Things Mikkel Madsen is Not Allowed to Do:

[JoB]

I am no longer allowed to communicate through the majesty of dance
I am not part bee, therefore this demand is not discriminatory against my ethnic background
I will cease making that unending buzzing noise whenever I move
I am not required to consume flowers or other nectar-producing plants every 15 minutes
I am not allowed to carry a needle to simulate the sensation of a sting, nor administer this when someone irritates me
I will stop tormenting those among my colleagues who are allergic to bees by threatening them with a fatal dose of my 'genuine bee venom' if they incur my wrath

Meanwhile, the other members of the expedition-to-be wait for the arrival of their crewmate Mikkel, who is delayed by be(e)ing stung by his CO.

[wavewright62]

I am no longer allowed to communicate through the majesty of dance
I am not part bee, therefore this demand is not discriminatory against my ethnic background
I will cease making that unending buzzing noise whenever I move
I am not required to consume flowers or other nectar-producing plants every 15 minutes
I am not allowed to carry a needle to simulate the sensation of a sting, nor administer this when someone irritates me
I will stop tormenting those among my colleagues who are allergic to bees by threatening them with a fatal dose of my 'genuine bee venom' if they incur my wrath

Okay, I didn't really need the coffee I just snorted out.  Good one!

[Grade E cat]

There are better way to hide the fact that I'm briging a cat back from the Silent World than convincing my employers that they are hallucinating it.
It's "cooking duty" not "food duty". Especially if it's being assigned to anyone that I have called "backup food supply" on previous occasions.

[LooNEY_DAC]

There are better way to hide the fact that I'm briging a cat back from the Silent World than convincing my employers that they are hallucinating it.
It's "cooking duty" not "food duty". Especially if it's being assigned to anyone that I have called "backup food supply" on previous occasions.

I am not allowed to call anyone "backup food supply".
...Especially the civilians.
...Even if they agree.
I am not allowed to use the phrase "backup food supply".
...Or "emergency rations".

The Blessed Felines are our friends and allies and are not to be used as dust mops.
...Or rug beaters.
I am not allowed to tell those assigned to me to use the Blessed Felines in the aforementioned manner.
I will personally clean up all the bloodstains resulting from my violations of the above.

It is known as "the Silent World" for good reason; therefore, I am not allowed to use noisemakers of any type.
I will explain exactly where and how I obtained a working air-horn.
Blasting an air-horn at someone from behind does not cure "cranial-rectal inversion".
There is no "cranial-rectal inversion epidemic" in the Danish Army.
...Or the Danish Navy.

[Ragnarok]

I am not allowed to call anyone "backup food supply".
...<i>Especially</i> the civilians.
...Even if they agree.
I am not allowed to use the phrase "backup food supply".
...Or "emergency rations".

The Blessed Felines are our friends and allies and are not to be used as dust mops.
...Or rug beaters.
I am not allowed to tell those assigned to me to use the Blessed Felines in the aforementioned manner.
I will personally clean up all the bloodstains resulting from my violations of the above.

It is known as "the Silent World" for good reason; therefore, I am not allowed to use noisemakers of any type.
I will explain exactly where and how I obtained a working air-horn.
Blasting an air-horn at someone from behind does <i>not</i> cure "cranial-rectal inversion".
There is no "cranial-rectal inversion epidemic" in the Danish Army.
...Or the Danish Navy.

Or the Danish Air Force.
We don't have an air force.
Painting a colony of bats with the Danish flag and equipping them with tiny toy machine guns does not mean I am the founder of the Danish Air Force.
I am not allowed near bat colonies.
I am not allowed near bird nests.

[Purple Wyrm]

I am not allowed to shave the cats unless specifically ordered to do so
If ordered to shave the cats I shall do the job properly and not 'improvise'
Even in an attempt to 'raise morale through humour'

[Abprallen]

I am not allowed to shave the cats unless specifically ordered to do so
If ordered to shave the cats I shall do the job properly and not 'improvise'
Even in an attempt to 'raise morale through humour'

I just gave myself a nosebleed from laughing so hard. Very funny!

[wavewright62]

I am not allowed to test the veracity of old texts about cooking using a vehicle engine by putting food onto any vehicle's engine.
I am not allowed to declare the results of the disallowed experiments 'crap Suzette.'

[Sir.Orc]

Fire is not my friend
I will not improvise Icelandic runes
Especially if they are clearly emoji
I will not convince the gullible Icelandic civilian that emoji are runes
Even if he manages to actually cast something with them

[OwlsG0]

I am not allowed to refer to my superiors as 'dude'
I am not allowed to refer to my superiors as 'Mr/Ma'am Dude', or 'Sir dude' or add 'dude' to any honorific

[Sir.Orc]

Don't know if one like this got posted already:
When taking the mage for walkies supervising the civilian's recreation time I will not make him wear a leash
I will not blame mechanical failures on "negative waves"
Our tank does not need a viking funeral

[JoB]

I am not allowed to refer to my superiors as 'dude'
I am not allowed to refer to my superiors as 'Mr/Ma'am Dude', or 'Sir dude' or add 'dude' to any honorific

I am really really seriously not allowed to mutter something along the lines of "but those're all dudes" as my company approaches a minefield.

[Grade E cat]

The big question Minna's comment on today's page leaves unanswered: how did he lose that firefighter job?

I will not put "Only you can prevent forest fires" posters in cleanser barracks.
I will not tell people that mere proximity of a cleanser can start a fire.
The above applies to mages as well.
I will not tell people that the leading local cause of fires is my employer trying to cook.
Even if everyone knows this to be true.

[Sir.Orc]

I will not put "Only you can prevent forest fires" posters in cleanser barracks.
I will not tell people that mere proximity of a cleanser can start a fire.
The above applies to mages as well.
I will not tell people that the leading local cause of fires is my employer trying to cook.
Even if everyone knows this to be true.

Excellent, I especially like the first one!

[LooNEY_DAC]

I am not allowed to refer to members of the Folketing as "Thingamajigs", "Thingamabobs", or "Ting-Tang-Walla-Walla-Bing-Bangs".
...Not allowed to talk about the Folketing or its members.
...Or the Allthing or its members.