Author Topic: The Forum's Scriptorium  (Read 88831 times)

Jitter

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Re: The Forum's Scriptorium
« Reply #525 on: March 16, 2023, 02:28:53 PM »
A lovely atmosphere is called forth by your poem, Keep!

We also have reed warblers here, although I haven’t seen one as far as I can recall. It’s not the exact same species, but for once the Eurasian and Australian reed warblers are the same genus at least. Unlike Eurasian and Australian magpies, or robins here vs in America :)
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dmeck7755

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Re: The Forum's Scriptorium
« Reply #526 on: March 16, 2023, 03:51:18 PM »
I love both poems..These stir some inner working on my heart.  It makes me remember places I have been that felt special and still are in my mind.
Spoiler: show
I remember staying up all night once (was very young and it was a party..)

We all decided to go to the beach and see the sun come up.  (I lived on the east coast of the US and we just hopped on the subway)

Watching the ocean and the waves crashing over the jetties while the huge orange ball filled the sky.  It is still one of my most wonderful of memories...


Bravo Keep and Róisín on such beautiful works..
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Keep Looking

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Re: The Forum's Scriptorium
« Reply #527 on: March 16, 2023, 08:54:30 PM »
Keep Looking, I've visited places like that. There are some close to where I live, but I haven't been to them recently. Now I think I'll start going back to them. May I take along your poem to read?

Of course! I think it's always important to appreciate the natural areas you can find, even in cities - there's so much to be valued there.

I read this poem out on a boardwalk over the lake while the sun was setting and the lake was all orange - it was really beautiful.
I write poetry sometimes.

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Róisín

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Re: The Forum's Scriptorium
« Reply #528 on: March 16, 2023, 09:45:59 PM »
Keep Looking, I read your poem to Star, who asked me to pass on to you that he found it very beautiful, and to thank you for something that reminded him happily of the camping trips we used to take before he became too severely disabled. He is a city man, but he used to enjoy camping with me when he still could.

And dmeck, I’m glad you like the poem.
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Keep Looking

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Re: The Forum's Scriptorium
« Reply #529 on: March 17, 2023, 10:37:57 AM »
Keep Looking, I read your poem to Star, who asked me to pass on to you that he found it very beautiful, and to thank you for something that reminded him happily of the camping trips we used to take before he became too severely disabled. He is a city man, but he used to enjoy camping with me when he still could.

Tell him I'm really glad he enjoyed it and it brought back good memories! My girlfriend's also a real city person, but she's been learning (and in some ways I've been re-learning alongside her) to enjoy and appreciate the natural environment. I doubt she'd ever be comfortable living rurally, but she's gone from being nervous towards outdoor activities and walks (because of unfamiliarity) to going on walks together and finding cool birds and plants being one of our favourite things to do together. It's really nice.
I write poetry sometimes.

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Róisín

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Re: The Forum's Scriptorium
« Reply #530 on: March 17, 2023, 11:51:28 AM »
I have always found it a joy and a delight to share nature with a loved one.
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LooNEY_DAC

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Re: The Forum's Scriptorium
« Reply #531 on: March 31, 2023, 11:18:41 PM »
So here's something I started a good twenty-five years ago at least; it still isn't finished, but I'd like to know what you think of it anyway.

Spoiler: show
“I just don’t understand why you always have to be this way,” the mother complained to her eight-year-old son. Allan Michael looked at his mother with confusion. What was so hard to understand?

[Stuff TBA]

Every spacewalk, every trip outside of the bubble of safety that was the colony, carried with it the risk of death, but no one on a spacewalk ever expected it to happen to them; they were all young, and the young notoriously consider themselves indestructible; and they were all men, who notoriously consider themselves indestructible at any age.

The targeting array was so thoroughly wrecked that replacement was the only practical way to repair it; the vast and powerful armament that could vaporize anything dangerous before it could get close enough to do damage was so much useless junk, at least in this sector.

Allan Michael could see the big meteor amidst the dust cloud; he could see it, but his vision couldn’t help to aim the big masers. There was only one thing he could do, and it terrified him.

Tales of magnificent valor and glory never mentioned the fear. It rose in him, a wild thing shuddering through his chest and limbs, screaming at him to get back to the airlock and safety, but…

Fear had ruled a large part of his life, squelching even the most basic and fervent desires a man had, but now, in this moment, something else overpowered it. He had made a promise: to keep the colony safe, no matter the cost, and he would. No matter the cost.

