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Author Topic: Bad jokes thread  (Read 139866 times)

Róisín

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #600 on: April 23, 2020, 10:46:30 AM »
Falling about at these. Will pass them on to Star and Dusty.
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The Narcissistic mage

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #601 on: April 23, 2020, 04:50:13 PM »
What do you call two crows on a branch?

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Attempted murder!
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Grade E cat

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #602 on: April 24, 2020, 03:53:18 AM »
What does Soylent Green taste like?

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The answer varies from person to person.
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yeethaw_gang

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #603 on: April 24, 2020, 08:31:24 AM »
How to found a religion:

Step 1. Receive word of God
Step 2. Spread word of God
Step 3. ???
Step 4. Prophet
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Jitter

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #604 on: April 24, 2020, 09:49:46 AM »
Yeethaw 😬

(Does it show? It’s the grimacing face) in reality I lolled
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Yastreb

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #605 on: April 24, 2020, 11:27:59 PM »
And now, for your perusal, a selection of some of my favourite weird headlines - in this case, the ones that left me either laughing at the weird and wacky images they put in my head, or baffled at what they meant. In the latter case, I was able to work out the truth about those horse-whipping mushrooms, but the grapefruit...?

British Left Waffles On Falkland Islands
CND Ducks Call for Hard Line on Russia
Drive to Ban Horse Whipping Mushrooms
Enraged Cow Injures Farmer With Axe
German is Held Over Call Girls
Grapefruit Late Telling Police of Injured Man
Hospitals Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Police Disbelieve a Naval Stoker Who Says He is Not Dead
Police Found Drunk in Shop Window
Police Found Safe Under Blanket
Police Shoot Man With Knife
Sheep Attacks Rocket
Stolen Painting Found by Tree
You Can Skate More Than a Mile On a Slice Of Bread
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Róisín

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #606 on: April 24, 2020, 11:39:45 PM »
Newspaper headlines are weird. I could do with a bit of humour at present. You might get a smile out of the song Vulpes has put up on the Covid19 How we survived the Rash thread. Humour on the subject of getting through quarantine with a bored family, running out of bread and not being able to get one’s hair cut.
« Last Edit: April 24, 2020, 11:42:24 PM by Róisín »
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Yastreb

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #607 on: April 24, 2020, 11:50:49 PM »
I count myself lucky that I had my hair cut only a couple of weeks before the Lockdown began. Now to hope that the barber is still around when it's over!
There'll be some more headlines to follow, I promise.
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Lenny

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #608 on: April 26, 2020, 05:05:48 AM »
Those are great and got me laughing. The only thing I can think of for the grapefruit is that it was a mix-up on the author's part and it was meant to be grapevine? Puzzling.
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Yastreb

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #609 on: April 26, 2020, 05:47:02 AM »
AND THE BEST CRIME HEADLINES ARE…

$74M Hashish Haul After Joint Probe
Antique Dealer Thought Girl was Older
Arson Suspect Held in Massachusetts Fire
Bodies in Garden are a Plant, Says Wife
Burglar Cracks Victim’s Skull – Finds Nothing
Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years
Lucky Victim was Stabbed Three Times
Man Here To See Wife Robbed And Beaten
Magistrates Act to Keep Theatres Open
Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge
Parisian Beheaded for Killing Wife Before Mistress
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Victims of Violence in Ulster May Get More
Violence - Judge Hits Out
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wavewright62

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #610 on: April 27, 2020, 03:35:42 AM »
I'm having a grand time with this series.
I surmise the grapefruit one was about a man who normally brings out/serves grapefruit getting injured, and his absence was a tip-off that something had happened to him, possibly establishing a time point needing an alibi from someone?
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Yastreb

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #611 on: April 27, 2020, 05:16:18 AM »
AND THE BEST DISASTER HEADLINES ARE…

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
Crash Courses for Private Pilots
Deer Kill 17,000
Man Found Dead In Graveyard
No Water – So Firemen Improvised
Passengers Hit by Cancelled Trains
Plane Too Close To Ground, Crash Probe Told
Slippery Fish Make Jam On A2
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
Traffic Will Hit Homes If Motorway Scrapped
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery – Hundreds Dead
War Dims Hopes for Peace
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"Life is all we are. Life is what defines us. In the end, Life is the answer."

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Róisín

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #612 on: April 27, 2020, 07:37:56 AM »
Oh, very dear! Those are truly awful!
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Jitter

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #613 on: April 27, 2020, 09:12:30 AM »
That deer must be a Beast, and even then a very busy one!
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thegreyarea

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #614 on: April 27, 2020, 12:16:28 PM »
Yastreb, you're killing me with those!  :'D  :'D  :'D
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