Meandering Line - Minna's new comic

[dreki]

Haven't seen anyone share this here and I saw it up today so, here-

https://www.hummingfluff.com/testimonycomic/

I stopped reading when she described the comics she'd been making as 'empty' entertainment. I know I'm not the only one who has felt profoundly impacted by her works and I hope one day she can see the value in them.

Anyways. It exists.

[tehta]

I read the whole thing when it came out. There was some discussion on the Discord, after.

One thing that struck me was that, in the first half, all her shifts in world-view and doubts were were clearly explained, and I could sympathize. But then her conversion just sort of happens, without any of the doubts resolved. Now, it would make sense if it happened because she decided to stop being intellectual about it and leap into faith, but she does mention that the sermons she heard made it all make sense, without explaining how. And I really wanted to know!

Anyway, like a lot of readers, I am happy for her to have found a community. Her church sounds like a supportive place, in spite of the whole 'all humans are corrupted, good deeds won't help' doctrine. I expect that must be really helpful for her anxiety. (I know it's weird to diagnose strangers over the internet, but she clearly has extreme anxiety, both of the social variety and in more general terms.)

So I think that was my feeling after reading it? That, on some level, finding a place for herself was more important than the doctrine?

[Jitter]

The previous discussion is here: https://ssssforum.com/index.php?topic=1283.0

Most of it is speculation / based on Lovely People, comments on the story itself start with tyfasi’s on page 6.

She also seems to be coming to terms with the empty entertainment work, currently the Hummingfluff Studio frontpage https://www.hummingfluff.com/ says

I can't whole-heartedly recommend the comics I finished during my pre-Christian era, since even though I tried to make them as "just entertainment" and for mass appeal, our worldviews always color our creations. But the comics exist, and read with that understanding they can be kinda decent. So if you do want to read them they are: 

Of course at the bottom, but “kinda decent” is a lot better than not mentioning they exist!

[latmer]

I've been following her work for a long time and now that I read this comic... it was really confusing. Especially the nihilistic part was really creepy. I'm an atheist and I don't need God to tell me what is morally right or wrong.

[dreki]

I've been following her work for a long time and now that I read this comic... it was really confusing. Especially the nihilistic part was really creepy. I'm an atheist and I don't need God to tell me what is morally right or wrong.

The comic comes off strongly as someone dealing with some form of mental illness/es.

The panic over the heat death of the universe could be anxiety or even a form of OCD.  I am not trying to diagnose her but I do feel confident saying she would benefit from a licensed mental health professional.

The "nihilist" stuff sounded a lot like intrusive thoughts. Intrusive thoughts are a part of many mental health issues and can be incredibly distressing. 

In an extreme example - there is a form of OCD that causes someone to be panicked that they may be a child molester. This person has never harmed a child, actively avoids children to avoid harming them, and is not likely to ever actually harm a child. (When it is this condition) But their intrusive thoughts are so strong the person is genuinely terrified that they will harm children.

So the "nihilism" that Minna describes sounds a lot like that.  It doesn't seem that she actually acted on it in a serious way. Yet she still saw herself as so "nihilistic" from these thoughts.

Getting schadenfreude from seeing other people suffer - it's documented, you can get a dopamine hit from seeing a bad thing happen to someone else.  When you're struggling with failing mental health, which can reduce joy from healthy areas, this dopamine hit can feel really good and then you seek it out.  It's not great - but just getting pleasure from seeing others' bad news doesn't innately do harm, but plays into the intrusive thoughts that she's a bad person.

So, in conclusion - while I cannot say exactly what was going on, what Minna expressed in the comic strongly matches a person going through a mental health crisis without proper treatment.

[dreki]

And yes I find the "without god how would you know right from wrong???" so creepy every time I come across it.

I do not need some magical sky being with a lightning bolt or whatever wagging his finger to avoid hurting people. It's called "not being a terrible human being".

[thorny]

I'm not a doctor, or any other sort of expert in the field. But that's what I was worrying about in the other thread referenced a few posts above; with an additional layer of concern added on to it -- it's spoilered in the other thread.

In any case, I think it may be really confusing at least in part because, I suspect, Minna is really confused.

[wavewright62]

I've been following her work for a long time and now that I read this comic... it was really confusing. Especially the nihilistic part was really creepy. I'm an atheist and I don't need God to tell me what is morally right or wrong.

Welcome!  This is a great and generally safe place to talk over your impressions (as well as immerse yourself in the depth of fanworks from the past and present).  Do pop into the Introductions thread when you get a moment. 

I admit that I have not read Minna's new comic.  I identify as agnostic, and accept that spirituality is powerful and empowering for others but not for me.  I would really rather skim past others' spiritual musings, no matter the stripe, although I admit I have more of a squick against any evangelical movements.  (A whole comic dedicated to it? No way.)  I also accept that actions and attitudes I find perfectly acceptable are offensive to others. 

I tend to view Minna's disavowal of her past as an expression of passion rather than religious fervor.  We have seen her focus on an idea for years, with a single-minded drive on that idea.   (I will refrain from armchair diagnosis on what might be behind that.)  The comic ran for 7+ years before she developed this newest passion, but was in development for some years before its debut.  I am so sad that she lost that passion but I understand. 

I just wish the new passion was less squicky and/or potentially harmful.

[dreki]

In any case, I think it may be really confusing at least in part because, I suspect, Minna is really confused.

This, fully agree.

I've seen some people be angry with her and I understand why, but I just feel sadness and hope she can get what she needs.

If that can come from religion, great. I'm not Christian but I've found comfort in some of its verses and it can be a helpful tool.  It can also be terrible.

I just..  personally,  to me ARTD and SSSS adv 1 feel really divinely inspired and I hope one day she can see it that way. 

[nox]

(Hello from a sometimes lurker, first time poster)

I checked in on Minna's sites today for the first time since SSSS concluded and was cautiously curious to read her personal testimony comic.

On a personal level it was an uncanny reading experience as Minna described a very similar journey to my own: an artist who was raised Christian, found atheism, and suffers from social anxiety as well as existential dread re: mortality, heat death of the universe, etc. I found it morbidly fascinating to read my own anxieties put into words, only for Minna's philosophical journey to take her to a very different destination than I arrived at. (I consider myself some flavor of atheist / humanist / optimistic nihilist.)

If nothing else I found Meandering Line helped me better understand Minna's mindset and where she was coming from when she created Lovely People. Like many others I was blindsided and hurt by that comic + its author's note at the time. While I still disagree with the worldview Minna is promoting, I find myself less hurt/angry and more just saddened at what drove Minna to her conversion.

While I don't want to project or armchair-diagnose, I agree with others that Minna seems to have been experiencing a significant amount of distress and potentially mental illness / crises. All I can say is I hope she is able to seek professional help re: her intrusive thoughts and self image, and I sincerely hope she finds peace, whether in her newfound religion or elsewhere.