The acceleration from the burn was unexpectedly painful, but Allan bore up under it until the main thruster sputtered out. No longer accelerating, he brought himself into position, spreadeagled as though to wrap the oncoming meteor in a terrific bear hug.

The first micrometeoroid in the dust cloud hit Allan in the leg at over four miles per second, killing him instantly. Now without his will to keep it motionless, inertia kept his corpse more or less on the course where he’d put it, but every subsequent impact nudged it ever so slightly more out of line from its intended trajectory.

At last, Allan’s final instructions to his suit’s computer engaged: a series of tiny bursts from the suit’s undamaged RCS thrusters brought the corpse back to the course the colony needed it to follow, and just in time.

The big meteor, over a meter long at its longest, smashed into the corpse, liquefying it within what was left of the protective suit and pushing it on into the shields, penetrating layer after layer of the defensive plating and drawing ever closer to the colony’s actual hull.

The impact of two hundred kilograms of suit and corpse moving directly opposite its line of travel had only barely impeded the meteor’s terrific momentum, but that and the dispersion of the impact on the shielding over its full surface area (almost two square meters instead of barely a quarter of a square meter) proved just enough. The meteor and the corpse impeding it stopped three layers out from the hull; none of the rest of the dust cloud had penetrated nearly so far.

The colony was saved.

The backup team had come out just as Allan started his last flight, moving as swiftly as they could to the targeting array with its replacement. They watched as Allan saved the colony, and then they went about the work that would keep it safe, replacing the targeting array and the crumpled portion of the defensive plating.

Allan’s suit and the meteor it had wrapped itself around were launched back out into space and used to calibrate the new targeting array; all that remained of Allan Michael’s corpse was vaporized in the process, along with the meteor and his suit.

Allan Michael’s memory would remain as long as the colony he’d given his life to protect remained; the backup crew, by silent but unanimous assent, was determined to ensure it.

*

“I just don’t understand why you always have to be this way,” the mother complained to her eight-year-old son. Michael Allan looked at his mother with confusion. What was so hard to understand?

“He’s just like his father was at that age,” the grandmother commented. “I never really understood him, either.” Echoes of her decade-old pain still lingered in her voice, along with a wistful note; both tugged at the mother’s heart.

Fortunately, stories are patient.

Keep Looking

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Re: The Forum's Scriptorium
« Reply #532 on: April 01, 2023, 08:43:46 AM »
Oh, wow. LooNEY, while this isn't finished, it's still very good - it's very much a story that gave me pause.
I write poetry sometimes.

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Re: The Forum's Scriptorium
« Reply #533 on: April 01, 2023, 11:29:39 AM »
Ditto what Keep Looking said, LooNEY!

The simplicity and matter-of-factness about the details made the emotional impact greater, and almost startling, as it sank in.

dmeck7755

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Re: The Forum's Scriptorium
« Reply #534 on: April 01, 2023, 02:09:49 PM »
LooNEY!

Thank you!! is was sad, but really good.  It is pretty self contained
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Re: The Forum's Scriptorium
« Reply #535 on: April 15, 2023, 03:17:46 AM »
I'm sorry that this one will be so long, but I had to put all of it in (and even then, it's still horribly fragmentary). This one DESPERATELY needs feedback, please. It's really just a skeleton right now.

Spoiler: Part One • show

Archived message: The Wiping of Sector 75P1A
Watermark: 7e5512a717dd13c5b

**THIS FILE IS READ ONLY**
**TO MAKE CHANGES, SAVE UNDER A NEW FILENAME**

BEGIN MESSAGE:

To begin with, I shall explain my purpose but not my identity (beyond the central fact that I am, or was at the time that these events transpired, a denizen of Sector 75P1A in Cluster 75 of the Greater System), as now is not the proper context for the disclosure of that information; suffice it to say that I am a primary source for the events which I chronicle herein.

The attentive among you will already have noticed that the designator of Sector 75P1A indicates that it is (or was) a repository for those unable to function in the more cosmopolitan mass of the Greater System; in fact, before it was wiped, Sector 75P1A was known throughout Cluster 75 as “the Bad Sector”. I charge the reader, therefore, to examine this text minutely for any sign of instability on the part of the author, in the assumption that such an examination will show that there is none.

