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Author Topic: Bad jokes thread  (Read 139158 times)

urbicande

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Bad jokes thread
« on: February 25, 2016, 02:54:57 PM »
In these trying times, it's always nice to remember that laughter is good for the soul.  So, I think a thread of humo(u)r, jokes, puns, riddles etc. will hit the spot!

Here's one that came around the office the other day:

Last week I was reading a book on anti-gravity. I couldn't put it down!
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meshebe

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #1 on: February 25, 2016, 03:11:11 PM »
What do you call a black sticky bird???

Spoiler: answer • show
A VELCROW

ah hahahahahahaha


I love these kind of jokes. 
New favorite thread. 
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Eriaror

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #2 on: February 25, 2016, 03:15:31 PM »
Hee... hehehe.

What does a chameleon do in an oven?
Spoiler: show
It melts into its surroundings.

What do you get if you combine a mole and a giraffe?
Spoiler: show
An oil rig. (okay this one works a bit better in Hungarian)

When you throw it up, it's nothing; when it falls down the lights turn up at the neighbor's house, what is it?
Spoiler: show
Coincidence.
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Adrai Thell

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #3 on: February 25, 2016, 03:19:44 PM »
Hoooo boy, this thread will be amazing... :P
I have a really bad one I stole at one point...

Cigarettes are a lot like hamsters...
Spoiler: show
Neither one is dangerous until you put it in your mouth
and light it on fire.
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IKEA

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #4 on: February 25, 2016, 03:49:25 PM »
Quote from: Adrai Thell on February 25, 2016, 03:19:44 PM
Hoooo boy, this thread will be amazing... :P
I have a really bad one I stole at one point...

Cigarettes are a lot like hamsters...
Spoiler: show
Neither one is dangerous until you put it in your mouth
and light it on fire.

Ha! Okay, if you have second thiughts about your apointment on Native American land...
Spoiler: show
you're having reservation reservation reservations!

Two peanuts walk down the street. One was a salted. (Say it out loud).
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Keeper

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #5 on: February 25, 2016, 04:21:16 PM »
Ahhh, we had a great pun chain a few days ago in the chat.
Some of my favorites that I remember:
Spoiler: show

"Czech yourself before you wreck yourself"
"You guys are the spain of my existence"
"Maybe you should Chile out"
"There is norway I'm done making these puns"
"There aren't many puns Romanian"
"I'm just China come up with good puns, but I feel like I'm being Egypt"
"It has ruined my Korea"
"Irish you could stay!"
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saminiemi

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #6 on: February 25, 2016, 04:23:00 PM »
I get my daily dose of school kids jokes.

On which side of the church do the trees grow taller?
Spoiler: show
The outside


If a plane crashes directly on a border between two countries, on which country do you bury the wounded?
Spoiler: show
You don't bury the wounded
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Krisse Kovacs

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #7 on: February 25, 2016, 04:44:26 PM »
Quote from: Eriaror on February 25, 2016, 03:15:31 PM
What does a chameleon do in an oven?
Spoiler: show
It melts into its surroundings.

I found this one weird, but when I read it in hungarian I died of laughing xD

and kinda same for the other two
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Fauna

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #8 on: February 25, 2016, 04:45:34 PM »
My favorite one:

What is brown and sticky?

Spoiler: show
A STICK!


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Róisín

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #9 on: February 25, 2016, 04:58:30 PM »
Both political, I'm afraid.

. How do you tell if a politician is lying?

His lips are moving.


. Why do ASIO agents go around in threes?

One can read and write. One can operate a telephone. The third is to keep an eye on the two dangerous intellectuals.
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urbicande

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #10 on: February 25, 2016, 05:25:21 PM »
Where does a general keep his armies?

Spoiler: show
In his sleevies!
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Double H

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #11 on: February 25, 2016, 05:30:18 PM »
Here are some that I like:

Two guys are in a boat with three cigarettes. They had no fire, so they threw one of the cigarettes overboard, and the entire boat became a cigarette lighter.


I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.


Why couldn't the bicycle stand up? - Because it was two tired.


Two fish are in a tank.
One turns to the other and says, "How do you drive this thing?!"
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Kiraly

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #12 on: February 25, 2016, 05:43:50 PM »
(Bless this thread, it's exactly what I needed).

This one is better if it's said aloud, but I'll try to approximate with text:

Two whales walk into a bar. The first whale says:
"OOOOOOOOEEAAAUUUEEEEOOOUUUUUEEEAAAAAAUUUUUUEEEEEEEOOOOOOOUUUUUUEUEIEIEEEEEEIAAAAAOOOOUUUUUEEEAAAAOOOOAAEEEEEEEEEAAUUUUUOOOOOOOOOO...."*

The second whale says,
Spoiler: show
Shut up, Frank, you're drunk!


*This part can go on for as long as you can make whale sounds. I have a friend who likes to tell it at parties and he can make the whale sounds go on for a long time.
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Noodles

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #13 on: February 25, 2016, 05:58:29 PM »
Warning: dorky science jokes ahead.

"We don't serve your kind in here."
A tachyon walks into a bar.

What should you say if someone offers you bootleg sodium bromate?
Spoiler: show
NaBrO
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Purple Wyrm

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #14 on: February 25, 2016, 06:09:17 PM »
Only really works if read out loud but...

A piece of string walks into a bar. The bartender says "Get out! We don't serve string here!". The string walks out, bends himself into a loop, messes up his hair and walks back in. The bartender asks suspiciously, "Are you a piece of string?". The string says "No, I'm afraid not".

Also the schoolyard classics...

Why did the parrot fall out of the tree?
Spoiler: show
It was dead


Why did the cat fall out of the tree?
Spoiler: show
It was stapled to the parrot


Why did the possum fall out of the tree?
Spoiler: show
Peer pressure
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