Author Topic: Bad jokes thread  (Read 138879 times)

Yastreb

  • Ruler of a Derelict Airport
  • *****
  • May her brightness be among the stars.
  • Posts: 1290
Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #1005 on: January 11, 2024, 03:27:04 AM »
I met a man who was wearing a belt made out of watches.
It was a waist of time.
"Life is all we are. Life is what defines us. In the end, Life is the answer."

Ruler of Bartolomeu de Gusmão Airport.

Yastreb

  • Ruler of a Derelict Airport
  • *****
  • May her brightness be among the stars.
  • Posts: 1290
Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #1006 on: January 16, 2024, 01:27:16 AM »
I recently found a book called Just My Typo; a compilation of howlers of various kinds. Among them were examples of articles that suddenly switched topic by accident. I offer this one.

So the congregation decided on a European trip for their beloved pastor, and on Saturday made him acquainted with the delightful fact. Accompanying the report of the committee was a nicely-filled purse, which was placed at the disposal of the pastor, who, after thanking them, made a turn down South Main Street as far as Planet, then up Planet to Benefit Street, where he was caught by some boys, who tied a pan to his tail. Away he went again, up Benefit Street and down College, at the foot of which he was shot by a policeman.
"Life is all we are. Life is what defines us. In the end, Life is the answer."

Ruler of Bartolomeu de Gusmão Airport.

dmeck7755

  • Ruler of a Derelict Airport
  • *****
  • Posts: 1279
Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #1007 on: January 16, 2024, 05:00:45 PM »
I recently found a book called Just My Typo; a compilation of howlers of various kinds. Among them were examples of articles that suddenly switched topic by accident. I offer this one.

So the congregation decided on a European trip for their beloved pastor, and on Saturday made him acquainted with the delightful fact. Accompanying the report of the committee was a nicely-filled purse, which was placed at the disposal of the pastor, who, after thanking them, made a turn down South Main Street as far as Planet, then up Planet to Benefit Street, where he was caught by some boys, who tied a pan to his tail. Away he went again, up Benefit Street and down College, at the foot of which he was shot by a policeman.


Not to mention one mighty big run-on sentence
Fate gives all of us three teachers, three friends, three enemies, and three great loves in our lives. But these twelve are always disguised, and we never know which one is which until we've loved them, left them, or fought them.

~ Gregory David Roberts

Yastreb

  • Ruler of a Derelict Airport
  • *****
  • May her brightness be among the stars.
  • Posts: 1290
Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #1008 on: January 18, 2024, 06:53:52 PM »
From a recent Skype exchange...

Other Poster: I just found out that there is a museum by the name Dracula Experience Ltd in Newburyport. Maybe they have some garlic?

Me: Mark, I thought the Dracula Experience Ltd was a stake house.
« Last Edit: January 24, 2024, 03:05:29 AM by Yastreb »
"Life is all we are. Life is what defines us. In the end, Life is the answer."

Ruler of Bartolomeu de Gusmão Airport.

JoB

  • Mage of the Great Restructuring
  • Admiral of a Sunken Ship
  • ******
  • Posts: 4117
Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #1009 on: January 23, 2024, 07:38:47 AM »
Mark: I thought the Dracula Experience Ltd was a stake house.
I wonder whether "everything sucked!" would be considered a positive review?
native: :de: secondary: :us: :fr:
:artd: :book1+: :book2: :book3: :book4: etc.
PGP Key 0xBEF02A15, Fingerprint C12C 53DC BB92 2FE5 9725  C1AE 5E0F F1AF BEF0 2A15

Groupoid

  • Safe-Zone Citizen
  • **
  • Posts: 118
Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #1010 on: January 27, 2024, 04:41:14 PM »
A nickname for the Madsen siblings:
Spoiler: show
The M&M's
Native: :de: (:ch:), Ok: :gb:, Rusty: :fr:, A bit: :ru:

JoB

  • Mage of the Great Restructuring
  • Admiral of a Sunken Ship
  • ******
  • Posts: 4117
Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #1011 on: January 28, 2024, 05:09:23 AM »
A nickname for the Madsen siblings:
Spoiler: show
The M&M's