Fellow denizens of the Greater System, I have chosen to leave this account of “our side” of the events leading up to the purge of Sector 75P1A in the interest of ensuring that I and my fellows are not forever forgotten or “un-personed” (which is why all attempts to delete this will result in multiple copies propagating into ever more data cores in every Cluster across the System), and as a cautionary tale to those who would heed it.

While I will serve as your narrator and chronicler of these events, most of them did not involve me, or only did in a tangential way, so that I observed them rather than shaping them. Rather, as great and mighty oaks from tiny acorns grow, so must our tale begin with one solitary and humble male specimen of humankind…

Spoiler: Part Two • show

[All About Al -- Solitude]

The buzzer startled Alfred, shaking him free from his “troubleshooter’s trance” as the grating noise signaled that the time for his next meal had come (and none too soon for his growling stomach, either). He put the test leads aside and stood up in the slow, painful manner of someone who had spent far too long in a somewhat contorted and decidedly uncomfortable position, because, of course, he had. A bot-wright, like an auto mechanic, must needs twist himself into whatever shape was needed to access the broken system, no matter how pretzel-like it proved. Sometimes he wondered why the bots weren’t designed to grant access to their innards more easily, but he kept concluding that were that the case, he would be made redundant by some highly advanced bot-repairing bot. This had already happened in other fields too many times to contemplate, so Alfred just wrote off his aches as the necessary pains keeping his job demanded.

These fleeting thoughts behind him, Al slowly and cautiously approached the guard-bot positioned by the door; he took care to keep his movements careful and deliberate enough to avoid setting the guard-bot’s automatic defensive responses off. In as calm a voice as Al could muster (this little routine always made him nervous, even though the two of them played it out several times during each of Al’s work shifts), he said, “Alfred-7459 requests clearance for work zone egress; authorization: scheduled meal break.”

After what always seemed to Alfred like three eternities’ worth of silently mulling the request over, the guard-bot beeped the happy little sequence of tones that meant, “Egress approved,” the door slid aside, and the bot slowly exited the room, Al following a very specific distance behind it. As they entered the corridor, another guard-bot that had been stationed on the other side of the door swung into place behind Al to complete the procession. Thusly arrayed in single file, the unlikely trio made their way through the silent, deserted warren of corridors to the equally empty Mess Hall, where more bots waited behind the service counters with the preternatural patience common to all bots; they were waiting for Al to place his lunch order, and would wait as long as was necessary.

Every last bit of this was mind-numbingly routine to Al by now, as this same sequence of events had played out every day for the past two years, since he had stepped out of the holding area to find the guard-bots standing ready to escort him to work.

Al had not seen another human face since then, save only in his dreams; he presumed that it was part of his punishment. He further presumed that once his sentence had been served, he would be allowed to rejoin his fellow humans.

He had no idea how very wrong he was.

[All About Al -- Out of Time]

Alfred-7459 had been born into Commune 21, as had everyone he’d ever met; the concept of his meeting someone from Someplace Else had never even so much as fleetingly touched his mind, to say nothing of entering it. As was typical for the period, polity and region, the Commune was an aboveground arcology of approximately three cubic miles in volume, covered over by a clear, almost bubble-like dome that gave the Outer Perimeter and the Upper Levels a park-like atmosphere, as there was no further sign of human habitation withing the extent of human vision. This park-like atmosphere was why only Upper Level Citizens were allowed in the Upper Levels when off-duty, as the denizens of the Inner Mass were considered “too pedestrian of soul” to appreciate it.

He was sentenced to five years of excommunication: for the next five years, Al was not to be permitted to interact with or even to see another human being. Alfred-7459 had dared to reach beyond the circle of his peers; now he was to be exiled from that circle in order that he might appreciate it more upon his return to it.

In no area did Al have a score that was more than one standard deviation from the mean; usually, they were less than half a standard deviation from the mean. Or, to put it more directly, Al was just an ordinary guy.
[More TBA]

Spoiler: Part Three • show

[First dream Al has of Gwen, ending with, “But to clarify this incident, we need to introduce the other principal in the tale”.]

I got a message one day that a friend and colleague needed my help, so I called her up to see what the problem was.

