oh wow more responses, gosh
Vafhudr: that was a long block of text and I may not have gotten all of it down but thanks!!
The thing is, I..... I get a lot of what you said
my situation is this:
I'm 20 years old and still live with my parents because I'm not ready for moving out just yet.
I kind of really want to go out there *sweeps hand over world map* but like. I'm not independent enough yet. I kinda went straight to local uni (trondheim just happens to be a student kinda town so I was lucky in that aspect) to procrastinate with my life course. I don't really plan on working with art history, I kinda really miss going to art school - but I guess it's like collecting weapons, in a sense? I was thinking three years doing a bachelor will be enough for me to scrap together a semblance of independence. Maybe it's slowly working, I don't know. I don't plan to quit or anything just yet, I'm just finding out I handle studying a lot worse than I thought I would.
Also, I kinda live in the outskirts of Trondheim, the bus connection is getting worse and worse, so driving is kind of turning into something that would be
very handy. I just haven't done any practice driving for over a year because my brain kept hecking up about stuff and I feel like I'll never be ready to try again, but I
have to at some point. Soon. Before i move out, I guess.
And when it comes to jobs, I've never had one, and I don't
need one in the strict sense of the word, my life doesn't depend on it - again, i am a spoiled middle class norwegian kid living with my parents. But if I don't get a job soon it will just get harder and harder to get into the system. I need one to evolve as a person, I guess. and like, to earn money on my own. but that's not even my first priority and my mom is pretty disappointed in that attitude, ha.... But I feel like I'm not qualified for any jobs and I don't know what to do and the system is scary and I kind of. don't really want to get into the system. and i know i have to pull myself together and DO THIS but i'm just. so exhausted and ugh. ughguhg.
(but on a positive note I've sent several applications to various jobs, so I'm a teensy bit proud of me for have done at least that much. SIGHS)
and..... i guess I portrayed it as me being bad at school, but that's not exactly true....... i kinda went out of high school (videregående?? i have no idea how to translate school systems) with reallyreally good grades I feel like I don't even deserve. I've never really had to do any effort. I....... I even kinda aced one of my exams last semester, I had hardly read any of the books and still got an A and I don't understand how, so........ so yeah. I'm not doing too bad. The problem is that I never learnt HOW to make an effort. I don't know how to read the books, my brain kinda shuts down and I don't grasp what I'm reading, most of the knowledge I actually absorb is from lectures. So when I actually have to do research on my own, I'm so. I'm so helpless and ugh.
(oh man, the resentment people have had towards me for my ability to get good grades with little effort..... PLUS the resentment people have had towards me for being good at drawing....... what the heck is up with people resenting others for being good at things, really? okay wow this is turning into a sob story but let's just say I'm used to people resenting me for something or other at most times)
((I fully admit i was pretty obnoxious when I was younger though))
LONG STORY SHORT i'm actually a very spoiled and privileged child that whines a lot,, i'm just not ready to be an adult yet and thinking about the future exhausts me to no end.
Sunflower: Despite my procrastinations, I've never missed a deadline. (Okay, there was that one time I couldn't do an english assigment because of the research and just wrote five pages of my story ideas instead, but the teacher was pretty accepting and graded it anyway?)
........I actually described my essay assignment about comparing dutch marriage portraits from the 1600's earlier today, so if you wanna read about it
here it is. I'm kind of amazed people wanna hear about it, pfff
Thank you, Laufey and mitrysc
I'm
I'm a little emotional again
(a
little?? haiz you have been
very emotional these past five hours)
(I hope you feel better soon too, mithrysc!!)