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Author Topic: Bad jokes thread  (Read 138873 times)

Yastreb

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #990 on: August 26, 2023, 10:30:43 AM »
How about some bad analogies?

She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
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wavewright62

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #991 on: August 26, 2023, 09:51:14 PM »
I really love puns, they make you see differently, like holding a seashell up to your ear.
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JoB

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #992 on: August 27, 2023, 03:55:17 AM »
Quote from: Jitter on August 25, 2023, 04:44:05 PM

Quote from: Buteo on August 26, 2023, 01:16:31 AM
                                           CORVID 19                 
Quote from: Jitter on August 26, 2023, 09:53:24 AM
What is it with puns anyways, why are they supposedly terrible and embarrassing in English? Doesn’t everyone love puns? If not, why? Puns are the bestest!
Well, in this case, it's just shade-y business.
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Yastreb

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #993 on: September 05, 2023, 05:33:26 AM »
I just looked out into the backyard and saw a bird of prey eating avocado toast.

It was a millennial falcon.
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Yastreb

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #994 on: October 04, 2023, 08:44:42 PM »
I used to wonder why it got dark at night.

Then it finally dawned on me.
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Jitter

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #995 on: October 05, 2023, 11:29:56 AM »
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Yastreb

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #996 on: November 05, 2023, 04:26:58 AM »
I heard about a man who tried to sue Starbucks because of the poor coffee... but the judge ruled he had no grounds.
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Róisín

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #997 on: November 08, 2023, 07:46:36 PM »
What do you call two people arguing in a sauna?
A heated debate.

And yes, I know one is not supposed to argue in a sauna, it’s disrespectful to the sauna spirit. But I heard this groan-worthy dad joke….
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wavewright62

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #998 on: November 08, 2023, 10:34:56 PM »
Aye, nothing so rocky, 'tis a discussion between 2 es-steamed colleagues, surely?  But hey, no sweat, we like a bad dad joke around here.  >:D
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Yastreb

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #999 on: November 09, 2023, 12:55:01 AM »
Telling dad jokes is something to perspire to.
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Yastreb

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #1000 on: November 16, 2023, 08:59:50 AM »
A man working at a railway museum was found to be a spy. He was a sleeper agent.
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JoB

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #1001 on: November 16, 2023, 01:36:56 PM »
Quote from: Yastreb on November 16, 2023, 08:59:50 AM
A man working at a railway museum was found to be a spy. He was a sleeper agent.
... and everyone thought he was such a tender guy.
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Róisín

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #1002 on: December 24, 2023, 03:52:50 AM »
Why does Santa need three vegetable gardens?
Why, so he can Ho, Ho, Ho, of course!
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wavewright62

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #1003 on: December 24, 2023, 05:26:46 PM »
Christmas cracker jokes, the worst of all, please find attached a selection (don't forget to wear the crown):

What would you call an elf who just has won the lottery?
Spoiler: show
Welfy!


What beats his chest and swings from Christmas cake to Christmas cake?
Spoiler: show
Tarzipan!


What's the difference between Santa Clause and a knight?
Spoiler: show
One slays a dragon, the other drags a sleigh!


Why are mummies such big fans of Christmas?
Spoiler: show
Because they enjoy wrapping


What do you call a kid who doesn’t believe in Santa?
Spoiler: show
A rebel without a Claus


What do you call an old snowman?
Spoiler: show
Water


What's the difference between Batman and the Grinch?
Spoiler: show
Batman can go into Whoville without Robin


Why did Mary and Joseph have to travel to Bethlehem?
Spoiler: show
Because they couldn't book a home delivery


What do you call a penguin in the Sahara desert?
Spoiler: show
Lost


What comes at the end of Christmas Day?
Spoiler: show
The letter "Y"!


When is a Christmas dinner bad for your health?
Spoiler: show
When you're the turkey...


What’s every parent’s favorite Christmas Carol?
Spoiler: show
Silent Night


What did the farmer get for Christmas?
Spoiler: show
A cowculator


What you can call a polar bear which wears ear muffs?
Spoiler: show
Anything you want. He can't hear you!


What did one Christmas light say to the other Christmas light?
Spoiler: show
You light me up!


What did Santa do when he went speed dating?
Spoiler: show
He pulled a cracker


How does Darth Vader enjoy his Christmas Turkey?
Spoiler: show
On the dark side!


What is the Grinch's least favourite band?
Spoiler: show
The Who!


How is Drake like an elf?
Spoiler: show
He spends all his time wrapping


What do you get if Santa forgets to wear his undercrackers?
Spoiler: show
St Nickerless


Why is it getting harder to buy Advent calendars?
Spoiler: show
Because their days are numbered!


What’s a dog’s favourite carol?
Spoiler: show
Bark, the herald angels sing


Why has Santa been banned from sooty chimneys?
Spoiler: show
Carbon footprints


Which of Santa's reindeer has the best moves?
Spoiler: show
Dancer!


Why was the turkey in the pop group?
Spoiler: show
Because he was the only one with drumsticks!


What do you get if you put a bell on a skunk?
Spoiler: show
Jingle smells


Who’s Rudolph’s favourite pop star?
Spoiler: show
Beyon-sleigh!


Why is Parliament like ancient Bethlehem?
Spoiler: show
It takes a miracle to find three wise men there


Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
Spoiler: show
A mince spy


Which Christmas carol is about an animal with three legs?
Spoiler: show
Little Wonkey


Why does Mrs Claus keep checking Santa's phone?
Spoiler: show
Because he knows where all the naughty girls are
« Last Edit: December 24, 2023, 06:59:01 PM by wavewright62 »
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wavewright62

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #1004 on: December 29, 2023, 04:32:51 PM »
Scooped off tumblr this morning (which by the look of it was scooped off the former Tuuribird site):

Crossbreed every type of dog until all you're left with is an
.
.
.
.
everything beagle
 :.D
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Always a newbie at something
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Ruler of Queenstown Airport (Thanks Purple Wyrm, I will wear my wings with pride)
Admiral of the Sunken Rainbow Warrior
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