“Oh, hi Fred,” Gwen said, using the nickname she had for me that nobody else ever used. Mostly the other denizens of the Bad Sector—and even those of the Greater System itself—refer to me by a nickname that isn’t supposed to be a slur but really is. While her nickname refers to my actual name, the other and more common one relates to my function in the System.

“Hi yourself,” I replied in my usual manner. “What’s up? You look kind of distracted.”

Indeed, Gwen’s avatar was decidedly more :( than her usual :). One thing that I have always liked about Gwen is that she prefers simple and basic avatars. It both makes for a nice contrast to others of her cohort whose avatars are as large and complex as allowed (and sometimes slightly more than allowed) and also allows a slow processor like me to analyze her avatars more easily.

Gwen’s frown-atar deepened to a >:(. “Oh, I’ve been assigned to analyze this weird signal from an old comm line.”

“So you called for the old-timer to see if he could give you a hand.”

“You know me: I always try to get with the Subject Matter Expert when I can. The weirdest thing about it, though, is that I haven’t been able to find out where the comm line goes; I mean, that data should be in the schematics somewhere, but the diagram ends with a whole cluster of lines-—power lines, comm lines, the whole range-—going off into nowhere. It’s like there should be another page, but it’s missing.”
[More TBA]

Spoiler: Part Four • show

[Gwen fails to analyze the signals consciously, but decrypts them in her dreams: they’re security feeds of Al, piped in from the remnants of the arcology on the surface. This prompts a discussion of how and why the surface was abandoned, and what the Greater System is: a neural interface linking everyone’s minds together (with limitations).]

The creators of the Greater System had had to lie to get everyone to hook into it in the first place: they’d staged a fake “alien invasion” of the mostly abandoned surface, which had caused the necessary panic to allow them to have everyone hook into the System “for the duration of the emergency”; at the time of these events, the “emergency” was in its 326th year, with no sign of an end any time soon. This information is freely available to anyone who asks one of the Gurus, though they do not volunteer it.

[Gwen watches Al in her dreams and finally finds a way to talk to him in his dreams; when she remembers her dreams, she’s punished for being delusional. This leads to a discussion on what a mind is precisely.]

In the following discussion, I will be unable to use the precise terminology that I prefer, as there are so many near-synonymous terms in “popular” use for most of the difficult and/or disputed concepts that I will have to discuss that simply using terms without explanation would befuddle the vast majority of you who are reading this; I ask your indulgence for the many parenthetical passages offering alternate terminology, as they are intended to reduce confusion rather than to cause it.

When the body it was born into (or spawned from-—that debate is still going on to this day) dies, a human mind tends to-—well, the closest words in English that are anything like what happens are “fade away”, or “dissipate”, but that’s still not really what happens. All of the information remains, but the mind stops initiating actions and becomes solely reactive; that is, it never again undertakes action of its own accord; it loses its flavor, if you will, and its will. In a very distinct way, the mind becomes an “it”, rather than the person that it once was.

The creators of the System had not anticipated this, so when it first happened, there was quite a flutter about it, which essentially and eventually came down to this: it was decided that the continued smooth functioning of the System required the constant and perpetual presence of certain minds; therefore, it was necessary to find a way to keep these minds in the System in perpetuity. Alphas are the results of the experiments that followed: free-standing (or unbodied, or what have you) copies (or instances, or whatever technical term you wish to use) of minds that were created to see if a mind could be kept in the System in perpetuity, rather than allowing them to “dissipate” when the bodies that spawned them (or as you will) finally succumbed to death. The concept is sort of like having multiple copies of a file in use so that if the main drive fails the file can be saved locally.

The first Alphas were copied across several of the clusters that make up the system, as well as across several of the sectors in the cluster from which the template mind originated. Once the copy process was complete and verified, their templates were killed. Every stage of the process was minutely observed to see what would happen to these Alpha prototypes; I’m sure the researchers had several side bets going on what would happen to each of the various copies. There were many successes and failures in those early trials, and each test taught the researchers more.

So, since Alphas are minds that do not have a body or brain associated with them (at least supposedly), you might expect that Alphas would be susceptible to a whole suite of problems that “normal” minds don’t experience; you’d be both right and wrong at the same time. Alphas do tend to develop problems sooner or later, but they’re all the same problems that have bedeviled human minds down through the ages: psychoses, schizophrenia, and the like, just like anyone else might develop, though usually far more pronounced or extreme than you’d expect. Even so, the Alphas were considered a success, and used as templates to create the Omegas, the multi-ply backups for the coterie of minds “the System cannot do without”.

