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Author Topic: Things Mikkel Madsen is Not Allowed to Do:  (Read 90768 times)

Baku

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Re: Things Mikkel Madsen is Not Allowed to Do:
« Reply #15 on: May 25, 2015, 12:34:30 AM »
I read through the whole thing, and I gotta say that I haven't laughed this hard in a few weeks! I'll have to contribute when my mind isn't completely blank.
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RandomTexanReader

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Re: Things Mikkel Madsen is Not Allowed to Do:
« Reply #16 on: May 25, 2015, 12:44:58 AM »
Quote from: Blackjazz on May 25, 2015, 12:31:56 AM
A-HAHAHA! This is just fantastic! I love it!

Heh. I read "There is no “Anti-Mime” campaign in Sweden" and it suddenly occurred to me...
Mikkel's the reason Tuuri thinks Swedes only have four toes on each foot, isn't he?
YES. *adds to list*
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... Texas ... is a mystique closely approximating a religion. And this is true to the extent that people either passionately love Texas or passionately hate it....
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Divra

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Re: Things Mikkel Madsen is Not Allowed to Do:
« Reply #17 on: May 25, 2015, 06:29:08 AM »
Applying tiger balm to the insides of protective gear is not funny.
Not allowed to use the phrase "Dare you" around Norwegians. They will always do it.
Not allowed to prescribe anyone medicinal alcohol for internal use.
"Could do with a stiff drink" is not a medical diagnosis.
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RandomTexanReader

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Re: Things Mikkel Madsen is Not Allowed to Do:
« Reply #18 on: May 25, 2015, 10:52:04 AM »
Quote from: Divra on May 25, 2015, 06:29:08 AM
Applying tiger balm to the insides of protective gear is not funny.
Not allowed to use the phrase "Dare you" around Norwegians. They will always do it.
Not allowed to prescribe anyone medicinal alcohol for internal use.
"Could do with a stiff drink" is not a medical diagnosis.
I actually had to look up tiger balm and MIKKEL NO.
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... Texas ... is a mystique closely approximating a religion. And this is true to the extent that people either passionately love Texas or passionately hate it....
John Steinbeck
:usa:
:vaticancity: Domine, non sum dignus....
:mexico: No habla Espanol
:croatia: Hvala za nishto, dobro za nishto, mali vrag.

SugaAndSpice

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Re: Things Mikkel Madsen is Not Allowed to Do:
« Reply #19 on: May 25, 2015, 10:56:56 AM »
Quote from: RandomTexanReader on May 23, 2015, 06:23:54 PM

And then Tuuri finds, on the very last page, written in the same handwriting as the rest of the notebook: "New job. All of these no longer apply."



WHAT.
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Haiz

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Re: Things Mikkel Madsen is Not Allowed to Do:
« Reply #20 on: May 25, 2015, 11:09:54 AM »
this whole thread is amazing and is hereby declared my number one cheerup thread.

Quote from: RandomTexanReader on May 23, 2015, 06:23:54 PM
UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES WHATSOEVER is it permissible to put on a fish tail and flop around the deck screaming, "I'M A $@#&ING MERMAID!"
I've been giggling throughout the whole thing but this one made me laugh. for obvious reasons
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Divra

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Re: Things Mikkel Madsen is Not Allowed to Do:
« Reply #21 on: May 25, 2015, 11:14:03 AM »
Quote from: RandomTexanReader on May 25, 2015, 10:52:04 AM
I actually had to look up tiger balm and MIKKEL NO.

He'd do it. It's a classic.
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Cat Is in the Moon

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Re: Things Mikkel Madsen is Not Allowed to Do:
« Reply #22 on: May 30, 2015, 12:01:19 PM »
I just can't get over this. XD They're all great.
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Oh Deer

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Re: Things Mikkel Madsen is Not Allowed to Do:
« Reply #23 on: May 30, 2015, 02:06:28 PM »
Do not attempt to shave with fire.
Do not leave cat food under CO’s hammock
I am not allowed to ask "Is this stuff flammable?" while setting it on fire.
Gonasyphaherpaloids is not a real disease.
Voices in your head do not constitute lawful orders
Danish soldiers do not “consume the flesh of their fallen enemies to gain their strength.”
Do not mix fake fangs and dress inspections
I’m not a ninja, and they CAN see me
Your cat does not count as immediate family, therefore you cannot use that as a reason to go home on emergency leave.
I am not allowed to force any other person into a straight jacket
Not permitted to release cats into the barracks.
Not allowed to order chloroform
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Antillanka

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Re: Things Mikkel Madsen is Not Allowed to Do:
« Reply #24 on: May 30, 2015, 08:22:39 PM »
Great, now I want to go to Denmark and find some Mikkel of my own and marry him if I want to die in peace!

