Bad jokes thread

[Purple Wyrm]

How was the Miss America camping contest?

Spoiler: show

Pretty intense

[IKEA]

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Amnesia.
Amnesia who?

Spoiler: show

Knock knock

[wolfie]

This is a primary school favorite joke ensemble. Hope you all like it.

How do you put an giraffe in a fridge?

Spoiler: show

Open fridge, put in giraffe, close fridge.

How do you put an elephant in a fridge?

Spoiler: show

Open fridge, put in elephant, close fridge, no? WRONG.
[spoiler]
Open fridge, take out giraffe, put in elephant, close fridge.

[/spoiler]

King Lion gives a party, but certain animals are not there. Why and who isn't at the party?

Spoiler: show

The elephant isn't there because he is still in the fridge until you take him out, you monster.
The giraffe isn't there because he caught a cold while being in the fridge, you horrible human being.

Eheheh. Even though this is the bad jokes thread I still feel bad for posting this horrible joke. *giggles a little bit about own joke*

edit: Have a horrible pun as well:
It's green and its sliding of a mountain.

Spoiler: show

A skiwi

Eheheheheh.

[Eriaror]

This is a primary school favorite joke ensemble. Hope you all like it.

How do you put an giraffe in a fridge?

Spoiler: show

Open fridge, put in giraffe, close fridge.

How do you put an elephant in a fridge?

Spoiler: show

Open fridge, put in elephant, close fridge, no? WRONG.[spoiler]
Open fridge, take out giraffe, put in elephant, close fridge.

[/spoiler]
King Lion gives a party, but certain animals are not there. Why and who isn't at the party?

Spoiler: show

The elephant isn't there because he is still in the fridge until you take him out, you monster.
The giraffe isn't there because he caught a cold while being in the fridge, you horrible human being.

[...]

This one has a final part though:

You have to cross a river infested with alligators. What do you do?

Spoiler: show

Simply cross the river. All the alligators are at the party.

Also: How do you hunt big blue elephants?

Spoiler: show

With a big-blue-elephant-killer gun

How do you hunt big green elephants?

Spoiler: show

With a big-green-elephant-killer gun? WRONG! You paint them blue, then use your big-blue-elephant-killer gun.

And how do you hunt small yellow elephants?

Spoiler: show

You don't, those are protected!

[Laufey]

Where can you find a legless tortoise?

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Wherever you left him.

[Purple Wyrm]

Where can you find a legless tortoise?

Spoiler: show

Wherever you left him.

So mean! 

[meshebe]

Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Spoiler: show

Because he wasn't peeling well!!!!!

[IKEA]

What's a hamburger's favorite holiday?

Spoiler: show

St. Patty's Day

[Purple Wyrm]

Where do you go to weigh a whale?

Spoiler: show

To a whale-weigh station! 

And for those who think they can withstand its horrors, here's the exterminatus of bad jokes - The Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike

Spoiler: show

There once was this Black and White Space Marine on a Black and White Bike, and being the hero-type person that he was, he wanted to marry the commander's daughter. So he went up to the palace, and the guard naturally inquired "Who goes there?"

To which the Black and White Space Marine replied: "I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter."

"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"

"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."

"OK, pass."

So the Black and White Space Marine proceeded up to the commander's chamber.

"Who goes there?" asked the commander.

"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry your daughter" replied the Black and White Space Marine.

"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"

"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."

"OK, if you complete three tasks, you may take my daughter's hand in marriage" the commander told the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike. "Your first task is to slay the dragon on Xylon III".

On the Black and White Space Marine's way out, the guard once again asked, "Who goes there"?"

To which the Black and White Space Marine replied "I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter."

"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"

"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."

"OK, pass."

The Black and White Space Marine then proceeded with ease to kill the dragon and six months later returned with the head of the foul beast. On his way into the palace the guard inquired "Who goes there?"

To which the Black and White Space Marine replied "I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter".

"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"

"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."

"OK, pass."

So the Black and White Space Marine proceeded up to the commander's chamber.

"Who goes there?" asked the commander.

"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry your daughter" replied the Black and White Space Marine.

"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"

"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."

"OK, if you complete three tasks, you may take my daughter's hand in marriage" the commander told the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike. "Your second task is to climb the highest peak on Desgrus Beta".

On his way out the guard once again asked, "Who goes there?"

To which the Black and White Space Marine replied "I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter".

"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"

"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."

"OK, pass."

The Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike easily climbed the mountain and returned 4 years later. On his way into the palace the guard inquired "Who goes there?"

To which the Black and White Space Marine replied "I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter."