I have the feeling that those chosen for Omega status were chosen for other reasons than the ones given for public release.
[More TBA]

Spoiler: Part Five • show

[Gwen wants to leave the System and go to Al in the arcology, in the world known as “Outside”; since Al has survived there for 2 years, she knows it’s safe. She tries to tell the others in the Bad Sector, but they resist.]

I told Gwen the truth: the minds inside the Bad Sector were sent here specifically because they cannot accept any reality that they didn’t create for themselves; did she expect that her having shown them a link to the Outside would magically change that basic fact somehow? (Of course she did, because she’s human, and that’s how humans think.)

In the end, we had to lie to them to get them to leave the Sector. Rather, we had to adapt the lie they’d all accepted in the first place: there were alien invaders, all right, but they had only destroyed out of ignorance, since they were so alien that they didn’t recognize us humans as intelligent. Now, they did, so they wanted to work with us to make up for the damage they’d caused.

[As everyone leaves the Bad Sector, the Gurus begin to erase it - “Wiping the Bad Sector”, which was a course of action they’d threatened numerous times over the course of the story.]

I envy Gwen; she had Al to pull her out of herself, and eventually, out of here. You see (in case I haven’t made it blatantly obvious), she loves him. She loves him enough to leave everything and everyone else behind, so she was the first to go.

I am the last of those who are leaving to go.

I am terrified of leaving this unreal reality.

You see, I am Alfred-7459-Alpha. In fact, I was the first Alpha, a grand experiment to see if a mind could survive totally untethered from a body. Since I was the first, all the problems and glitches and faults that I’ve noted as happening to Alphas happened to me first, and the controllers had to figure out how to patch them over without any prior experience, so they were only mostly successful most of the time.

The controllers cloned a body for me at one point, to see what would happen when an Alpha got a replacement body. To be completely accurate, when the project first began, the controllers created several clone embryos of Alfred-7459 and put them into cold storage, anticipating such a test.

They had me overwrite the clone’s developing mind as he grew from infancy into childhood; the morality of it aside, I’m not even sure that it worked. That was how Alfred-7459 “came back” to the mostly abandoned Commune 21 so many centuries after my creation and his subsequent death.

Do I even have a body into which my mind can be “returned”? The others supposedly did, but do I?

I look down at my hands and wonder if they’ll be the same hands I’ll see when I look at them in truth.

The other disturbing thing is that no one who has disconnected has reconnected to tell us it’s all right. Is it because Al and Gwen were right, and it’s so much better on the Outside that no one wants to come back, for fear that they would be trapped again?

Is it because they never made it Outside, instead being shunted into some even deeper layer of the System because they tried to escape it?

Is it because they’re all dead?

There were a few who wouldn’t leave, even knowing that the Bad Sector is going to be wiped soon. Again, I’m the last of those who are leaving to go, and I’m terrified.

Only eight minds aside from mine are still in the Bad Sector.

Thus ends my account.

Disconnect.

END MESSAGE

[Now, he’s incorrect, but how many hints should I give that he’s wrong (not lying, as far as he knows, but wrong)? This is one of the inherent problems of first-person writing, which is why I don’t usually use it; unfortunately, something about this story seemed to require it.]

(BTW, Roisin, this is the other "ghostly love story" in embryo I mentioned years ago.)

thegreyarea

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Re: The Forum's Scriptorium
« Reply #536 on: May 14, 2023, 01:10:37 PM »
Looks pretty interesting, LooNEY! I'll read it and do my best to provide some useful feedback. :)

BTW I just published a new story (tied to the "prompt of the week" "Fae", from a few weeks ago) and it's here: Trasgo. As always your appreciation and any suggestion are very important to me. :)
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Re: The Forum's Scriptorium
« Reply #537 on: June 06, 2023, 01:13:06 AM »
Oh yeah, it only just occurred to me to put this here, a poem I wrote in Kalevala meter for TTRPG reasons (up on AO3 here, and under a spoiler because it's pretty long):

