Bad jokes thread

[Yastreb]

Here's a little something inspired by the joke in which you link a punning name with an (allegedly) appropriate book title. I call this "The Right Writer," and here's the first batch.

How Trump Became President by Gordon Leigh-Nose
Confessions of a Nicotine Addict by Mustafa Smoak
Flower Power by Rose Budd and Rhoda Dendron
I Wanna Set the World on Fire by Con Flagration
Graphic Art for Beginners by Drew A. Pitcher
When Things Go Wrong by Helena Handbasket
I Kept the Home Fires Burning by Cole Minor
It’ll Be a Hot Time in the Old Town Tonight by Jonah Varque
I Can’t See the Opera House by Sydney Fogg
Prolific Pets for Hebrew Homes by Rabbi T. Warren
Seen from a Distance by Miles A. Way
Know Your Words by Dick Shunry
Don’t Fence Me In by Barb Dwyer
The Best Breakfast Ever by Chris P. Bacon
The Rushed Wedding by Marion Haste
Revolution Now by Freda Masses
Plain Speaking by Frank Lee
What’s That? by Major Look
Fear Itself by Terry Fying
The Empty Cage by Polly Gonn
Bush Tucker by Billy Boyle
Being Humble by Neil Downe
Be Counted by Stan Dupp
Being Casual by Stan Deasy
Indecision by R. U. Shaw
Family Life in Bible Times by Andy Begat
Out of Control by Lew Skannon
Make It Better by Amelia Rating
The Wig Trade by Hank O’Hair
The Art of Arrogance by Con Descending 

[Jitter]

Are the writer names actual writers too?

[Yastreb]

Not intentionally!

[yeethaw_gang]

You can't grow plants if you haven't botany.

[Jitter]

Not intentionally!

Ok that would have been even funnier (but also a pretty tedious task combining them)

[Yastreb]

Jitter, there was a list I found in Bizarre Books that included such real book/title combos as The Art of Editing by Floyd Baskette and Jack Sissors. I'll have to track down my copy of Bizarre Books for the rest.

[lumilaulu]

I once came across a book called Le diamant dans le monde by Pierre Gemme (Diamond in the world, by [literally] Stone Gem). I looked it up, and the guy's father was also called Gemme. Dubious sense of humour those parents must've had, to name their child Pierre in combination with the last name Gemme.

[Vulpes]

I once came across a book called Le diamant dans le monde by Pierre Gemme (Diamond in the world, by [literally] Stone Gem). I looked it up, and the guy's father was also called Gemme. Dubious sense of humour those parents must've had, to name their child Pierre in combination with the last name Gemme.

I knew of a Crystal Ball...

[Purple Wyrm]

I knew of a Crystal Ball...

My mother went to school with a Sean Lamb

[Róisín]

Most people nowadays don’t know much about the meaning of names, because in our modern culture that information is no longer important. But the particular example lumilaulu cites is an oldie but a goodie - remember the passage in the Christian Bible where the Christ says of the Apostle Peter “He is the rock on which I will establish my church”?

[Yastreb]

Ere I post the second batch of "The Right Writer," Roisin has inspired me to post some Biblical puns and other plays on words.

Who was the smallest man in the Bible?
Peter the disciple - he slept on his watch (Matthew 26:40)

Who was the straightest man in the Bible?
Joseph, because Pharoah made a ruler of him.

When was tennis played in Bible times?
When Joseph served in the courts of Pharoah.

Which men slept five to a bed?
David and his four fathers.

Who introduced salt meat into Navy rations?
Noah, because he took Ham into the Ark.

Who ran the first cannery?
Noah again - he filled the Ark with preserved pairs.

Which Biblical couple's game of golf ended badly?
Ananias and Sapphira (Acts 5:1-11) - you may recall that Ananias told a falsehood, Sapphira backed him up, and they ended up in the same grave. Or, to put it in golfing terms; he was caught in a bad lie, she followed, and they both holed out in one.

[wavewright62]

Oh hey, Polly Gonn was a wide-ranging author - she also wrote "Beginner's Guide to Geometry"

[Yastreb]

Another wide-ranging author was Carrie Onn. She wrote the thriller novel Day of the Vulture and the motivational text Never Give Up.

On the other hand, Owen Moore was stuck in a rut with Forever in Debt, I’ll Pay You Back Soon and My Life as a Bankrupt.

[Just to clarify; those "authors" are from my list of "Right Writers."]

[Róisín]

Yastreb, it may amuse you to know of a real life author named Jeanne Rose, who wrote about, among other things the magical and cosmetic uses of plants. She has an excellent recipe for making rosewater and rose beads, which I think is the one that Rhí uses.  You might enjoy Rose’s work, for her weird humour and art if less for the technical stuff. Put it this way, before she returned to a family tradition of herbalism, she spent part of her youth being Jimmy Hendrix’s tailor.

[JoB]

Most people nowadays don’t know much about the meaning of names, because in our modern culture that information is no longer important.

It's also rather nontrivial to find out which are jokes and which are real, unless the person in question has done something you can look up (like writing a book).
E.g., "Claire Grube" ("cesspit" in German) is invented AFAICT, while "Reiner Korn" ("pure schnapps") exists IRL.