So
Five days into NaNo (day 6 just started) and I am now stuck thinking about what a horrible author I am, that my words hurt people and I am seriously considering never writing again because that worked so well last time I decided that.
I just want to give up on NaNo.
I am trying to remind myself that I'm writing for
my sake and not someone else, but it is also in my interest to not hurt people. I know I could just write the stories and hide them in a drawer, but I am always so incredible
proud over having created stuff and want to show all my friends and hiding them away just further drills in the point that I shouldn't even be writing.
I'm not looking for someone to tell me I'm a good writer (because let's face it, I am
) or pat my shoulder or cheer me on, I just... need to mention this somewhere? I need to put it into words in an attempt to get it to stop infecting my brain.
I might just be out of whack because inktober stole so much of my creative juice, or because I have had an even harder time to sleep than usually, or because I'm so tired of being alone and helpless and stuck to the couch (I manage to care for the cats but everything takes all my energy because gosh blast it, crutches are hard), I don't know.
I just... maybe I should just give up, maybe I should stop writing. What good does it even do? What reason is there to continue when I have hurt people with it? Why do I continue dropping bombs over civilian quarters when they haven't done anything to deserve it? Just because I can't control my creative side? Hardly seems fair.