Author Topic: Bad jokes thread  (Read 139680 times)

Róisín

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #420 on: May 03, 2018, 09:27:31 PM »
That is funny! Did you ever see a book of cartoons called 'Fractured French'? Possibly not, it came out long before you were born, but some of the jokes were very clever. Each page was a French expression or proverb, a funny mistranslation of it, and a cartoon. They illustrated the proverb 'tant pis, tant mieux' with a drawing of a very stuffy-looking old lady entering a room with a relieved smile, with the caption 'the aunt feels much better since she made a telephone call'. For those who don't speak French or who weren't around to pick up the slang of the era, 'tante' is 'aunt', 'mieux' is 'better', and 'to make a telephone call' was a polite euphemism for going to the toilet.

The expression 'tant pis, tant mieux' doesn't translate precisely into English. Sort of 'so much the better, so much the worse', 'good if you succeed, too bad if you don't'.
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Grade E cat

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #421 on: May 05, 2018, 02:15:46 AM »
I didn't before you mentioned it, but it does seem to be available on Amazon, though one copy is about 240 euros (I plead "access to a bunch of English language material from a French suburb" for my collusion with the devil).
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Róisín

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #422 on: May 05, 2018, 05:30:28 AM »
*looks with new respect at her own battered old copy*
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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #423 on: May 05, 2018, 06:53:00 AM »
There's actually one as cheap as 13 euros (used, of course), but still impressed one of the two others was that expensive (the in-between is about 45).
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JoB

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #424 on: May 06, 2018, 02:47:42 PM »
*looks with new respect at her own battered old copy*
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Iceea

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #425 on: May 07, 2018, 04:45:57 PM »
What, no Cinco de Mayo jokes? Well I can remedy that ;D

A little known fact is that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York. This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico. But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York.

The ship hit an iceberg and sank and the cargo was forever lost. The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great that they declared a National Day of Mourning, which they still observe to this day.

The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5 and is known, of course, as Sinko de Mayo.
:usa: obviously :france: too many yrs ago
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Buteo

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #426 on: May 09, 2018, 04:21:07 PM »
Thank you, Iceea, for having mustard the courage to fill this void.

Purple Wyrm

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #427 on: May 10, 2018, 04:34:01 AM »
What does Thor put on first thing in the morning?

Spoiler: show
His thunderwear!
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JoB

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #428 on: May 10, 2018, 11:19:22 AM »
What does Thor put on first thing in the morning?
Spoiler: show
His thunderwear!

Well, unless he has slept in full clothing
Spoiler: show
'cause he got hammered the day before, of course.
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urbicande

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #429 on: May 14, 2018, 12:29:43 PM »
Well, unless he has slept in full clothing
Spoiler: show
'cause he got hammered the day before, of course.


Spoiler: show
As opposed to having a more Loki night?
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Iceea

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #430 on: May 15, 2018, 12:11:15 PM »
Passing by the Thor jokes; (I'm so Thor I ---)

A funny bit from the movie/DVD Tim's Vermeer

2 Weeks

When a computer programmer says it will take 2 weeks to do something or finish a project, you run away screaming. Because that’s the generic answer for “I have no idea how long this is going to take”.
One rule of thumb is to double that and go to the next unit. So 2 weeks becomes 4 months.
:usa: obviously :france: too many yrs ago
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Anna

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #431 on: May 31, 2018, 10:26:57 PM »
The past tense of William Shakespeare is Wouldiwas Shookspeared
:chap10::chap11::chap12::chap13::chap14::chap15::chap16::chap17::chap18::chap19::chap20::chap21:
:A2chap01::A2chap02::A2chap03::A2chap04::A2chap05:
:book2::book3::book4:

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Hearth

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #432 on: May 31, 2018, 11:42:02 PM »
The past tense of William Shakespeare is Wouldiwas Shookspeared


That is brilliant and I love it and hate it in equal proportions (which is to say, I entirely love it)  ;D
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urbicande

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #433 on: June 04, 2018, 11:59:42 AM »
The past tense of William Shakespeare is Wouldiwas Shookspeared

I need to show this to several people
Keep an eye on me. I shimmer on horizons.

Survivor: :chap7: :chap8: :chap9: :chap10: :chap11: :chap12: / :book2:   :chap13:   :chap14:  :chap15: :chap16: / :book3:  :chap17: :chap18: :chap19: :chap20:  :chap21: / :book4:

:A2chap01:

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Learning: :sweden: :finland:
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Iceea

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #434 on: June 15, 2018, 10:24:03 AM »

As comedian Bob Hope lay on his death bed in 2003, his wife Dolores asked him where he'd like to be buried.

His reply: "Surprise me."
:usa: obviously :france: too many yrs ago
:chap5: :chap6: :chap7: :chap8: :chap9: :chap10: :chap11: :chap12: :chap13: :chap14: :chap15: :chap16: :chap17: :chap18: :chap19: :chap20: & :book2:

You're only given one little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it!
Robin Williams