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Author Topic: Bad jokes thread  (Read 139548 times)

Yastreb

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #810 on: June 11, 2021, 11:29:43 PM »
Vandals attack an abandoned fairground in... Raiders Of The Lost Park
What scared Napoleon the most? Just eight words... The Prussians Are Coming, The Prussians Are Coming
The first rule is; don't talk about this movie on airliners... it's Flight Club

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Grade E cat

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #811 on: June 13, 2021, 12:08:32 PM »
Another from social media: hindsight is 20/20, but 2020 was shoddy, hence hindsight is shoddy.
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Anna

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #812 on: June 13, 2021, 07:31:15 PM »
A man made himself a playlist for hiking. It has music from Peanuts, the Cranberries, and Eminem.
It’s his Trail Mix.  :))
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Róisín

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #813 on: June 13, 2021, 09:50:02 PM »
Anna, that is funny!
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Yastreb

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #814 on: June 19, 2021, 07:38:48 PM »
A man was given emergency roadside surgery, without anaesthetic, by a pair of tailors. The most unsettling memory wasn't the pain; it was how the tailors kept saying "Suture, sir? Suture, sir?"
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JoB

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #815 on: June 20, 2021, 02:21:44 AM »
Quote from: Yastreb on June 19, 2021, 07:38:48 PM
A man was given emergency roadside surgery, without anaesthetic, by a pair of tailors. The most unsettling memory wasn't the pain; it was how the tailors kept saying "Suture, sir? Suture, sir?"
Oh yeah, I sure did hear of this incident. Neither party will stop rantering anytime soon.
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wavewright62

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #816 on: June 20, 2021, 03:17:24 AM »
Late to the trend, but here are my movie titles changing one letter:

Middle-aged couples kvetch in exotic locales - Teen Things I Hate About You
The sequel to the above - Moanstruck
The sequel to the Birds, after the birds repent and hang around the nearest cathedral - Birds of Pray
An exposee of the cosmetic industry's obsession with whiteness - My Fair Leady
Miscommunication hilarity ensues on an ill-fated Bolshoi Ballet tour using local extras - Dancers with Wolves
This time, they're packing heat (but not too much) - Silencer of the Lambs
The garment industry seeks to create a trend in loungewear - Robing Hood
A plucky Hawaiian girl discovers her talent for flying when she is whisked to a wizarding school - Lilo & Snitch
There's a new resident in Mordor these days - The Return of the Kong
Speaking of post-canon Tolkien, a heist movie featuring a team that stayed behind in MirkGreenwood - Ocean's Elven
The craze for Asian chocolate-dipped sticks takes an unexpected turn the day they run out - The Pocky Horror Picture Show
Actually, there can be two - Thighlander
A drag cabaret with an award-winning menu - Priscilla, Queen of the Dessert
Just another day on the Venice Beach bus line - Speedo
Historical romance set in the pottery works, seeking a purified glaze colour - A Crockwork Orange
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JoB

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #817 on: June 20, 2021, 09:27:58 AM »
Quote from: wavewright62 on June 20, 2021, 03:17:24 AM
There's a new resident in Mordor these days - The Return of the Kong
... and boy have the wargs been waiting for this one ...
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Grade E cat

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #818 on: June 21, 2021, 02:11:51 AM »
More than two hours and a half passed between the moment the Titanic hit that iceberg and it being completely submerged. Let that sink in.
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Yastreb

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #819 on: July 28, 2021, 04:46:50 AM »
And now, some advertisements that were... enhanced by a single letter added, subtracted, or substituted.

"For Rent: 6-room hated apartment."
"This house has been fully insulted."
"Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours."
"Great Dames for sale."
"Mother's helper wanted – peasant working conditions."
"Our experienced Mom will care of your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included."
"TO LET: 4 bedroom house close to town. No poets."
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Jitter

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #820 on: July 28, 2021, 06:14:47 AM »
Aww, what do you have against poets?!  :onni:
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Grade E cat

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #821 on: July 28, 2021, 07:18:53 AM »
Aww... where am I going to go with my cat that can recite poetry now?

Some weeks ago, I decided to read a bunch of dad jokes. Personal spins on those I still remember :

For as long as I can remember, I've only had a stepladder. I lost my original ladder when I was very young.

I once tried figure out how my parents kept busy before social media was a thing. My eighteen siblings had no idea, either.

I odered a chicken and an egg online. I'll let you know.

As a child, I was told I could be whoever I wanted to be. Then I found out identity theft is a crime.

You're supposed to say "no" to drugs, but if you're talking to drugs, it's probably already too late.
« Last Edit: July 29, 2021, 07:14:23 AM by Grade E cat »
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A little learned during hardcore anime fan phase: :jp:
Only alternative to English in early junior high school: :de:

Do what cat. Lalli's way of life since age three.

Yastreb

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #822 on: July 29, 2021, 07:03:46 AM »
And now, some ads that could have been better phrased...

"A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms."
"Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children."
"For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers"
"Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating."
"Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops."
"Sheer stockings, designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else"
"Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink."
"Wanted: hunting rifle, suitable for teenagers"
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"Life is all we are. Life is what defines us. In the end, Life is the answer."

Ruler of Bartolomeu de Gusmão Airport.

Yastreb

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #823 on: August 10, 2021, 06:29:32 PM »
If ever I visit Scotland, I'll be sure to visit some of their more picturesque sites...

Loch Doubt
Loch Jaw
Loch Smith

Ben Dover

The Firstdegree Burn
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"Life is all we are. Life is what defines us. In the end, Life is the answer."

Ruler of Bartolomeu de Gusmão Airport.

wavewright62

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #824 on: August 11, 2021, 04:26:22 AM »
Certainly not while Melbourne is once again paying tribute to that redoubtable burgh - Loch Down.
(sorry)
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