The Forum's Art Museum

[Groupoid]

I really like the cat. 10/10 would pet that cat.
And a nice comic. I didn't know how deadnaming feels like, this gives me a new perspective.

[catbirds]

OOF yeah this really does make me Get It :'3 Windy, you make very meaningful comics that hit where it hurts.

I vaguely understand this from two perspectives, both because my parents didn't want to give me an English name but had to and because I'm not a fan of my name. I really wish parents gave us a choice in the matter!

[Jitter]

Windy, thank you. Once again you give us food for thought!

[Róisín]

I like my forename, but most people around here mispronounce it because it is Gaelic and I live in an area where English is the dominant language with a bit of German being spoken by many locals because many of the early settlers of my area were German, and most of the old settler families try to retain at least some of their language and culture stuff.

So I tend to use my middle names which are more Anglo sounding, though even the middle name that I use as a forename gets misspelled because it can be either a male or a female name (Beverley being more commonly the female spelling, Beverly the commoner form for males, though even that isn’t invariable). And my family also has a tendency to name kids after honoured ancestors, or after kin or close friends who die around the time the baby is born. Don’t mind that, did it with my own kids, and my oldest son is named after both of his grandfathers, which was the usage in both my family and my first husband’s family. And one of my greatnieces loved her own forename, which is another non-gendered name (Rowan) until she reached high school, where she was in a class with several other Rowans who were all boys and pretty objectionable boys at that. So she rather regretfully started using her much more girlie middle name and did so all through school.

And Windy, that is indeed something to think about.

[midwestmutt]

My parents had six kids. The first was a girl, then they had two boys. They had three more boys trying to get another girl. The last three of us were supposed to be named Maryjo. I was the last child which left them undecided on a name so the nurse suggested Danny Joe. There were six Dannys in my age group in our small town, three of us were Danny Joes. I've always felt indifferent to my name.

[Vulpes]

My parents had six kids. The first was a girl, then they had two boys. They had three more boys trying to get another girl. The last three of us were supposed to be named Maryjo. I was the last child which left them undecided on a name so the nurse suggested Danny Joe. There were six Dannys in my age group in our small town, three of us were Danny Joes. I've always felt indifferent to my name.

I feel indifferent to my name, but not because it's common - it's relatively rare for me to meet another with it. But I don't identify with it. It's merely a label, something for people to call me besides "Hey you!". I dislike my middle name, though, so it's not that I don't care about names in general. When I was a kid I desperately wished I had a cool nickname, because I figured that would "fit" in a way that my given name never has. Alas, I was never gifted with a decent nickname, so I continue to use the label I was given at birth.

[Róisín]

Nicknames are strange. I got ‘Flea’ because I’m really tiny, ‘Professor’ for obvious reasons, and ‘Róisín’ or ‘Womanchild’ from my paternal grandfather, who actually liked me, which was rare for him.

[Windfighter]

I didn't mean to start a huge discussion about how much we like our names ops xD I'm glad there's people who like their names and who don't have any particular feelings about their names. I would love to belong to either of those groups!

Spoiler: wramblings • show

You are now entering the brain of Windy. This is your last warning

I've disliked my name at least since I was 9 (I can't recall any particular feelings about my name before that). I solved that by simply not listening to it which worked because when it was called it was never for me anyway. I have a pretty common name ^^' I grew older and my name started actually hurting somewhere when I was 11 and 1) I realized people would always be mispelling it and 2) I realized just how female the name actually was (plus 3: my brother started physically abusing me to get me to fit in his and mother's idea of who I should be and my name was at the center of that idea)
(All names are gender neutral in sweden according to law, but that doesn't change the fact that my name still specifically means something feminine)
I got the nickname Windy when I was 14 and discovered The Interwebs and I loved it because it was a whole new person, because I could be someone else than RL-me had to be. I could be who I actually was (except not quite because brother was on the same site as I was). Couldn't really tell people IRL to call me Windy tho because that would have been weird. Got the nickname Zoe from a friend which I was mostly indifferent to but it still hurt a little because it was close to my regular name. Most of the time they called me Matt tho so it was fine xD
Around 20 I tried to win my name back, make it me, make myself like it. I struggled SO HARD with that. It was my name, it was a gift from my parents, and I knew I HAD to like it because otherwise I'd be disrespectful and I'd be a horrible person and either way I was gonna have to carry it my WHOLE LIFE. Therapy did not help with this because they gave us homework that was "write positive characteristics about yourselves that start with the same letters as you have in your name" and I was just 'yeah there are no characteristics At All starting with the letter Z' and they went "well just pretend you spell it the normal way for this" and I just... the one thing my name had going for it was that it is not spelled the regular way. the one redeeming quality. And they just wanted me to erase that, to change my name to fit the task, and I learned that My Name would make me Fail Therapy which was also a fun discovery.
Around 20 was also when I realized just how sick I felt being put into the 'woman'-category of humans (which was weird that I didn't realize it before when I've been saying that I'm a boy at least since I was 8 ) and I'm not sure if that's related to my desperate wish to like Win Back my name or something (maybe because I knew that my family would not accept me saying 'I'm not a woman' and I was still desperate for their approval).
All was still kinda fine at the names department tho because they didn't use it a lot at work and I didn't get a lot of important papers that were absolutely peppered with my name, so I didn't really have to face my name that often. So I didn't quite realize just how much the name hurt. Which changed around 25 when Therapy got more intense. When I got my own apartment. When the government got involved in my life in a much more direct way. And I was constantly faced with papers which had my name written out ten, twenty, thirty times. And I could never recognize the person the papers were talking about. And I realized I had gotten so good at pretending I was that person that everyone fell for it. And it hurt. It hurt because no one would ever know *me*, they'd just know who Zara was. They'd only know the mold my family had made for me.
And I tried to shrug it off because that was the person I had to be. Because otherwise no one would ever like me.
And then... I ended up at a workplace where everyone is Constantly calling me that name. and every time it feels like being stabbed (I say that as someone who has never actually gotten stabbed so you can tell it's an exaggeration but it's still bloody painful). And it hurts more and More and More. And I don't have anyone to talk about it with because I don't have the words, I don't know how to describe it, I don't know how to mention it without making others feel bad about having used my name and made me feel like that.*

