Things Mikkel Madsen is Not Allowed to Do:

[OwlsG0]

I am not allowed to appropriate the megaphone to announce 'ALL HAIL THE GLOW CLOUD.'
I am not allowed to appropriate Admiral Olsen for the same purpose.

I am not allowed to drop the corpses of fully grown lions on people who displease me
I will explain where and when I procured the aforementioned cadaver

[JoB]

I am not allowed to drop the corpses of fully grown lions on people who displease me
I will explain where and when I procured the aforementioned cadaver

I shall never again explain in great detail how to turn a maggot-infested animal corpse I found decomposing someplace into a somewhat safe gag prop to my superiors, even if they ask for it.
I am required to list all reasonable content warnings beforehand whenever my superiors order me to present information.
"Thus demonstrating my advanced intellect might make your head explode" is not reasonable.

[OwlsG0]

Flashcards are not an appropriate way to express my emotions

[Solokov]

Flashcards are not an appropriate way to express my emotions

Even if the cards are more accurate than my body language.

[OwlsG0]

Even if the cards are more accurate than my body language.

I am not allowed to communicate my emotions through interpretative dance

[Athena]

I am not allowed to communicate my emotions through interpretative dance

I am not, and never have been, in a tribe, and cannot wear my tribe's ceremonial garb during my interpretive dance. [Or any time at all]

[Tr]

I am not, and never have been, in a tribe, and cannot wear my tribe's ceremonial garb during my interpretive dance. [Or any time at all]

I may not start a new tribe for myself to be in.

I may not fill any of my superiors' offices with ping-pong balls.
I will explain, in detail, where exactly I got enough ping-pong balls to fill Admiral Olsen's office.
For gods' sake, I will pick up all those ping-pong balls before someone slips on one and breaks their neck.
I may not bribe or blackmail anyone into picking up the ping-pong balls for me.
Even if one of the mages could do it faster than I can.

[Purple Wyrm]

I do not have an "alignment".
I must obey all orders given to me even if they will "violate my alignment" and result in an "xp penalty".
Instructions given to me by my superiors are orders not "quests", and must be referred to as such.

[Athena]

I do not have an "alignment".
I must obey all orders given to me even if they will "violate my alignment" and result in an "xp penalty".
Instructions given to me by my superiors are orders not "quests", and must be referred to as such.

I cannot order scouts to "roll a perception check" when returning from their rounds.
I cannot refer to officers as "npcs".

[Solokov]

I may not start a new tribe for myself to be in.

I may not fill any of my superiors' offices with ping-pong balls.
I will explain, in detail, where exactly I got enough ping-pong balls to fill Admiral Olsen's office.
For gods' sake, I will pick up all those ping-pong balls before someone slips on one and breaks their neck.
I may not bribe or blackmail anyone into picking up the ping-pong balls for me.
Even if one of the mages could do it faster than I can.

Not allowed to code overtime  for time spent cleaning up ping pong ballsever.

[OwlsG0]

'Nap time' is not on the roster and I should stop claiming it is and drugging people who annoy me
I will explain where I obtained the sedatives
When called before my superiors, I will not end a discussion with a smoke bomb and a speedy abscond

[Tr]

'Nap time' is not on the roster and I should stop claiming it is and drugging people who annoy me
I will explain where I obtained the sedatives
When called before my superiors, I will not end a discussion with a smoke bomb and a speedy abscond

I will explain just how I managed to steal the smoke bomb from the Cleansers.
I will return my secret stash of smoke bombs immediately.

[Keeper]

I must allow a complete inventory to be taken of my possessions to ensure that I am not hiding secret stashes of items that I am not allowed to have.
I am not allowed to take and submit my own inventory as a substitute.
"But we've been through this already" is not an adequate reason to avoid routine tasks such as taking inventory.

[JoB]

"But we've been through this already" is not an adequate reason to avoid routine tasks such as taking inventory.

Nor is "thrice this night even".
I may not claim torture by sleep deprivation.
I shall provide my superiors with an accurate and complete translation of the book that was found in my possession, "damī no tame no ninja kyasshu".

[Solokov]

Not allowed to spread rumors among the naval recruits of a "kobeyashi-maru" test to become a captain.
The kobeyashi-maru did not go down with all hands to a triple attack of Leviathan type rash beasts, and I should stop saying it did.
I have been made fully aware that tje Danish navy has not christemd a ship under the name "kobeyashi-maru".
Neither has the Finns, or Icelandic guard has the rest of scandanavia.