General Discussion Thread

[Haiz]

Believe me, Haiz. I've come to this community with so many issues you have no idea, and I felt the exact same way. But everyone here genuinely cares about you and wants to help, which I can see more clearly now that I'm on the other side of the exchange for once.

I really really hope you feel better soon! But if you don't that's okay, and never hesitate to come here if you need someone to talk to.

I think you're awesome.

sjhsdjhsd thank you
sddsfds
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*furiously wipes away tears*

i finally managed to stop crying enough to go upstairs and make me some tea
..... it's not that I mind people seeing that I've been crying (it's not exactly a secret that I cry a lot. except I haven't in a while so i guess i needed this actually) but I really don't feel like explaining to my parents why I've been crying, especially not after a very Inspirational Dinner Talk about how i'm so gonna get a summer job and there are ~*opportunities at every corner*~ and i can ~*Never Know Where Life Will Take You*~ and that kinda stuff. so. uh. yeah.

also i've had that kind of day where i ate breakfast at 1pm and had nothing on my schedule except work on my art history essay, and I haven't worked on it at all and just. ugh. why am i doing this to myself. The deadline is next friday, so I'm gonna make it just fine, but this was the perfect opportunity to get it over with and I'm just so incredibly disappointed in myself.

one of the reasons i feel useless is that i seem to be unable of doing anything that isn't ssss-related lately, but YOU KNOW WHAT i'm gonna make some more ssss-related art to cheer me up and my brain's just gonna shut it

[Vafhudr]

If I can provide comfort from a different angle, I would say not to let yourself be trapped by the idea of becoming a productive member of society. It's often a perverse logic that forces us into undesirable situations, like having to take terrible-tier jobs. Some of us don't have the luxury of choice, due to monetary pressures - but if you are not in an imminent financial crisis, I would counsel prudence and to reconsider - to change your view of it.

Rather, see it has becoming independent. As someone who has never rode bicycles because they terrify me, I have some serious apprehensions toward cars, but in a country like Canada, they are a necessity if I want to move about. Heck, I can't even go across town without putting 1-2 hours of my time aside for a serious walk. And my town barely registers as something more than a big settlement. We are unfortunate to live in a time where cities are built around cars instead of people walking about, so this is something we unfortunately have to suffer through. They should not be a badge, a proof that you are "in" now, that you are responsible adult - they are a tool. Often an expansive one that are not worth it, but a useful tool nonetheless if you live a place with no public transport or a lot of space between you and your neighbour or the next city. A car makes things easier - except paying. Because they will eat your money. Remember - you do it for the ability to move, not for the driver's licence. Everyone asks for a driver's license. Some uncouth will even imply unpleasant things if you don't have one - to hell with them. A license is no object of status, let alone a rite of passage (what a poor excuse for one if it is!) - it's a government recognition that you can drive, hopefully without killing your fellow citizens.

Same goes for work. Most of us will come out of school knowing mostly nothing - some writing skills that is immediately obsolete the moment you do anything serious, some reading comprehension that is worthless if you are not an assiduous reader on your own, some jumble of math skills, some science facts, maybe, and no history to speak of. I graduated and I was virtually useless. Kind of in the same place as you - sure, people call you smart and gifted but that seldom balms the sensation that you know nothing and have nothing to contribute. At 17 I got a job doing file maintenance at the grocery store. It was miserable work, and worst, it's the kind of job that gives you no tangible skills (beyond learning some of the logistics of running and independent store in an isolated community).

A lot of us are faced with 4-8 years, if not more, of university, in programs we hope we will like and then we hope will get us A job. Maybe. This is made even worse for us for whom the social sphere is less than natural. I won a position as an intern as few summers back in a Economic Development Agency. My job was to make phone calls and conduct a survey, along with translating and other minor clerical work. I discovered pretty hard that speaking to people over the phone is something that was deeply stressful for me, unfortunately - on the other hand, I couldn't just give up a position like that. The money was too good. So what was supposed to be a pleasant work experienced turned into a sweaty nightmare of me trying to go around that. I made personal visits. I sent e-mails. Set myself schedules, reminders, anything to get the job done while not making me want to crawl and die. Like FinnishViking, I abhored the notion that I was asking something from people - taking their time needlessly, and surely enough I encountered my share of surly customers. So this kind of office work became sort of black listed in my mind as well.

So I basically resolved to try and become independent. I've had too much of this nonsense - of working in stuff I hate and finding myself in workplaces that killed the soul. I am striving toward finding work, no - a way to live, that will let me avoid all of this.