And I can't fit in that name any longer. I can't fit in the mold that name cut out for me. I can't fit in it because the mold is that of a woman and I am not. The mold was supposed to be someone neurotypical, and I am not. The mold was supposed to be someone cishet and I am not. The mold was supposed to be racist, to be homophobic, to be submissive and I don't want to fit in that box any more.

For a lot of people a name is just a name. And I love that for them. For me, my name is a cage and every time people use it they're (unintentionally) locking me in it.


*I also never stopped to think about why my name hurt so much before, and part of me just assumed it was part of the Human Experience to feel pain when hearing your name so I never really stopped long enough to figure out how to explain it. I mean, these are ALL things I've been thinking my whole life but I've been unable to put it all together and then suddenly all pieces just fell into place a couple of days ago. But yeah I still would probably have a hard time explaining it to someone IRL

I could just change my name, how hard can it be? But I don't know how the process works and there are SO MANY names out there it's hard to choose one

Anyway to be more on-topic, thanks for the kind comments >w<

[JoB]

I could just change my name, how hard can it be? But I don't know how the process works

Technically speaking, you're in a very lucky place for that ...

and there are SO MANY names out there it's hard to choose one

Pro tip: For that, you do not want to take advice from someone going as "JoB" here.

[steadfastjewel]

I hope someday you'll find that name that fits you like a glove, Windy! I know people sometimes ask online friends to 'try out' new names for them, since if you change your mind its a lot less explaining than with IRL people.

I'm pretty fond of my name, although it is vexingly gendered. I'm named for a relative, though, so I don't think I'd feel right choosing a new one. I relate to that desire for nicknames- my name may be mine, but I wouldn't mind something more abstract or androgynous to go by, informally. Unfortunately my name is very short so diminutives were never on the table  I wound up giving myself nicknames in grade-school, all embarrassing as only an eight year old can come up with ('Hawk' was okay, but none stuck, haha)

Interestingly, every other person I've known with my name... doesn't have my name anymore. Its become a deadname, several times over. Which hasn't simplified the gender feels, let me tell you.

[moredhel]

I don't think the choice of names is really that big. Would you want an short or a long name, a common or a more seldom one? Or one that people can spell when you tell your name at the phone? Practical criteria may eliminate a lot of potential names. It is your choice do you want to a name like Artaxerxes or one like Eric?

[Mirasol]

I clearly haven´t been here for too long again... Beautiful paintings and drawings, everybody!

And I do wish you to find the perfect name, Windy!

[Annuil]

Wow, this is an interesting conversation! Names are such a strange thing to think of, but you have shown your pain about it well, Windfighter. I personally have no problem with my name, even though it causes some problems for people who don’t speak Russian. My first name is extremely common and I used to question my parents why did they have to give me such a common name (I had two-three other people with the same name in my class in school most of the time), but now I’m totally fine with it, because it is a very international name. It’s a female name and I have no problem with accepting myself as a woman (a girl, heh).
It’s my last name that causes problems for people, even some Russians get confused, however I do not see it as an issue for myself. I accepted what was given to me and live in harmony with my own self at least about this topic.
However, I do understand that some names are a pain to live with. It is legal in some countries to change your name, though I do know it can be hard. I hope you will find a way to solve the name problem, Windfighter!

Back to art!
moredhel, you’re truly getting better and better at that watercolour! It’s so fun to see your progress

Wave, that cat looks so great! I wish I could pet it! I always wanted to go to one of those cat-caffes at some point, but I haven’t heard of any anywhere close to where I live.

Grey, nice work in that black and white style, that is some work with perspective! looks really good

And there! I have something to share too!
https://1drv.ms/u/s!AsSnHPIBASO_3DGefHpjyS4f-QBU
This is going to be the cover illustration for my book.
For those interested in reading my stories: I’m sorry, I’m working on actually making the website translated into English, eventually there’ll be a button that will make it translated into my own translation. For now you can find the translated chapters in the side/bottom menu.

[Opaque]

And here I am who has used the name Opaque for just about everything since middle school. I just chose it when I was fiddling around in MS paint one day. It stuck with me. Don't know why. It never occurred to me to use a different name for something (like my real name). At this point I can't imagine not using it. I'll probably be Opaque forever.

My real first name is so common and boring so I never use it. Not that it's a bad name but just not me you know? Fake internet names are made from how people are feeling at that time they made it up. Real life names are a lot of times names from previous generations from your family and might not fit you at a certain point in your life. Or it may never fit you. I remember when I was young being annoyed at my name for not being interesting. Nowadays I... well it's still boring but it's not annoying anymore.

[moredhel]

It is really fun to make some progress.

I like your picture. What species of flowers is it? Snowdrop or spring snowflake or something completely different?