Bad jokes thread

[OwlsG0]

A Greek man walks into a tailor’s shop holding a pair of trousers. The tailor takes the pants and holds them up, turns to the man and says “Euripides?”
“Yes,” the man responded, “Eumenides?”

(I'll add my mom's favourite joke to that)

A Greek guy walks into a tailor's shop holding two pairs of trousers. Both of them are ripped.
The tailor picks up the first pair and says "Euripides?"

The man shakes his head and points to the second pair "No, I rip-a dose"

(I don't think it's that funny, but every time my mom tells it she laughs until she can't breathe)

[urbicande]

We sure do love statistician jokes on this thread

On the average, they're funny.

43% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

[Anna]

A man just assaulted me with milk, cream and butter. How dairy.

[Oscar Leigh]

A man just assaulted me with milk, cream and butter. How dairy.

OH MY LORD!

A popular author is doing a book tour. He signs a book for a pretty young girl with yellow ribbons in her hair. She is very happy. Then he calls the next in line. A large mechanical appliance comes up. "Hey," it says "I'm a huge fan."

[urbicande]

A man just assaulted me with milk, cream and butter. How dairy.

That's the cheesiest joke I've read in a long time.

[Purple Wyrm]

The advantages of simple origami are twofold.

[urbicande]

A mushroom walks into a bar.  The bartender says, "Get out, we don't want your kind here."

"Oh, come on," protests the mushroom, "I'm a fungi!"

[Anna]

What do you call a snobbish criminal going down the stairs?

A condescending con descending.

[Athena]

What do you call a snobbish criminal going down the stairs?

A condescending con descending.

I didn't et it at first and then I read it more carefully...

[urbicande]

One from the dark ages.

A ratty-looking string walks into a bar. The bartender looks at it and says, "Get out.  We don't want you in here."

The string is annoyed at this, so as soon as it leaves, it twists itself up and goes right back into the bar.  The bartender looks suspiciously at it and says, "Hey, aren't you the string that was just in here?"

"Nope," says the string, "I'm a frayed knot."

[Jethan]

What do you call a snobbish criminal going down the stairs?

A condescending con descending.

I just have to particularly point this out as being fabulous.

[VibratingText]

A couple is walking in St. Petersburg Square on Christmas Eve. They feel a slight precipitation.

“I think it’s raining,” says the man.

“No, it’s snowing,” replies the woman.

“How about we ask this Communist officer here? He is always right!” exclaims the man. “Officer Rudolph, is it raining or snowing?”

“Definitely raining,” Officer Rudolph replies before walking off.

The man turns to his wife with a smile. “See? Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.”

[Anna]

A couple is walking in St. Petersburg Square on Christmas Eve. They feel a slight precipitation.

“I think it’s raining,” says the man.

“No, it’s snowing,” replies the woman.

“How about we ask this Communist officer here? He is always right!” exclaims the man. “Officer Rudolph, is it raining or snowing?”

“Definitely raining,” Officer Rudolph replies before walking off.

The man turns to his wife with a smile. “See? Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.”

Classic

Also, some writing advice I found:
Proper punctuation can make the difference between a sentence that’s well-written and a sentence that’s, well, written..

[OwlsG0]

A couple is walking in St. Petersburg Square on Christmas Eve. They feel a slight precipitation.

“I think it’s raining,” says the man.

“No, it’s snowing,” replies the woman.

“How about we ask this Communist officer here? He is always right!” exclaims the man. “Officer Rudolph, is it raining or snowing?”

“Definitely raining,” Officer Rudolph replies before walking off.

The man turns to his wife with a smile. “See? Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.”

I want that on a shirt

[urbicande]

What did the ocean say to the beach?

Nothing. It just waved.