Things Mikkel Madsen is Not Allowed to Do:

[Róisín]

Nah, JoB: I suspect that their teeth just aren't suitable for ichthyotherapy! Not to mention that they are are an unsuitable species!

[JoB]

Nah, JoB: I suspect that their teeth just aren't suitable for ichthyotherapy! Not to mention that they are are an unsuitable species!

I am not allowed to promote other "improved" cosmetic procedures, nor to claim that "the incompatibility must lie on the client's side" ever again.
Attaching prosthetic toes to my former clients is neither an excuse for having caused their loss in the first place, nor does it make me a "cosmetic surgeon".
I am not to speak of cosmetics ever again.
Not even when giving a hotel a forwarding address for my mail.

[Róisín]

Fascinating! I'm amazed at some of the stuff you find.

[Hearth]

I am not allowed to continue misspelling "dagrenning" as "dargrenning" to prevent people from finding any background information other than the one I planted beforehand.
I am not allowed to claim that it should be "dar..." so as "to better reflect the 'dark' and 'daring' aspects" I previously claimed them to have.

I should've known I’d misspell it oh well, no point in going back and changing it now 

[JoB]

Fascinating! I'm amazed at some of the stuff you find.

Me too. I was actually trying to find an online copy of the apocryphal story about an astrophysics professor who was surprised seeing the students who had come to the first lecture of that semester's course, only to find that the university calendar had its title misprinted as "cosmetic rays", but a factual one was even better.

(I still don't believe some of the matches that come up when doing an online search for "cosmetic rays". Not to mention the sheer number of typos from people who obviously do know better.)

[Grade E cat]

I should've known I’d misspell it oh well, no point in going back and changing it now 

My own case of spelling it "dargrenning" came from the fact that I was quoting you, and decided it would be faster to copy-paste from your quote than to rewrite the whole word. Sympathizing on being stuck with it because JoB made it so funny  .

[hexdit]

Should I end up doing any of the above anyway, I should avoid doing it within earshot of people who already have family members born out of the dargrenning program.

I am not allowed to claim that the dargrenning program makes the embryos immune by adding cat genetic material to them, then promptly point in Lalli Hotakainen's general direction.

I shall not build a time machine, go back Emil Vasterstrom's conception, and arrange a marriage between him and Lalli Hotakainen "in the spirt of Swedish-Finnish relations".
I shall not accept payment from the Emil/Lalli faction of The Great Skald Shipping Brigade for the same.
I will not start another shipping war over the same.
I will not organize jousts between the factions of The Great Skald Shipping Brigade "for the edification of the public".
I will not organize space battles between the same.
I will explain where I got the spaceships.
Showing my superiors Star Wars is not an explination.
I will not organize The Great Skald Shipping Brigade.
I will not build time machines.
I will explain how I even built a time machine.
Handing my superior officers an Improbability Drive is not an explination.
Neither is a Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy box set.
Nor the Heart of Gold.
I will not give civilians spaceships.
Nor the Norweigan military.
Especially not Sigrun Eide.
I will not give The Great Skald Shipping Brigade the Millenium Falcon
I will not christen ships the Heart of Gold.
Or the Millenium Falcon
I will not build Infinite Improbability Drives.
I will not build hyperdrives.
I will not adress my commander as "Chancellor Palpatine".
I will not insist that the Dargrenning program breeds stormtroopers.
Even if it is the Danish master plan.
I will not yell "Execute Order 66" over the radio.
Especially if Order 66 is a suicide charge.
I will stop asking people if they know where their towels are.
Especially my bara waifu Sigrun Eide.
I deserved to have her punch me.

[frostykitty]

"I will not hit team members and claim their bruises are the rash.
Even if they are immune.
Especially not while in quarantine."

[JoB]

"Especially not while in quarantine."

Speaking of which ...

I will not try to shut up my superior, not even when her rambling threatens to bless us all with repeated penal doublings of our quarantine time.
I will not do a standup Admiral Olsen parody to drown her out, either.
I will not parody Admiral Olsen, period.
I will refrain from any "public" display until we're out of these huddled-together non-soundproof quarantine cells.

[hexdit]

Speaking of which ...

I will not try to shut up my superior, not even when her rambling threatens to bless us all with repeated penal doublings of our quarantine time.
I will not do a standup Admiral Olsen parody to drown her out, either.
I will not parody Admiral Olsen, period.
I will refrain from any "public" display until we're out of these huddled-together non-soundproof quarantine cells.

I will not, I repeat not use said cells as recording studios.
Even if they do have good acoustics.
I will not teach Sigrun the Gangnam Style dance.

[wavewright62]

I will not encourage the mission cat to carry squirrels using her military collar as a saddle.
I will not encourage the mission cat to wear a 'uniform' cape.

[JoB]

I will not encourage the mission cat to carry squirrels using her military collar as a saddle.
I will not encourage the mission cat to wear a 'uniform' cape.

I will not encourage the mission cat to wear a pair of boots.
I will not encourage the mission cat to wear two pairs of boots, either.
I will stop mistranslating the Finnish mages as saying that Silent Finland is "strewn with thumbtacks and other sharp implements".
I will stop making cat-sized boots that remain hidden under tiny capes that are attached to their top rim.

[hexdit]

I will not encourage the mission cat to wear a pair of boots.

I will not refer to the mission cat as "Puss in Boots", either.

[Grade E cat]

If I am ever invited to spend a few days in a colleague's family home, I am to stay out of the kitchen unless I'm in there to eat.
I am not allowed to get around the above by working in the kitchen with a piece of bread in my mouth. Or a cookie. Make that literally any food I could pull that trick with.
I am not allowed to improvise a kitchen in another room in the house either.

[hexdit]

If I am ever invited to spend a few days in a colleague's family home, I am to stay out of the kitchen unless I'm in there to eat.
I am not allowed to get around the above by working in the kitchen with a piece of bread in my mouth. Or a cookie. Make that literally any food I could pull that trick with.
I am not allowed to improvise a kitchen in another room in the house either.

I am not allowed to make a barbecue pit.