My first objective was to get an education. Wikipedia was the only reason I was able to do well in University. I became enamoured with the idea of a classical education. This led me to a rather interesting course of study in my undergraduate years. A course of study that finished in disappointment, but the dream lives on. The second is to gain a set of skills.

I like to draw. My passion is architecture. To draw the buildings I want to see I need to know how to draw in the first place. Architecture school is out of my reach, for I do not have the training in math (I've had a horrendous education). So I teach myself a bit of math. I like to write - an accident of fortune has made me write on forums, giving me a leg up in writing in English. I now practice these things on a daily basis. I hope to be lawyer, for it is a profession that affords a high degree of independence for those who know how to use it. I am helping my father with his farm projects because a farm affords one with a certain amount of sovereignty. The necessities of living off the land leads one to other important forms of knowledge - ones that are not impose upon the society around you, but by your own desire for improvement.  If all else fails, get yourself some sheeps and a small plot of land.

Ignorance is no sin, as long as we remedy to it. Education is the central feature of human life, and yet it is poisoned and debased by those who see it as little more than a way to extract more labour out of you. You are not dumb, foolish, or useless - you are, like many of us, disoriented and led astray by the demands of society. It is overwhelming. Courage - the cards may be stacked against you, but you can face it on your own terms. You know several languages already. You know how to draw. You have access to the internet. Those are skills many do not possess. If they do not impress those who seek more practical skills, at least look upon them as things you have gained for yourself, as the proof that you are able to learn, to continue to learn, and to build for yourself a life you can call your own, society be damned.

 

[Sunflower]

also i've had that kind of day where i ate breakfast at 1pm and had nothing on my schedule except work on my art history essay, and I haven't worked on it at all and just. ugh. why am i doing this to myself. The deadline is next friday, so I'm gonna make it just fine, but this was the perfect opportunity to get it over with and I'm just so incredibly disappointed in myself.

one of the reasons i feel useless is that i seem to be unable of doing anything that isn't ssss-related lately, but YOU KNOW WHAT i'm gonna make some more ssss-related art to cheer me up and my brain's just gonna shut it

Speaking as a veteran procrastinator...
Sometimes talking about something (to a friendly person who has no stake in it) can put you more in the frame of mind to do it.  I like art history (though purely as an amateur -- never had to take a rigorous class in it) and I'd be interested to hear what that dratted essay is about, if you feel like talking about it.

You can PM me if you'd rather not discuss it publicly.  But it sounds like a lot of the other Forumites have taken art history... and EVERYONE has procrastinated at some point or other.   

[Laufey]

It's ok, the time that would have been best used for writing essays is universally meant to be used for something else instead. I mean ask anyone who's ever studied in a uni. Procrastinators unite - tomorrow! And I for one will cheer you on on anything SSSS-related that you make. 

On a more serious note, it's true that you never know where life takes you, but the trick is that neither do the ones that keep telling you so, so the comment itself does pretty much nothing aside of sounding patronizing. It's ok to feel bad and it's ok to have days when you didn't accomplish the things you wanted to, sometimes the brain just really, really needs a break. Don't worry about the essay, there's plenty of time left.

[DancingRanger]

A couple of forums I'm on have a 'Comfort corner' if this one does not, I will be making one.

[mithrysc]

also i've had that kind of day where i ate breakfast at 1pm and had nothing on my schedule except work on my art history essay, and I haven't worked on it at all and just. ugh. why am i doing this to myself. The deadline is next friday, so I'm gonna make it just fine, but this was the perfect opportunity to get it over with and I'm just so incredibly disappointed in myself.

one of the reasons i feel useless is that i seem to be unable of doing anything that isn't ssss-related lately, but YOU KNOW WHAT i'm gonna make some more ssss-related art to cheer me up and my brain's just gonna shut it

Aw, Haiz, you're not useless.

Even if we've never met, I still think that you're an amazing person. I've been feeling sort of similar lately (lots of reasons...), so I hope you feel better soon.

[Haiz]

oh wow more responses, gosh

Vafhudr: that was a long block of text and I may not have gotten all of it down but thanks!!
The thing is, I..... I get a lot of what you said
my situation is this:
I'm 20 years old and still live with my parents because I'm not ready for moving out just yet.
I kind of really want to go out there *sweeps hand over world map* but like. I'm not independent enough yet. I kinda went straight to local uni (trondheim just happens to be a student kinda town so I was lucky in that aspect) to procrastinate with my life course. I don't really plan on working with art history, I kinda really miss going to art school - but I guess it's like collecting weapons, in a sense? I was thinking three years doing a bachelor will be enough for me to scrap together a semblance of independence. Maybe it's slowly working, I don't know. I don't plan to quit or anything just yet, I'm just finding out I handle studying a lot worse than I thought I would.