May I suggest?

I'm not allowed to diagnose people with EUS (Extreme Ugliness Syndrome), especially the female recruits.
I'm not allowed to perform esthetic facial surgery.
I'm not allowed to ask any mage to do it for me.
I'm not allowed to scream "Darn! Foiled again!". Ever.
I'm not allowed to put whoopie-cushions in the seats if my superiors.
I'm not allowed to be in the proximity of my superiors or their belongings ever again.
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RandomTexanReader

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Re: Things Mikkel Madsen is Not Allowed to Do:
« Reply #25 on: May 30, 2015, 11:44:35 PM »
Quote from: Antillanka on May 30, 2015, 08:22:39 PM
Great, now I want to go to Denmark and find some Mikkel of my own and marry him if I want to die in peace!

May I suggest?

I'm not allowed to diagnose people with EUS (Extreme Ugliness Syndrome), especially the female recruits.
I'm not allowed to perform esthetic facial surgery.
I'm not allowed to ask any mage to do it for me.
I'm not allowed to scream "Darn! Foiled again!". Ever.
I'm not allowed to put whoopie-cushions in the seats if my superiors.
I'm not allowed to be in the proximity of my superiors or their belongings ever again.
I have to say my favorite here is the final ban on proximity to superiors' belongings. I wonder what else he did to their things?.....
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... Texas ... is a mystique closely approximating a religion. And this is true to the extent that people either passionately love Texas or passionately hate it....
John Steinbeck
:usa:
:vaticancity: Domine, non sum dignus....
:mexico: No habla Espanol
:croatia: Hvala za nishto, dobro za nishto, mali vrag.

Antillanka

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Re: Things Mikkel Madsen is Not Allowed to Do:
« Reply #26 on: May 31, 2015, 06:20:54 PM »
Quote from: RandomTexanReader on May 30, 2015, 11:44:35 PM
I have to say my favorite here is the final ban on proximity to superiors' belongings. I wonder what else he did to their things?.....

I would bet on some event involving undergarments and a flagpole, or personal diaries and speakers, but who knows?  ::)

I think we've focused in the military part of his curriculum too much... I would love to know what "I'm not allowed"s he compiled during his time as a cook hehe

Any thoughts about that, my darlings?
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Keeper

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Re: Things Mikkel Madsen is Not Allowed to Do:
« Reply #27 on: May 31, 2015, 09:49:50 PM »
The only one i can think of at the moment:
I am not allowed to challenge anyone to an "olden days" style duel, especially as a method of questioning my superiors proving a point.
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Aierdome

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Re: Things Mikkel Madsen is Not Allowed to Do:
« Reply #28 on: June 01, 2015, 09:45:42 AM »
Quote from: Antillanka on May 31, 2015, 06:20:54 PM
I think we've focused in the military part of his curriculum too much... I would love to know what "I'm not allowed"s he compiled during his time as a cook hehe

Any thoughts about that, my darlings?

In contrast to what I may think, "the fish is rotten" does not mean "only my boss may eat it".
The sheep is served best without wool.
Not allowed to hide wool in sheep meet.
Not allowed to give my acorns-allergic co-worker acorns just to see what would happen.
I shall never, ever, withhold my cookies from anyone.
I shall not demand anything even slightly illegal at the price of my cookies.
What is legal and what is illegal is decided by local law, not anything or anyone else.
Five course meal is not what my superior means when he says "snack". The opposite is also true.
Serving dishes with alcohol to sailors on duty is a terribad idea, regardless of the amusement it brings me and my colleagues.
Not allowed to tell visiting VIP that the dish is made of troll. Especially if the dish is made from troll.
Troll is not viable food.
Calling troll by any other name does not make it viable food.
Not allowed to cast exorcisms on troll to use it for cooking.
If my dish is moving on its own accord, I can safely assume that it's inedible.
Throwing food away is not wasting it if it tries to crawl out of the pot anyway.
Not allowed to throw the food away in my boss' bed, even if it looks just like him.
The dish I'm serving is not made from my co-workers.
Not allowed to call any dish "Soylent Green".

I hoped at least some of those are worthwhile.
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SectoBoss

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Re: Things Mikkel Madsen is Not Allowed to Do:
« Reply #29 on: June 01, 2015, 10:19:38 AM »
A chef's hat is not part of military uniform, especially if it is over one metre tall.
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