Bad jokes thread

[Jethan]

I know, I was trying to make a joke but apparently it didn't go over well :c

I was implying molten gold and wishing death on her teammates in that context. xD

[OwlsG0]

I was implying molten gold and wishing death on her teammates in that context. xD

If Siv really did kill the others, with all the threats they face from trolls it would be a rather...rich...way to die, at the hands of their boss

(Since we are on the bad jokes thread)

[Anna]

A Spanish-speaking magician tells her audience that she will disappear on a count of 3. She says "Uno…dos…" and POOF! She vanishes without a tres.

[urbicande]

René Descartes is sitting in a small Parisian café eating breakfast.  The waiter comes up to him and asks, "Monsieur Descartes, would you care for more coffee?"

Descartes shakes his head and says, "I think not."  Then he vanishes.

[Róisín]

But where are Keats and Shelley? Yes, I'm a Flann O'Brien fan. So sue me.

[urbicande]

Before he was in the café, he was in the stables attempting to teach philosophy and geometry to some of the mares and stallions.  He was, sadly, badly injured when the animals reared up and kicked him in the face and chest.

Which just goes to prove that you should never put Descartes before the horse.

[OwlsG0]

Can we just agree that all of these jokes comprise Mikkel's sense of humour? And everyone hates him for telling jokes?

[urbicande]

Seen on Facebook

 
THE ULTIMATE ETHNIC JOKE
 
An Englishman, a Scotsman, an  Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, several  Americans (including a Hawaiian and an Alaskan), an Argentinean, a  Dane, an Australian, a Slovak, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan,  a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a  Colombian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, a Uzbek, a Cypriot, a  Pole, a Lithuanian, a Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman  Islander, a Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, a Uruguayan, a Czech, an  Icelander, a Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, an  Israeli, a Venezuelan, an Iranian, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Estonian, a  Syrian, a Brazilian, a Portuguese, a Liechtensteiner, a Mongolian, a Hungarian, a Canadian, a Moldovan, a Haitian, a Norfolk Islander, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a Cook Islander, a Tajikistani, a Samoan, an  Armenian, an Aruban, an Albanian, a Greenlander, a Micronesian, a  Virgin Islander, a Georgian, a Bahaman, a Belarusian, a Cuban, a  Tongan, a Cambodian, a Canadian, a Qatari, an Azerbaijani, a  Romanian, a Chilean, a Jamaican, a Filipino, a Ukrainian, a Dutchman, a Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a  Greek, a Belgian, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian, and 2 South Africans ... 
 
... all walk into a fine upscale restaurant.
 

"I'm sorry," says the maître d', after scrutinizing the group, "but you can't come in here without a Thai."

[Solokov]

Seen on Facebook

 
THE ULTIMATE ETHNIC JOKE
 
An Englishman, a Scotsman, an  Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, several  Americans (including a Hawaiian and an Alaskan), an Argentinean, a  Dane, an Australian, a Slovak, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan,  a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a  Colombian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, a Uzbek, a Cypriot, a  Pole, a Lithuanian, a Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman  Islander, a Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, a Uruguayan, a Czech, an  Icelander, a Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, an  Israeli, a Venezuelan, an Iranian, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Estonian, a  Syrian, a Brazilian, a Portuguese, a Liechtensteiner, a Mongolian, a Hungarian, a Canadian, a Moldovan, a Haitian, a Norfolk Islander, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a Cook Islander, a Tajikistani, a Samoan, an  Armenian, an Aruban, an Albanian, a Greenlander, a Micronesian, a  Virgin Islander, a Georgian, a Bahaman, a Belarusian, a Cuban, a  Tongan, a Cambodian, a Canadian, a Qatari, an Azerbaijani, a  Romanian, a Chilean, a Jamaican, a Filipino, a Ukrainian, a Dutchman, a Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a  Greek, a Belgian, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian, and 2 South Africans ... 
 
... all walk into a fine upscale restaurant.
 

"I'm sorry," says the maître d', after scrutinizing the group, "but you can't come in here without a Thai."

Not enough facepalm macros on the internet for that one.

[Lazy8]

Seen on Facebook

 
THE ULTIMATE ETHNIC JOKE
 
An Englishman, a Scotsman, an  Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, several  Americans (including a Hawaiian and an Alaskan), an Argentinean, a  Dane, an Australian, a Slovak, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan,  a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a  Colombian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, a Uzbek, a Cypriot, a  Pole, a Lithuanian, a Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman  Islander, a Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, a Uruguayan, a Czech, an  Icelander, a Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, an  Israeli, a Venezuelan, an Iranian, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Estonian, a  Syrian, a Brazilian, a Portuguese, a Liechtensteiner, a Mongolian, a Hungarian, a Canadian, a Moldovan, a Haitian, a Norfolk Islander, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a Cook Islander, a Tajikistani, a Samoan, an  Armenian, an Aruban, an Albanian, a Greenlander, a Micronesian, a  Virgin Islander, a Georgian, a Bahaman, a Belarusian, a Cuban, a  Tongan, a Cambodian, a Canadian, a Qatari, an Azerbaijani, a  Romanian, a Chilean, a Jamaican, a Filipino, a Ukrainian, a Dutchman, a Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a  Greek, a Belgian, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian, and 2 South Africans ... 
 
... all walk into a fine upscale restaurant.
 

"I'm sorry," says the maître d', after scrutinizing the group, "but you can't come in here without a Thai."

*stares at joke for a few seconds*

*doesn't get it*

*suddenly gets it*

*slooooooowly facepalms*

[JoB]

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an  Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, [...] a Croatian, ...
... all walk into a fine upscale restaurant.
 "I'm sorry," says the maître d', after scrutinizing the group, "but you can't come in here without a Thai."

"Excuse me," replies the German, "that's what we brought le cravate for!"

[OwlsG0]

Seen on Facebook

 
THE ULTIMATE ETHNIC JOKE
 
An Englishman, a Scotsman, an  Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, several  Americans (including a Hawaiian and an Alaskan), an Argentinean, a  Dane, an Australian, a Slovak, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan,  a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a  Colombian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, a Uzbek, a Cypriot, a  Pole, a Lithuanian, a Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman  Islander, a Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, a Uruguayan, a Czech, an  Icelander, a Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, an  Israeli, a Venezuelan, an Iranian, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Estonian, a  Syrian, a Brazilian, a Portuguese, a Liechtensteiner, a Mongolian, a Hungarian, a Canadian, a Moldovan, a Haitian, a Norfolk Islander, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a Cook Islander, a Tajikistani, a Samoan, an  Armenian, an Aruban, an Albanian, a Greenlander, a Micronesian, a  Virgin Islander, a Georgian, a Bahaman, a Belarusian, a Cuban, a  Tongan, a Cambodian, a Canadian, a Qatari, an Azerbaijani, a  Romanian, a Chilean, a Jamaican, a Filipino, a Ukrainian, a Dutchman, a Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a  Greek, a Belgian, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian, and 2 South Africans ... 
 
... all walk into a fine upscale restaurant.
 

"I'm sorry," says the maître d', after scrutinizing the group, "but you can't come in here without a Thai."

Did they bring along an extra South African in case they lost the other one?
(Or am I being insensitive and is it to represent the fact that there are historically distinct communities of black South Africans and white South Africans and one of each went out to eat to represent their individual ethnic communities?)

[saminiemi]

"Excuse me," replies the German, "that's what we brought le cravate for!"

Brilliant 

[urbicande]

If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.

[Ana Nymus]

If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.

Ah, so you make chemistry jokes?

Answer: Yes, but only periodically.