Author Topic: Bad jokes thread  (Read 137190 times)

Yastreb

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #1035 on: April 20, 2024, 11:05:04 PM »
Wavewright encouraged me to continue...

Amper sands
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JoB

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #1036 on: April 21, 2024, 10:06:54 AM »
Yastreb, this was gold from start to Finnish.
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Yastreb

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #1037 on: May 30, 2024, 09:01:26 PM »
I can’t take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him. Guess that’s what I get for buying a pure-bread dog.
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wavewright62

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #1038 on: May 30, 2024, 10:52:33 PM »

...watch out Daisy Duck?
Spoiler: show
Sweet Polly Purebred from Underdog?  Mebbe I'm just old

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dmeck7755

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #1039 on: June 01, 2024, 09:51:39 PM »

...watch out Daisy Duck?
Spoiler: show
Sweet Polly Purebred from Underdog?  Mebbe I'm just old


speed of lightning, roar of thunder
fighting all who rob or plunder
Underdog. Underdog!

when in this world the headlines read
of those whose hearts are filled with greed
who rob and steal from those who need
to right this wrong with blinding speed
goes Underdog! Underdog! Underdog! Underdog!

I used to watch this every saturday LOL
Fate gives all of us three teachers, three friends, three enemies, and three great loves in our lives. But these twelve are always disguised, and we never know which one is which until we've loved them, left them, or fought them.

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Yastreb

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #1040 on: August 17, 2024, 07:07:03 AM »
I saw this on Not Always Right and I had to share.

***

A teenage son is buying a copy of Mortal Kombat. He looks around sixteen, so his dad is with him to authorise the purchase for an 18+ game.
Dad: “Did you know that the game Mortal Kombat is based off of a church song from Finland?”
Me: “I didn’t know that!”
Dad: “… a Finnish hymn.”
Silence.
Son: “Dad, that was more painful than ANY of the fatalities in the game…”

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thegreyarea

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #1041 on: August 17, 2024, 08:49:00 AM »
Teenage boy, ready to go out:

"Dad, how do I look?"

"With your eyes."


 ^-^
(Can a bad joke be too bad? Maybe... but I couldn't resist)
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Yastreb

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #1042 on: August 27, 2024, 06:33:56 AM »
Another example of a newspaper story that started on one topic but switched suddenly to another because of a paste-up error:

 “The pallbearers lowered the body to the grave. It was consigned to the flames. There were few, if any regrets, for the old wreck had been an eyesore to the town for years. Of course there was individual loss, but that was fully covered by insurance.”
"Life is all we are. Life is what defines us. In the end, Life is the answer."

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Yastreb

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #1043 on: September 04, 2024, 07:50:09 PM »
Here's something I found on Medium under the title Almost The Worst Joke In The World.

Don't say you weren't warned.


***

On a December trip to Frostbite Falls, Minnesota, Ferdinand Feghoot was summoned to the local college, Wossamotta U. by Inspector Fenwick, the Chief of Police.
There he was confronted with an appalling scene. Bullwinkle, the town’s leading citizen, had been smashed flatter than a kippered herring by a falling safe.
“It’s a common enough means of death for cartoon characters,” Fenwick opined. “Every year, we lose five or six citizens to falling safes. But this time, it was no accident. This time, it’s murder!”
He showed Feghoot the ingenious deadfall trap rigged to rain financial ruin on an unsuspecting victim. Bullwinkle’s antlers were still entangled in the tripwire. Grasped tightly in one hand was a small statue of a Hindu god.
The dead quadruped’s best friend, Rocky the flying squirrel had been with Bullwinkle at the time of his death, but when questioned by Feghoot, the distraught rodent said all he could remember was seeing a rabbi fleeing the scene upon a pogo stick.
Fenwick immediately issued an APB for the rabbi.
“You’re wasting your time, Fenwick,” said Feghoot grimly, as he stood from his examination of the body. “The rabbi has been framed. When you find him, he will tell you of some elaborate ruse that induced him to be on a pogo stick at this time and place.”
“How do you know that, Feghoot?” asked the Inspector.
“This is the work of the Christmas Killer,” Feghoot declared. “I have been on the trail of this fiend for years, and I fear that we might never catch him. Every December, he arranges one of these grisly messages.”
“Look! Didn’t you notice the smile on the victim’s face? The corners of his mouth have been propped up… by these!” He displayed two toothpicks he had taken from Bullwinkle’s mouth.
“I still don’t see how you know the murderer is the Christmas Killer,” said Fenwick.
“Isn’t it obvious?” Feghoot asked. “Wee Vishnu, a merry crushed moose, and a hoppy Jew near.”
"Life is all we are. Life is what defines us. In the end, Life is the answer."

Ruler of Bartolomeu de Gusmão Airport.

wavewright62

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #1044 on: September 06, 2024, 02:32:56 AM »


Always a newbie at something
Native speaker: :us:
Acquired: :nz:
Grew up speaking but now very rusty: :ee:


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Yastreb

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #1045 on: November 02, 2024, 08:00:28 AM »
"I saw a new warship leaving the harbour."
"Destroyer?"
"No, just knocked her unconscious!"
"Life is all we are. Life is what defines us. In the end, Life is the answer."

Ruler of Bartolomeu de Gusmão Airport.