Things Mikkel Madsen is Not Allowed to Do:

[Grade E cat]

When taking the mage for walkies supervising the civilian's recreation time I will not make him wear a leash

Something from the art museum you may want to look at, if you haven't found it on your own yet:
https://ssssforum.com/index.php?topic=35.msg136204#msg136204

[Jharad17]

Not allowed to refer to the soup containers as "fuel cans," even if, technically, the soup is fuel for the body.

[wavewright62]

  (Courtesy of Epi)

I will not practice my ventriloquism by making it appear the cats are speaking.
I will not practice my ventriloquism by making it appear the cats are using telepathy.
I will not practice my ventriloquism by making it appear the cats are using trollish speech patterns.
I will not practice my ventriloquism by making it appear that trollish speech is coming from your own head.
I will not practice my ventriloquism using trollish speech patterns at all.

[Grade E cat]

I will not arrange for Torbjörn and Reynir to bump into each other to see for how long they can apologize to each other.
I will not organize overprotectiveness contests between Onni, Emil and Reynir's older siblings.
Especially if the props include Tuuri, Lalli, Reynir, a large quantity of rope and a pool of hungry piranhas.
I will explain where I found piranhas.
If these piranhas are really my pets, I shouldn't have starved them in the first place.
I will not name my pet piranhas after my collegues, current or former.

[OwlsG0]

I will not arrange for Torbjörn and Reynir to bump into each other to see for how long they can aplogize to each other.
I will not organize overprotectiveness contests between Onni, Emil and Reynir's older siblings.
Especially if the props include Tuuri, Lalli, Reynir, a large quantity of rope and a pool of hungry piranhas.
I will explain where I found piranhas.
If these piranhas are really my pets, I shouldn't have starved them in the first place.
I will not name my pet piranhas after my collegues, current or former.

I will stop bringing 'Commander Fishgrun' to my meetings in a fishbowl. She makes everyone else around me feel menaced and uncomfortable.

[LooNEY_DAC]

I will stop bringing 'Commander Fishgrun' to my meetings in a fishbowl. She makes everyone else around me feel menaced and uncomfortable.

Sigrun Eide is not a member of the Danish military, therefore:
I will not threaten new recruits with "the wrath of Sigrun"
...or my peers
...and certainly not my superiors
...even if it is the most best effective motivator.

[OwlsG0]

Sigrun Eide is not a member of the Danish military, therefore:
I will not threaten new recruits with "the wrath of Sigrun"
...or my peers
...and certainly not my superiors
...even if it is the most best effective motivator.

I will stop enlisting Sigrun Eide to stand behind me and stare down my seniors when I am attempting to obtain something from them

[JoB]

I will stop enlisting Sigrun Eide to stand behind me and stare down my seniors when I am attempting to obtain something from them

I will stop being out of uniform most of the time, and explain where I found a print shop making me a t-shirt with Sigruns larger-than-life staring face on it.

[Solokov]

I will not use a pink, grey and orange marker on sleeping cadets in quarantine.
I will not create false sores on sleeping cadets in quarantine with only markers and oatmeal.
I will immediately explain how I broke quarantine without breaking any of the quarantine tamper seals as that is an important security problem.

[OwlsG0]

I will not use a pink, grey and orange marker on sleeping cadets in quarantine.
I will not create false sores on sleeping cadets in quarantine with only markers and oatmeal.
I will immediately explain how I broke quarantine without breaking any of the quarantine tamper seals as that is an important security problem.

Furthermore, I will divulge the supplier of my seemingly endless supply of oatmeal that is somehow not affecting the institution's own supply

[Solokov]

Furthermore, I will divulge the supplier of my seemingly endless supply of oatmeal that is somehow not affecting the institution's own supply

While it is fascinating that I captured a troll that is both non-hostile and secretes oatmeal, sadly "captain quaker" needs to be put down.

[JoB]

While it is fascinating that I captured a troll that is both non-hostile and secretes oatmeal, sadly "captain quaker" needs to be put down.

I shall cooperate with the Öresundsbro base's quartermaster, who has recently grown a suspicion why a fifteen-stories-high ex-oil-drilling-platform supposedly has only three decks to offer for him to use.
I shall better run from the assorted mages, though, who have been complaining about the incessant Black Speech "as if the grosslings were right next door" for years.

[OwlsG0]

I will stop attempting to summon Tuuri Hotakainen with an Ouija board. While my superiors understand that everyone processes grief differently, they are sick of disembodied 'eeeees' floating around the compound and engines spontaneously turn on and scare the Hel out of the other skalds.

(I was doing my own grieving for Tuuri, this popped into my head and made me feel marginally better)

[Róisín]

OwlsGo, I love that idea. Or of course her ghost might take up residence in one of the big shiny tanks she so admired at the beginning of the story....

[JoB]

Or of course her ghost might take up residence in one of the big shiny tanks she so admired at the beginning of the story....

Not to mention a bajillion other gimmicks of Öresundbro base, from dozens of radios to elevators to everything making up the Dalahästen terminal ...

Radio Geezer: "Are those trolls talking to us in Finnish now!?"