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Author Topic: Bad jokes thread  (Read 110750 times)

Anna

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #270 on: October 06, 2016, 05:06:31 PM »
Why did the dog go to the bank?
She needed to make a de-paws-it.
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Juniper

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #271 on: October 18, 2016, 11:53:38 PM »
How many tickles does it take to make the octopus laugh ? Ten tickles.
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Anna

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #272 on: October 19, 2016, 12:21:07 AM »
A duck walks into a bar and asks, "Got any grapes?"

The bartender, confused, tells the duck no. The duck thanks him and leaves.

The next day, the duck returns and asks, "Got any grapes?"

Again, the bartender tells him, "No -- the bar does not serve grapes, has never served grapes and, furthermore, will never serve grapes." The duck thanks him and leaves.

The next day, the duck returns, but before he can say anything, the bartender yells, "Listen, duck! This is a bar! We do not serve grapes! If you ask for grapes again, I will nail your stupid duck beak to the bar!"

The duck is silent for a moment, and then asks, "Got any nails?"

Confused, the bartender says no.

"Good!" says the duck. "Got any grapes?"
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JacobThomsen

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #273 on: October 19, 2016, 07:57:47 AM »
Quote from: Anna on October 19, 2016, 12:21:07 AM
A duck walks into a bar and asks, "Got any grapes?
This is weird but we had the exact same joke back when I was a member of the danish scouts, except we had a penguin instead of a duck and it asked for fish instead of grapes. And on every single trip there would be a play of it where one of the leaders would dress as a penguin, it was kind of the official scout play.
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urbicande

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #274 on: October 19, 2016, 10:28:42 AM »
Quote from: JacobThomsen on October 19, 2016, 07:57:47 AM
This is weird but we had the exact same joke back when I was a member of the danish scouts, except we had a penguin instead of a duck and it asked for fish instead of grapes. And on every single trip there would be a play of it where one of the leaders would dress as a penguin, it was kind of the official scout play.

They use a similar thing in Scouts here in the US, although the duck usually asks for "duck food" and it would be spread out among several other skits in the campfire!
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urbicande

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #275 on: October 19, 2016, 04:21:01 PM »
And one seen on Twitter:

RIP boiled water.

You will be mist.
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OwlsG0

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #276 on: October 20, 2016, 07:01:29 PM »
Quote from: urbicande on October 19, 2016, 04:21:01 PM
And one seen on Twitter:

RIP boiled water.

You will be mist.

As water, I am offended by this joke. It got me very steamed up.
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Anna

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #277 on: October 29, 2016, 12:44:20 PM »
Really dumb one I found on a cereal box:
What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
Spoiler: show
a carrot.
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Kelpie

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #278 on: November 04, 2016, 12:37:11 AM »
Two men walk into a bar. The first man says "I'd like some H2O". The second man says "I'd like some H2O, too".

The second man died.
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Solokov

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #279 on: November 04, 2016, 12:48:40 AM »
Did you hear about the guy who invented lifesavers? I hear he made a mint.
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Purple Wyrm

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #280 on: November 04, 2016, 03:02:45 AM »
What kind of bird is always out of breath?




A puffin!
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Gwenno

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #281 on: November 04, 2016, 08:16:59 AM »
Quote from: Jhev on November 04, 2016, 12:37:11 AM
Two men walk into a bar. The first man says "I'd like some H2O". The second man says "I'd like some H2O, too".

The second man died.

A variation I've come across a few times.

Two chemists walk into a bar. The first says "I'd like some H2O". The second chemist says "I'd also like some water"
The first chemist then mumbles to themselves, angry that their murderous plan had failed.
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urbicande

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #282 on: November 04, 2016, 12:32:19 PM »
I put my root beer into a square cup.  Now it's just beer.
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Iceea

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #283 on: November 04, 2016, 12:58:24 PM »
Quote from: urbicande on November 04, 2016, 12:32:19 PM
I put my root beer into a square cup.  Now it's just beer.

I had to think about that one for quite a bit. So badddddddddddd
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Solokov

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #284 on: November 04, 2016, 01:06:32 PM »
What's Forrest Gump's password?


1forrest1.
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