Emil and the Wasps(special thanks to
misea,
Rosepieces, and
OrigamiOwl)
(apologies to
Sergei Prokofiev)
(moved here from Poetry by request of mods)
This is the story of Emil and the Wasps. In this story, the characters are represented by the instruments of the symphony orchestra.
For example, Reynir is played by the high-voiced flute.
{ flute }Tuuri is played by the gorgeous oboe.
{ oboe }Lalli is played by the beautiful, sultry clarinet.
{ clarinet }Mikkel is played by the deep-voiced bassoon.
{ bassoon }Emil is played by the carefree string section.
{ strings }Sigrun is played by the kettle drum and the bass drum.
{ rolling thunder of drums }And the wasps are played ...
... by all the kazoos and vuvuzelas in the audience.
{ ominous crescendo of discordant buzzing }So, now, here is our story.
Early one morning, Emil opened the cat tank door and went out into the great, green meadow.
{ strings }On the branch of a big tree sat Reynir, Emil’s friend. "I'm helping with ... stuff!" chirped Reynir happily.
{ flute }Soon after, Tuuri came strolling around. She was glad that Emil had not closed the door, and decided to take a nice swim in the deep pond that happened to be right there in the meadow.
{ oboe }Seeing Tuuri, Reynir alit down on the ground, sat himself near to where Tuuri was swimming, and shrugged his shoulders... "What kind of a Nord are you, if you don't climb trees!" he said. To this, Tuuri replied: "What kind of a Nord are you, if you can’t swim!" and, splashing him playfully, dove into the pond.
{ oboe and flute duet, leisurely }They argued and argued – Tuuri swimming in the pond, and Reynir hopping around waving his arms along the bank.
{ oboe and flute duet, faster }Suddenly something caught Emil's attention. He noticed Lalli, crawling cat-like through the grass.
{ clarinet }Lalli thought: "My cousin is busy arguing with that weirdo? I’ll just grab her and we'll go back home to Finland." Stealthily he crept toward her on his smooth neoprene protective garments.
{ clarinet }"Look out!" shouted Emil, and Reynir immediately jumped and practically flew back into the tree.
{ flute, strings }From the middle of the pond, Tuuri scolded Lalli angrily for sneaking up on them like that.
{ clarinet, oboe }Lalli skulked around the tree and thought: "Is it worth climbing up so high? By the time I get there, that redhead with the braid will have jumped down."
{ flute, clarinet }That was when Mikkel came out. He was angry because Emil had gone to the meadow. "This is a dangerous place," he said. "If angry wasps were to come swarming out of the forest, then what would you do??"
{ bassoon }Everyone else looked baffled at Mikkel's words. Emil paid no attention at all. Swedes such as he are not afraid of wasps.
{ strings }But Mikkel took Emil by the shoulder, force-marched him back to the cat-tank, and locked the door.
{ oboe, strings }No sooner had Emil gone, that a big, buzzing cloud of wasps
did come swarming out of the forest.
{ kazoos first, softly, joined by a dramatic crescendo of vuvuzelas }In a twinkling, Lalli scampered up the tree.
{ clarinet }Tuuri shrieked, and in her panic jumped out of the pond.
{ oboe }But no matter how hard Tuuri tried to run, she couldn’t escape the wasps.
{ oboe }The swarm was getting nearer.... and nearer... catching up with her... and then they caught up with her, and stung her! She went running to the cat-tank flailing her arms, and locked herself in with Emil.
{ vuvuzelas and kazoos }And now, this is how things stood: Lalli was sitting on one branch of the tree...
{ clarinet }Reynir on another, trying to get closer to Lalli...
{ flute, clarinet }and the wasps swarmed around and around the tree, in a cloud of angry buzzing.
{ kazooes, vuvuzelas, flute, clarinet }In the meantime, Emil, without a single out-of-place hair, sat inside the cat tank listening to Tuuri tell him what was going on.
{ strings, oboe }He left the cat tank, went around to the back, opened the trunk, took a strong net, and climbed up the side of the tank to the roof.
{ strings, oboe }One of the branches of the tree around which the wasps were swarming stretched out over the cat tank.
{ strings, clarinet }Grabbing hold of the branch...
{ strings, flute }Emil clambered over onto the tree.
{ strings, woodwinds }Emil panted heavily, and said to Reynir: "
(phew) Hey, why don't
you jump down and
(phew) distract the wasps... just
(phew) take care that they don't sting you."
{ flute, strings }Reynir, slightly bird-brained, was eager to help, and jumped down to dance around the angry wasps, while they buzzed and swarmed after him, from this side and that!
{ kazoos, vuvuzelas, flute }How Reynir did antagonize the wasps! How they wanted to sting him! But Reynir was clever and had some outdoor experience, and he made evading the wasps seem easy to Emil.
{ kazoos, vuvuzelas, buzz, BUZZ! }Seeing this and deciding it would be simple, Emil carefully climbed down with the net...
{ tense strings }... swung it into the swarm, and tried to catch all the wasps in a single sweep!
{ even more tense strings }Feeling themselves get tangled up in the net, the wasps went berzerk and began stinging Emil over and over!
{ strings, kazoos, vuvuzelas }"This is not how this part of the story is supposed to go!" cried Emil, swinging the net wildly and running from the wasp swarm as it stung him mercilessly.
{ kazoos, vuvuzelas, discordant strings }Lalli and Reynir watched in bafflement from their various vantage points, wondering how Emil thought this was ever going to work.
{ kazoos, vuvuzelas, woodwinds }Just then ...
{ drums }... Sigrun came out of the woods, wearing a mesh beekeeper's outfit ...
{ drums }... guided by Tuuri ...
{ oboe, drums }... following the wasps, and firing off a flamethrower as she went.
{ drums }But Emil, staggering around the meadow covered in wasp stings, cried: "Hold your fire! Everything is fine! The pain has passed.... I no longer feel anything below my eyebrows! Below... hold your... Reynir and I have this totally ... under control! Totally .... totally ... under ... "
{ dreamy strings }So, now... imagine the triumphant procession.
Emil, on morphine.
{ orchestra, dreamily }After him, Sigrun carrying the charred remains of the wasps and their nest.
{ orchestra with kazoos, triumphantly }And winding up the procession, Mikkel and Lalli. Mikkel shook his head, discontentedly: "Well, and what if Emil had gone into anaphylactic shock? What then, hmm?"
Lalli didn't understand a word he said.
{ orchestra, majestically }Around them skipped Reynir, chirping merrily: "I helped! What a brave and clever fellow I was! I helped!"
{ orchestra, flute solo }And if you listen very carefully, you could hear Tuuri laughing from within the cat tank, driving slowly behind them all.
{ finale }