Also, I kinda live in the outskirts of Trondheim, the bus connection is getting worse and worse, so driving is kind of turning into something that would be very handy. I just haven't done any practice driving for over a year because my brain kept hecking up about stuff and I feel like I'll never be ready to try again, but I have to at some point. Soon. Before i move out, I guess.

And when it comes to jobs, I've never had one, and I don't need one in the strict sense of the word, my life doesn't depend on it - again, i am a spoiled middle class norwegian kid living with my parents. But if I don't get a job soon it will just get harder and harder to get into the system. I need one to evolve as a person, I guess. and like, to earn money on my own. but that's not even my first priority and my mom is pretty disappointed in that attitude, ha.... But I feel like I'm not qualified for any jobs and I don't know what to do and the system is scary and I kind of. don't really want to get into the system. and i know i have to pull myself together and DO THIS but i'm just. so exhausted and ugh. ughguhg.
(but on a positive note I've sent several applications to various jobs, so I'm a teensy bit proud of me for have done at least that much. SIGHS)

and..... i guess I portrayed it as me being bad at school, but that's not exactly true....... i kinda went out of high school (videregående?? i have no idea how to translate school systems) with reallyreally good grades I feel like I don't even deserve. I've never really had to do any effort. I....... I even kinda aced one of my exams last semester, I had hardly read any of the books and still got an A and I don't understand how, so........ so yeah. I'm not doing too bad. The problem is that I never learnt HOW to make an effort. I don't know how to read the books, my brain kinda shuts down and I don't grasp what I'm reading, most of the knowledge I actually absorb is from lectures. So when I actually have to do research on my own, I'm so. I'm so helpless and ugh.

(oh man, the resentment people have had towards me for my ability to get good grades with little effort..... PLUS the resentment people have had towards me for being good at drawing....... what the heck is up with people resenting others for being good at things, really? okay wow this is turning into a sob story but let's just say I'm used to people resenting me for something or other at most times)
((I fully admit i was pretty obnoxious when I was younger though))

LONG STORY SHORT i'm actually a very spoiled and privileged child that whines a lot,, i'm just not ready to be an adult yet and thinking about the future exhausts me to no end.


Sunflower: Despite my procrastinations, I've never missed a deadline. (Okay, there was that one time I couldn't do an english assigment because of the research and just wrote five pages of my story ideas instead, but the teacher was pretty accepting and graded it anyway?)
........I actually described my essay assignment about comparing dutch marriage portraits from the 1600's earlier today, so if you wanna read about it here it is. I'm kind of amazed people wanna hear about it, pfff


Thank you, Laufey and mitrysc
I'm
I'm a little emotional again
(a little?? haiz you have been very emotional these past five hours)
(I hope you feel better soon too, mithrysc!!)

[Haiz]

okay okay double post but
I just want to say thank you to everyone who responded to my worry post, i feel so much better and I'm a bit amazed at how much response I got, I didn't expect this, I..... wow.
I have consumed unnameable amounts of chocolate and tea and listened to the same owl city album on repeat only gods know how many times,,,,,, I'm going to be okay and now I'm going to bed so good night everyone.

(I know i should do that in the good night thread but I thought it was best to put it here in case someone responds and I don't respond back!!)

[Mélusine]

i'm just not ready to be an adult yet and thinking about the future exhausts me to no end.

For me there is a big difference between "being an adult" and "being an adult like the society want". And you are allowed not seeing yourself as an adult even if the society see you as one *Hate her miss of more vocabulary to speak better* I fear we, sometimes, in bad days, forget that we don't have to listen to all the awful littles voices whispering what we have to do or to be, which make us forget that we could be different AND awesome.
Take your time (And tea and chocolate are good ^^)

[OrigamiOwl]

Oh! OOOH! GUESS WHAT. I did something INDEPENDENT TODAY yesss. Owl's first ever step towards independence. Yes. Without parental permission! Kinda. I just told them about it as it happened >__> cos I'm sneaky and rebellious today.
Yesterday I went and stayed at a friends house in the city and now I'm in a cafe eating breakfast that I bought myself! (It is a milkshake and a cake shhh I'm an adult what are you talking about. Wearing a bunny jumper is a mature and grown up fashion choice shhh <_<)
But anywho, I'm going to meet LENNY TODAY AAAAGGGHHH EXCITING.
And then I'm going to catch a bus to the next town south and then catch the rural coach home. *nods*
INDEPENDENCCCCCCCCE NOt really... But it is for me.

