Things Mikkel Madsen is Not Allowed to Do:

[OwlsG0]

Not to mention a bajillion other gimmicks of Öresundbro base, from dozens of radios to elevators to everything making up the Dalahästen terminal ...

Radio Geezer: "Are those trolls talking to us in Finnish now!?"

Radio Geezer: Where's that scout? The one that speaks Finnish. Somebody fetch him!
Lalli: Yes sir?
Radio Geezer: see if you can decipher this
Radio Ghost Tuuri: ...did the watermelon say to the pomengranate that sneaked up on it? "I didn't seed you there!"
Lalli: Nothing to worry about, except that I'm on my way to murder Officer Madsen. I'll need that wrench.

[wavewright62]

Radio Geezer: Where's that scout? The one that speaks Finnish. Somebody fetch him!
Lalli: Yes sir?
Radio Geezer: see if you can decipher this
Radio Ghost Tuuri: ...did the watermelon say to the pomengranate that sneaked up on it? "I didn't seed you there!"
Lalli: Nothing to worry about, except that I'm on my way to murder Officer Madsen. I'll need that wrench.

Most best crossover from the Bad Jokes thread!! 

[Grade E cat]

While my efforts to bring "I'm with stupid" T-shirts back are greatly appreciated, I am no longer allowed to market them as engagement party and wedding gifts.

[Sunflower]

I just want to say that I've been catching up with about a year's worth of this thread and it is making me giggle as dizzily as someone coming out of heavy anesthesia.  This is professional-grade deadpan humor. 

I wish someone would illustrate some of these. 

[Windfighter]

Have a couple of pictures I started about a year ago then never managed to finish:



It's inspired by a certain song and I was planning to make a vid with it as well but... it'll never happen. So have only the part of the pictures I managed to finish!

[LooNEY_DAC]

I wish someone would illustrate some of these.

I am not allowed to illustrate the things I am not allowed to do...
...or demonstrate.

(Windy is encouraged to illustrate them, however.)

[Windfighter]

I am not allowed to illustrate the things I am not allowed to do...
...or demonstrate.

(Windy is encouraged to illustrate them, however.)

Windy thanks you for your encouragement, but must back down from the obligation as she has neither skill nor time to do it.
She is, however, willing to reconsider the proposal if she is still alive next week.

[LooNEY_DAC]

Cute as she may be, a pre-Rash plushie made from two socks is not a "world traveler in need of our aid".
...Nor is she a "member of the Danish Army callously abandoned at Kastrup".
...Nor a "transformed Finnish mage".
...Nor a "transformed Icelandic mage".
My superiors do not have an "anti-bovine bias" for refusing to believe any of the above.

[Lazy8]

Windy thanks you for your encouragement, but must back down from the obligation as she has neither skill nor time to do it.
She is, however, willing to reconsider the proposal if she is still alive next week.

Noooooo Windy needs to stay alive because we need more Windy arts!

[Windfighter]

Noooooo Windy needs to stay alive because we need more Windy arts!

That is not a discussion for this thread though
Nor for the comfort corner...
Nor for the chat...
Nor any place except for with my therapist who... I didn't talk about it with. oops?

aaaaaah, don't mind me, I haven't slept tonight and I'm still procrastinating breakfast 9 hours after I started complaining that I was hungry so my brain isn't fully functional. Please resume the thread's regular scheduled activities

[Róisín]

Windy, go and have breakfast. Then maybe ring your therapist?

[JoB]

Noooooo Windy needs to stay alive because we need more Windy arts!

The Danish admirality would like to stress that this order neither comes from them, nor fits the thread's topic / addressee.

[Grade E cat]

When asked for rope by someone wearing many long braids, I will not give them only half of length they asked for and suggest they get the rest from a haircut.

[wavewright62]

(Thanks, Grade E Cat, for this one.)

I will not tell the mages that the food is magically tainted.
I will not pretend to magically taint the food in any way.
I will not insist that the only test to see if food is magically tainted is to have a mage eat it first.

[LooNEY_DAC]

(Thanks, Grade E Cat, for this one.)

I will not tell the mages that the food is magically tainted.
I will not pretend to magically taint the food in any way.
I will not insist that the only test to see if food is magically tainted is to have a mage eat it first.

Any magical tainting of my own food is my own fault for disobeying the above.