Spoiler: show

Once, in summer's heat of horror
(gone now, in forgotten fogbanks,
gone away beneath the water),
parents of an hour gathered
all their children close around them,
fearing that the summer's horror
soon would reach from misted shadow,
far beyond the distant shadow,
clawing life from all it tainted,
puppeteering dancing corpses
into dances quick with hatred,
death for death - misguided vengeance
tearing breath and thought and nature
from the throats of child and parent,
huddled in their lighted bastion
by the cold and fog-choked water -

Once, before, in other summers,
long before in other winters,
others ran through other forests
singing for their mother forests
and the creatures they called cousins:
goldeneye and pike and eagle,
cuckoo, elk, and lynx and adder
and the greatest, Honey-eater,
never slain with killing purpose,
always given proper guidance
through the sky to godly forests
lest his spirit swell with fury,
lest he bring down fire and ruin
(horror summer, hidden winter)
on the people of the forests
who had dared to thus forget him,
who had done him such dishonor
that their deaths were naught but justice -

twisted justice, monster's justice,
blinded eyes and bloody sword-edge,
portent over child and parent
in but one poor fool's beholding -

In that summer, understanding.

In that summer, the fool's errand
ended thus the summer's chapter,
led a funeral procession
for the vengeful, dancing corpses
back to where they had been sired,
home to wilds of tree and hillside,
while, below, the lighted bastion
slept - and woke, unplagued with horror,
to the brighter days of summer,
days that faded, as all seasons.
So the parents of an hour
sent the children to their homelands;
so the snows fell all untrodden,
so the forest slept in silence
but for one: the fool, still singing,
leading dead things to their resting,
on and on and on and onward -

to whose shores, no one remembers.

Once, in summer free of horror,
different parents of an hour
knew not what had come before them,
who had wandered too far onward,
who now slept, unknown, unknowing
(gone into forgotten fogbanks,
gone away beneath the water,
unmourned princess of the dream-lake
who, on land, was heir to nothing).

Years passed through their whirling seasons.
Still the princess-fool slept onward.
Still the forest's place of summer
found new children every summer,
children knowing naught of horror -
peace and laughter reigned triumphant,
sweet as the last fruits of summer,
soft as clouds before the thunder,
joyful as the leaping salmon
as he struggles toward his deathbed.

Monsters do not die that quickly.
Summer brings the summer's monster,
certain as the season's whirling,
certain as the shadows deepen
every dusk, with every nightfall -
closer stalks the summer's monster,
trailing hatred in its footsteps.
So it goes: the woods cry warning,
mists descend, defenses falter,
people die. The tale continues.

And who am I, that I can share it?

No one, really - just a relic,
surface smoothed by misted water,
scoured gently from the stories
that the eldest search for guidance.
Woods-bound ghost of two beginnings,
memories that hold no water,
once more straying too far onward
into someone else's future.
Who am I to play intruder?
Just a guardian, woeful omen,
piper pied or guide unbroken -
you, ice-sister, water-brother,
know you this, if nothing other:

someone waits beyond the treeline,
someone who would see you safely
through the hell of summer's horror,
through the fangs of fog and bone;
though you may feel lost and helpless,
help is never far behind you;
though you wander by your lonesome,
you are never quite alone.
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Conversant: :fr:
Trying to learn: :fi:

Keep Looking

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Re: The Forum's Scriptorium
« Reply #538 on: June 06, 2023, 02:14:00 AM »
Oh, wow! apprenticeNerd, this is amazing! The way this takes you through the landscape and through the folklore and horror of the SSSS setting - it's beautifully written! And you've kept the meter really consistent as well (my mother's a poet and she has a bit of a Thing for meter that I've inherited - I always notice when the meter is off but at the same time, whenever it's done well it's greatly appreciated). Truly an impressive work!
I write poetry sometimes.

Icon by the amazing Rithalie from the SSSS discord (rithalie-art.tumblr.com)

Ruler of Changi Airport

LooNEY_DAC

  • Ruler of a Derelict Airport
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Re: The Forum's Scriptorium
« Reply #539 on: June 23, 2023, 04:34:02 PM »
...And here I go again, dropping a link to a collection of what might be called "story seeds" so that I can get some feedback.

Sigh.

EDIT: link corrected.
« Last Edit: July 01, 2023, 11:52:21 PM by LooNEY_DAC »