ALSO! ALSO! The cafe is playing that "Why Georgia" song Eich was talking about ages ago, which is a cool thing to happen.

Hmmmm hopefully I won't be in trouble when I get home. But I can't see why I would be, logically. :/ although mum and 1 sister were the only ones to know about my crazy plans for today, so dad might be a bit iffy about being left out of the loop. Also if they found out I was meeting up with an internet strrrranger I would be worse than grounded o___o
So shhhh. >_> (pls don't be a murderer Lenny XD)

hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i will probably regret dragging my hoard of gloomy worries onto a nice public forum
but
I'm kinda on a downward spiral into feeling like i'm a useless human being that will never adapt to society because the thought of getting a job or knowing how to drive terrifies me but I know I have to do these things, i'm starting to think maybe i'm not really cut out for university but i have no idea what else i'd rather do, i feel like all my skills are useless for being a Productive Member of Society and just.......
i just need some reassurances that strangers on the internet don't secretly hate me, or that maybe i've made someone laugh or smile or something because then I wouldn't be completely worthless after all

i'm sorry

Aww Haiz *hugs* / *unbuttons coat to reveal "Know them feels" tshirt*
I too had a weird "oh god am I annoying the internet do they hate me" time in the earlier days of the forum, so I know what you mean, and the answer is No
I've thought plenty of times that I'm wasting my time at university, but I realized that one of my only academic talents is mysteriously getting good grades- even if they've seriously slumped lately- and the only place I can get grades is at university >_> so I might as well finish my poopy degrees and not waste all the money I'm not paying for classes. Plus I'll get a dumb level-up of pointless qualifications when I finish
I'm seriously procrastinating about getting a "job" job also. "Arts not a real job" etc what a load of twaddle, so my mum likes to say XD as long as I don't need a job, I don't really intend to go get one :/
I'll just figure something out when I have to I guess. But in order for me to be able to get any job (asides from working at home which is a no-no) I have to be able to drive, or be really rich and catch terribly timed busses. Which just ain't gonna work. Unless I move out, which needs the moniez, which is a nooooo. And now I'm babbling about blargh stuff.
But, *pats* you'll do good.

[Piney]

Ahhh, excited for you Owl! Gosh, I want to meet my internet friends... so badly >.<
But I am meeting one of my cousins for the first time tomorrow! He's a cartoonist, and he's coming down from Vermont for a local comics festival here in New York So I'm excited for that. (I've designated him the "cool cousin" in my mind, heh)

[Curry]

OrigamiOwl that's so cool!! I'm actually possibly meeting somebody tomorrow?? I'm super excited although totally unprepared for Megacon tomorrow. Help.

I should be packing somebody get me off the forum

[Piney]

I should be packing somebody get me off the forum

*pushes you in the direction of the exit*
Hmm well I've found that posting in the goodnight thread is a good way to keep yourself from coming back the rest of the night...

[mithrysc]

But anywho, I'm going to meet LENNY TODAY AAAAGGGHHH EXCITING.

Hmmmm hopefully I won't be in trouble when I get home. But I can't see why I would be, logically. :/ although mum and 1 sister were the only ones to know about my crazy plans for today, so dad might be a bit iffy about being left out of the loop. Also if they found out I was meeting up with an internet strrrranger I would be worse than grounded o___o
So shhhh. >_> (pls don't be a murderer Lenny XD)

Ahhh so cool I wanna do that I hope you two have fun!

If I can just get over the "internet stranger" and "parents" thing not to mention the "help what do I say to people" thing

Ahhh, excited for you Owl! Gosh, I want to meet my internet friends... so badly >.<
But I am meeting one of my cousins for the first time tomorrow! He's a cartoonist, and he's coming down from Vermont for a local comics festival here in New York So I'm excited for that. (I've designated him the "cool cousin" in my mind, heh)

Is that Mocha Mocca by any chance? I reaaaaalllly want to go someday, since that's a lot more accessible than, say, Toronto.

[Piney]

Is that Mocha Mocca by any chance? I reaaaaalllly want to go someday, since that's a lot more accessible than, say, Toronto.

It is!