"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"

"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."

"OK, pass."

So the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike proceeded up to the commander's chamber.

"Who goes there?" asked the commander.

"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry your daughter" replied the Black and White Space Marine.

"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"

"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."

"OK, if you complete three tasks you may take my daughter's hand in marriage" the commander told the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike. "Your third and final task is to swim across the acid lake outside the palace."

On the Black and White Space Marine's way out the guard once again asked, "Who goes there?"

To which the Black and White Space Marine replied "I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter."

"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"

"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."

"OK, pass."

Once again the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike easily completed his task and returned to the palace for the final time.

On his way into the palace the guard inquired "Who goes there?"

To which the Black and White Space Marine replied "I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter".

"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"

"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."

"OK, pass."

So the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike proceeded up to the commander's chamber.

"Who goes there?" asked the commander.

"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry your daughter" replied the Black and White Space Marine.

"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"

"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike. May I marry your daughter now?"

"OK."

[wolfie]

Where do you go to weigh a whale?

Spoiler: show

To a whale-weigh station! 

And for those who think they can withstand its horrors, here's the exterminatus of bad jokes - The Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike

Spoiler: show

There once was this Black and White Space Marine on a Black and White Bike, and being the hero-type person that he was, he wanted to marry the commander's daughter. So he went up to the palace, and the guard naturally inquired "Who goes there?"

To which the Black and White Space Marine replied: "I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter."

"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"

"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."

"OK, pass."

So the Black and White Space Marine proceeded up to the commander's chamber.

"Who goes there?" asked the commander.

"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry your daughter" replied the Black and White Space Marine.

"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"

"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."

"OK, if you complete three tasks, you may take my daughter's hand in marriage" the commander told the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike. "Your first task is to slay the dragon on Xylon III".

On the Black and White Space Marine's way out, the guard once again asked, "Who goes there"?"

To which the Black and White Space Marine replied "I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter."

"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"

"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."

"OK, pass."

The Black and White Space Marine then proceeded with ease to kill the dragon and six months later returned with the head of the foul beast. On his way into the palace the guard inquired "Who goes there?"

To which the Black and White Space Marine replied "I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter".

"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"

"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."

"OK, pass."

So the Black and White Space Marine proceeded up to the commander's chamber.

"Who goes there?" asked the commander.

"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry your daughter" replied the Black and White Space Marine.

"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"

"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."

"OK, if you complete three tasks, you may take my daughter's hand in marriage" the commander told the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike. "Your second task is to climb the highest peak on Desgrus Beta".

On his way out the guard once again asked, "Who goes there?"

To which the Black and White Space Marine replied "I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter".

"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"

"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."

"OK, pass."

The Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike easily climbed the mountain and returned 4 years later. On his way into the palace the guard inquired "Who goes there?"

To which the Black and White Space Marine replied "I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter."

"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"

"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."

"OK, pass."

So the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike proceeded up to the commander's chamber.

"Who goes there?" asked the commander.

"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry your daughter" replied the Black and White Space Marine.

"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"

"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."

"OK, if you complete three tasks you may take my daughter's hand in marriage" the commander told the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike. "Your third and final task is to swim across the acid lake outside the palace."

On the Black and White Space Marine's way out the guard once again asked, "Who goes there?"

To which the Black and White Space Marine replied "I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter."

"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"

"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."

"OK, pass."

Once again the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike easily completed his task and returned to the palace for the final time.

On his way into the palace the guard inquired "Who goes there?"

To which the Black and White Space Marine replied "I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter".

"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"

"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."

"OK, pass."

So the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike proceeded up to the commander's chamber.

"Who goes there?" asked the commander.

"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry your daughter" replied the Black and White Space Marine.

"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"

"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike. May I marry your daughter now?"

"OK."

Spoiler: show

[urbicande]

I always try to locally source isatis tinctoria whenever possible.  I prefer the woad less traveled.

[Róisín]

Woad less travelled.... Ahahahahahaha! *Cheers you with a rousing chorus of 'What's the use of wearing braces'*

[meshebe]

What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants?

Spoiler: show

One's a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean...

[Kiraly]

I found this yesterday, and even though I doubt the truth of the initial statement, it's funny anyway:

Did you know? The only real difference between crows and ravens is that crows have five pinion feathers, and ravens only have four.

So the difference between a crow and a raven? Well, that’s a matter of…

Spoiler: show

A pinion.

[urbicande]

A sandwich walks into a bar and tries to order a drink.  The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food here."