Digging through the massive quantities of paper from the Copenhagen Expedition, Taru Hollola had discovered an oddity. Under the vast reams of after-action reports, treasure documentation, and logbook sketches was a single battered volume, titled "Things
I'm Not Allowed To Do" in Danish. Paging through it, an impish grin, entirely unlike her and almost entirely involuntary, spread across her face. Perhaps the young fools on their own expedition could use something like this of their own?
Basically I figured it'd be entertaining to have a thread like
https://ssssforum.com/index.php?topic=451.0, but for 'sonas. Suggest your own!
LIST BEGINS
1. Teleporting things is not an acceptable method of cleaning them up.
2. Flipping Captain Fimbulvarg's bed is highly discouraged, for safety reasons.
2a.----YoU cAN't TeLl mE wHAt To dO hUMAnz.
3. Team members are not allowed to borrow all the coms equipment to "phone home".
3a.Especially if that involves coercing other teams to donate equipment and mages for the task.
4. The tank is not for joyrides.
5. No matter how awesome it looks, using the "pilot light" of a flamethrower to light a cigar or cigarette is NOT allowed.
6. Pranking people with grenades is not allowed.
7. Reenactments of the previous expedition's "Leaftroll Incident" are forbidden.
8. Mechanics are not allowed to mount a rocket battery on any of the Cat-Tanks.
8a. EVEN IF it increases combat effectiveness.
9. No one is allowed to tell any of the non-immune members that they are eating troll meat. Unless they actually are. Then please take their food away.
9a. Troll meat is not an acceptable emergency field ration.
10. Expedition members are not allowed to play the accordion, under punishment of having to clean horse stalls. One stall per note of music.
10a. Punishment is not required if 51% of the expedition considers the noises being made to be actual music.
10b. Except in any case where a troll or grossling is attracted by the accordion noises. Then the punishment is 2 stalls for every note.
11. Trolls, no matter how small or seemingly harmless, are not pets.
11a. Do not use trolls as alarm clocks.
11b. seriously get rid of that troll.
12. Do not, under any circumstances, steal, 'borrow', or re-locate another members weaponry without consent to do so.
12a. Under the unfortunate and punishable-by-endless chores event that your weapon has been taken away, vengeance in
the form of killing, mauling or otherwise harming your team mate is NOT ALLOWED.
12b. However, you MAY pour itching powder inside their clothes. Because you don't touch other peoples weaponry. Really,
don't do that.
13. Nobody in the Known World is allowed to EVER play bagpipes.
13a. Team members are no longer allowed to refer to bellows pumps as bagpipes despite similarities in design.
14. Team members are not allowed to practice medical techniques on living patients without prior training.
15. Team members pull Gwenno's braids at their own risk.
16. Do not directly forbid Fimby from doing anything in the hope of getting him to do said thing. It will not work out as you
expect.
17. Villainous deeds are to be constrained to proper altaverse.
18. Troll blood as warpaint is not allowed.
19. Do you guys really need to copy everything Karri or Haiz do, really? Every trend?.....
19a. If Karri or Haiz start a trend it is required of team members to follow suit.
20. Crew members are not allowed to offer promotions for getting rid of that damn troll if they are not in a position to give
promotions.
20a. If team members have authority to give promotions this is of course acceptable.
21. Books and other plunder are not to be kept by individual team members and are for the good of the known word. Please
stop *losing* them, and *forgetting* to register finds with the correct authorities.
22. Team members are not allowed to have injuries go untreated.
23. Team members are not allowed to put important documents in Karri's hair. Yes, nobody liked the chorelist, but we did need that and now it's going to rot in there.
24. Mud is not an acceptable replacement for clothing.
24a. Troll blood is not an acceptable replacement for clothing.
24b. Rags are not an acceptable replacement for uniforms.
24c. Please just keep your uniforms on.
25. Team members are not aloud to leave any sort of animal pelt laying around.
25a. Or wear them to frighten other members.
25b. Or let Matthew wear them.
25c. Seriously don't let him wear it.
25d. Troll skin(s) may not be animal pelts, but are treated as such.
26. Team members are hereby ordered to cease attempting to steal Strelok's bandanna or goggles.
26a. Furthermore all betting pools on his true eye color, hair length and coloration are to be turned over to command for future expedition miscellaneous funds.
27. Team members are also no longer allowed to play pinfinger, nerve, bishop, stabscotch, or five finger fillet with knives of unknown origin.
27a. The embarrassment of losing is punishment enough for playing such a silly game.
27b. Strelok is banned from all games of pinfinger, nerve, bishop, stabscotch, or five finger fillet due to cheating with runic type magic.
27c. Team members may not hold fingers for ransom.
28. In the event of survivors of any sort being encountered, the proper procedure is to approach cautiously and diplomatically, NOT engage them in a foot chase while heavily armed.
29. Team members are strongly discouraged from attempting to convince team mages and magic adepts that they are still in their particular dreamscapes.
30. If a team member is separated from the team in an attack and manages to survive, they should try to return to base as soon as it is safe to do so.
30a. And under no circumstances should they "see how long they can survive the Silent World alone."
30b. Yes, even if you bring back copious amounts of edible berries on your return.
30c. Speaking of berries, no one is allowed to fool city folk into thinking that blueberries are good as a staple food. You do it, you're on toilet cleaning duty for the following three days to clean up the mess you caused.
31. On NO occasion is any team member to consider keeping a beast as a "pet". Cuteness of said beast is irrelevant. (see rule #11)
32. Hope is NOT achieved through overwhelming firepower.
33. Plans C through Z are not "more dakka".
33a. Even if you do have more dakka to bring to the fight, it should have been expended during Plan B- that's why we're on Plan C in the first place.
34. Muddy boots must be taken off inside the cat tank.
34a. You may not bodily harm those that leave muddy footprints on the tank floor.
35. Yelling as loud as industrial noises is not a scout return signal.
36. Will not tell people that the new mage is a fae without confirming the fact.
37. Speaking in binary and convincing the medic everyone is robots is Not A Very Good Thing To Do.
