"Why is the grump extra gloomy today?" asked Sigrun, with an air of curiosity rather than concern. "Isn't he looking forward to tonight's celebration?”
Mikkel followed her gaze across the room. She was right: the expression on Onni’s face was the darkest it had been since… Since his battle with the Kade.
“Well…” he said. “He did once tell me that he finds parties frivolous.”
“It’s not just any party, though! It’s in our honour! Honour is never frivolous. And it’s in his own country, the absolutely top place to be honoured in. He’ll get a chance to meet his boring old schoolteachers and go, ‘Ha! You were wrong! Look at me now!’”
Mikkel considered explaining that, based on what he knew of Onni’s childhood, his boring old teachers were likely all dead, but Lalli’s quiet presence gave him pause. Lalli didn’t look like he was listening, but… Mikkel sighed, and restricted himself to, “I do not think his teachers will be there.”
“You know what I mean! Also, there definitely will be booze. Free booze, even. I don’t understand what the problem could be.”
“Very well,” said Mikkel. “I will ask him.”
“He won’t tell you.”
Ah! So Lalli had been listening, after all. “Why?” Mikkel turned to him. “Is it something embarrassing?”
“No. Well, maybe to him.” Lalli shrugged. “But I can tell you. He will hate the party because he hates it when people try to have babies with him."
"Try to have babies?" Sigrun frowned. "You mean, like, flirt with him? Who doesn't like that? And even if he somehow doesn't, he's got a perfect excuse: he can just tell the over-enthusiastic flirts that he's with Reynir."
Lalli shook his head. "Reynir doesn't count.”
Mikkel had to smile. "Really, Lalli. I thought you were done with pretending to dislike Reynir."
"Reynir doesn't count because he can't have babies. Onni is a good mage, so people want him to make some."
"Ah, I get it!" Sigrun slammed her hand down on the table. "Some people in Norway are just the same, all, 'You're immune and good at stuff, have babies.' It's very easy to make suggestions like that, telling someone else to do the hard work. I just ignore them."
"Of course you do," said Mikkel. “But not everyone is– Wait, Lalli, what about you? You’re a mage too, and immune besides. Aren’t you worried about people trying to have babies with you?”
“No.”
“Why not?” Sigrun asked. “No, wait, I bet I know. Is it because you like to spend parties under the food table, growling at strangers?”
“Come on, Sigrun,” said Mikkel. “He doesn’t really do that anymore.”
Lalli’s only response was a look, which, while appearing completely neutral, managed to convince Mikkel that a return to his old, feral ways for the evening was very much on the table. Or, rather, under it.
“In any case,” said Sigrun, waving a dismissive hand, ”our smallest mage doesn’t mind… but the medium-sized one does. Mikkel, it is our duty to protect our teammate from these aggressive baby-havers! Any ideas?”
Mikkel did have one, amusing, idea. “We could ask Reynir to wear a dress. He’d definitely do it, if he thought it would help.”
“How does that help?” asked Lalli. “People know Reynir is a man. To stop the baby-making, Onni would have to go with a woman.”
“She’d have to be a strong woman, I suppose,” said Mikkel. “One who could easily chase off the others?”
Lalli nodded.
“If only…” Mikkel smirked. “If only we knew one,”
“We do!” Sigrun leapt up. “Me!”
Lalli had jerked back at the sudden motion, blinking, but offered no commentary, so it was left to Mikkel to say, “Why, Sigrun, what a splendid idea!”
“That’s settled then,” said Sigrun with a grin. “Now, how should I dress? I will need something that says both ‘I can make babies’ and ‘I can kick your ass’.”
“So, pretty much anything, then?” asked Mikkel.
“Yeah…” said Sigrun thoughtfully. “Now, why I go sort all that out… Which of you two is going to delight the grump by telling him he has a date?”
AUTHOR'S NOTES
The story is stupid, but it expresses some ideas about what we have sometimes discussed here: the whole 'pressure to have babies' thing.
My headcanon would be that this differs a lot by location, even within a country, but that e.g., Finland is in general more community-oriented than, say, Norway. So Onni would get more pressure than Sigrun would for that reason, even though she's immune. And he'd be more likely to feel said pressure.
Lalli, well, he looks better than Onni on paper, but I think his weirdness might work against him.
And we know that Iceland is breeding for immunity, so I think Reynir is not considered a top candidate, either.
Sweden, hmm, I'm not sure about.