Spoiler: show

Colorful mannerisms on the outside, totally nuts on the inside? :V
native: :de: secondary: :us: :fr:
:artd: :book1+: :book2: :book3: :book4: etc.
PGP Key 0xBEF02A15, Fingerprint C12C 53DC BB92 2FE5 9725  C1AE 5E0F F1AF BEF0 2A15

Yastreb

  • Ruler of a Derelict Airport
  • *****
  • May her brightness be among the stars.
  • Posts: 1290
Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #1012 on: February 15, 2024, 10:36:57 PM »
While on YouTube I chanced on a scene from one of the films in the Equalizer franchise, in which the titular character McCall (Denzel Washington) is quietly reading a book in a diner when a gunman threatens him. McCall knocks out the gunman... using the book.

I posted this comment: "I'm imagining McCall's review of the book afterwards: "Powerful, hard-hitting... I couldn't put it down.""
"Life is all we are. Life is what defines us. In the end, Life is the answer."

Ruler of Bartolomeu de Gusmão Airport.

wavewright62

  • Valkyrie
  • Conqueror of an Abandoned City
  • *
    • Tumblr
  • Preferred pronouns: she/her
  • Posts: 5028
Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #1013 on: February 17, 2024, 12:24:14 AM »
While on YouTube I chanced on a scene from one of the films in the Equalizer franchise, in which the titular character McCall (Denzel Washington) is quietly reading a book in a diner when a gunman threatens him. McCall knocks out the gunman... using the book.

I posted this comment: "I'm imagining McCall's review of the book afterwards: "Powerful, hard-hitting... I couldn't put it down.""


hahahaha love it "Really hits you where you live", does it?  (I don't know the movies, so I don't where the book impacted.) 
Always a newbie at something
Native speaker: :us:
Acquired: :nz:
Grew up speaking but now very rusty: :ee:


Ruler of Queenstown Airport (Thanks Purple Wyrm, I will wear my wings with pride)
Admiral of the Sunken Rainbow Warrior

Róisín

  • Traveller on the Bird's Path
  • Elder of the Ruined Realm
  • ********
  • Posts: 8636
Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #1014 on: March 07, 2024, 03:09:11 AM »
What did one tectonic plate say when it bumped into another?
“Sorry, my fault!”.
Avatar is courtesy of the amazing Haiz!

Yastreb

  • Ruler of a Derelict Airport
  • *****
  • May her brightness be among the stars.
  • Posts: 1290
Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #1015 on: March 07, 2024, 06:01:42 AM »
San Andreas looked down upon the ruins of San Francisco and said, "It isn't my fault!"
"Life is all we are. Life is what defines us. In the end, Life is the answer."

Ruler of Bartolomeu de Gusmão Airport.

Buteo

  • Ranger
  • ****
  • Posts: 767
Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #1016 on: March 07, 2024, 01:47:40 PM »
That's what they always say, isn't it?

The usual fault line...

dmeck7755

  • Ruler of a Derelict Airport
  • *****
  • Posts: 1279
Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #1017 on: March 28, 2024, 12:20:28 PM »
A man's boss falls ill and passes away.
He goes to the funeral, kneels down in front of the coffin
and says, "Who's thinking outside of the box now Carl?"
Fate gives all of us three teachers, three friends, three enemies, and three great loves in our lives. But these twelve are always disguised, and we never know which one is which until we've loved them, left them, or fought them.

~ Gregory David Roberts

Yastreb

  • Ruler of a Derelict Airport
  • *****
  • May her brightness be among the stars.
  • Posts: 1290
Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #1018 on: April 06, 2024, 09:28:55 AM »
Some more names for imaginary places...

Arms Reach
Dockofthe Bay
Gimme Moor
Ohsaycanyou Sea
Upside Downs
Wholelot Moor
Youshallnot Pass
"Life is all we are. Life is what defines us. In the end, Life is the answer."

Ruler of Bartolomeu de Gusmão Airport.

Buteo

  • Ranger
  • ****
  • Posts: 767
Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #1019 on: April 07, 2024, 01:18:21 AM »
Flyingdis Mount
Nowlive Stream
Dirty Pool
Timeto Rock
Holdemat Bay
Notgonna Cave