In the darkest reaches of the Outer Rim, a new threat has arisen. The sinister First Order plots to bring the entire galaxy to heel, if it can just get its act together for five minutes.
The mysterious leader of the First Order is Supreme Leader BB-8, an astromech droid who rose to power following Palpatine’s death through a series of schemes far too complex for organic minds to comprehend. Any who suggest that the Supreme Leader achieved power by acting cute and adorable will be put to death.
BB-8 rules the Order with an iron fist – or at least, we think he does, as no-one can actually understand what he’s saying. Rumours abound that he is a powerful force-user, possibly because he routinely electrocutes people who displease him with his built-in taser. The Supreme Leader would wear a menacing hooded cloak, as befits his station, but unfortunately he is too small for a cloak and has to make do with a napkin draped over his head.
Commanding the First Order’s ground forces is General Finn, who is not good at his job. An order from the Supreme Leader to slaughter the defenceless inhabitants of an innocent farming village should be a simple one to carry out but Finn can be counted on to mangle it, usually along these lines: "But... should we kill everyone? Maybe half will do? Or how about we just menace them a bunch? Yeah… yeah, that'll teach 'em!"
His soldiers’ devious tactics include offering people food and then eating it themselves (no small feat when wearing a Stormtrooper helmet), and pushing people over, giving them a hand getting up, and then pushing them over again. No resistance base goes un-menaced when General Finn’s on the clock!
The general’s opposite number within the First Order’s forces is Admiral Poe Dameron, and he’s really bummed that they won’t let him fly TIE fighters anymore. Consequently he insists on piloting his Star Destroyer himself despite the fact it can't pull any of the stunts he thinks it can. Visitors to the bridge are often treated to the sight of the admiral at the massive control banks, running back and forth between them shouting things like "watch this sick barrel roll!" and "evasive manoeuvres!" (the latter whether or not there are any enemy vessels nearby).
Completing the trio of the Supreme Leader’s underlings is Kylo Rey, a woman who still can’t get over how cool being force-sensitive is. BB-8 trained her to be a powerful Jedi-killer, but Rey prefers goofing off to plotting the fall of the Jedi and the New Republic. Given a cool mask and an even cooler lightsaber, she’d rather make toast using her lightsaber than ruling the galaxy with an iron fist. For Rey every day’s a new day to discover what the force can do – examples include:
"Look! I can pull that drinks can over here from across the room!"
"Wanna see me make a stormtrooper do the funky chicken dance?"
"20 credits says I can jump start a car with force lightning!"
"50 credits says I can fire a photon torpedo into an exhaust port while piloting a captured X-wing!"
And that’s how Starkiller Base got destroyed.
Meanwhile, a young scavenger called Ben Solo is stuck on the desert planet Jakku and blaming his parents for absolutely everything that goes wrong in his life. And one day – as stormtroopers steal his lunch money while a woman in a mask throws toast at his head with the force and a Star Destroyer does barrel rolls in the sky above – he decides enough is enough: he’s joining the resistance. Just as soon as his mum’s packed him a lunch.
