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Author Topic: Bad jokes thread  (Read 139402 times)

JacobThomsen

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #210 on: August 24, 2016, 10:06:39 AM »
Quote from: urbicande on August 24, 2016, 09:32:24 AM
Why do ducks have flat feet?

To stamp out forest fires!

Why do elephants have flat feet?

To stamp out burning ducks!

Nothing like dark jokes on a Wednesday. Here's one more, it's not that "fun" but I'll post it anyway

You’re standing in front of a man, he says: “if you tell me a lie I’ll cut your head off, but if you tell me a truth I’ll choke you”. What do you say?

Spoiler: show
“In a moment you will cut my head off”


Here is a more traditional one.

A man, his son and a dog walk into a bar.
"Ow!"
"Ow!"
"Woof!"
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urbicande

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #211 on: August 24, 2016, 12:14:35 PM »
Quote from: JacobThomsen on August 24, 2016, 10:06:39 AM
You’re standing in front of a man, he says: “if you tell me a lie I’ll cut your head off, but if you tell me a truth I’ll choke you”. What do you say?

Spoiler: show
“In a moment you will cut my head off”



Surely the proper answer is to say nothing at all.
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JacobThomsen

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #212 on: August 24, 2016, 12:44:32 PM »
Quote from: urbicande on August 24, 2016, 12:14:35 PM
Surely the proper answer is to say nothing at all.

No the man don't like to wait, you have to say something or he'll just kill you  :P
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Lazy8

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #213 on: August 24, 2016, 01:50:31 PM »
Quote from: JacobThomsen on August 24, 2016, 12:44:32 PM
No the man don't like to wait, you have to say something or he'll just kill you  :P

In which case you should just cut his head off first. It's legitimate self-defense!
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JacobThomsen

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #214 on: August 24, 2016, 01:59:52 PM »
Quote from: Lazy8 on August 24, 2016, 01:50:31 PM
In which case you should just cut his head off first. It's legitimate self-defense!

Only Sigrun would be skilled enough to do that
« Last Edit: August 24, 2016, 02:07:05 PM by JacobThomsen »
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Lazy8

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #215 on: August 24, 2016, 04:40:22 PM »
Just a fair warning: there is some mention of sexual harassment.

Anyway, here's a fun one I was subjected to. I was out having brunch with a male friend who's gay (this is relevant). We were talking about stuff to do in the city, and he mentioned visiting a part of town where I'd run into a creepy guy old enough to be my grandfather who'd started hitting on me and just would not take a hint. So I made mention of this, and said "So if at any point I grab onto your arm and introduce you as my boyfriend, please play along."

Him: "Okay, I'll try to play it straight."

Me: ... "You win. I don't know what, but you win."
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Oscar Leigh

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #216 on: August 25, 2016, 09:34:46 AM »
Quote from: Lazy8 on August 24, 2016, 04:40:22 PM
Just a fair warning: there is some mention of sexual harassment.

Anyway, here's a fun one I was subjected to. I was out having brunch with a male friend who's gay (this is relevant). We were talking about stuff to do in the city, and he mentioned visiting a part of town where I'd run into a creepy guy old enough to be my grandfather who'd started hitting on me and just would not take a hint. So I made mention of this, and said "So if at any point I grab onto your arm and introduce you as my boyfriend, please play along."

Him: "Okay, I'll try to play it straight."

Me: ... "You win. I don't know what, but you win."

Speaking of relationships, did you hear about the geologist who fell in love with a diamond?
He's into carbon dating.

Did you hear about the Welsh carrot who drank bleach?
He's a moron.

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urbicande

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #217 on: August 25, 2016, 12:40:46 PM »
What's big, red, and eats rocks?

A big red rock eater
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OwlsG0

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #218 on: August 25, 2016, 04:21:13 PM »
Quote from: urbicande on August 25, 2016, 12:40:46 PM
What's big, red, and eats rocks?

A big red rock eater

What's red and white and black all over?

Sun-burnt penguin.
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Double H

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #219 on: August 25, 2016, 08:15:56 PM »
My parents shoe store burned down the other day. So many lost soles.
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Oscar Leigh

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #220 on: August 26, 2016, 06:30:42 AM »
What do you call marine biologists who evade taxes for personal gain?
Very shellfish.
« Last Edit: September 10, 2016, 05:20:17 AM by Oscar Leigh »
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Anna

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #221 on: August 26, 2016, 01:39:34 PM »
I recently got a job crushing beverage cans.
It's soda pressing.
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Iceea

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #222 on: August 26, 2016, 01:59:38 PM »
Quote from: Anna on August 26, 2016, 01:39:34 PM
I recently got a job crushing beverage cans.
It's soda pressing.

super groan! definitely a 3 pointer ;)
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Anna

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #223 on: August 30, 2016, 07:23:31 PM »
I did a theatrical performance about puns.
It was a play on words.
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Jethan

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #224 on: August 30, 2016, 07:49:37 PM »
Quote from: Anna on August 30, 2016, 07:23:31 PM
I did a theatrical performance about puns.
It was a play on words.

So terrible it's good...
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