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Scandinavian Pie(based on Don McLean's "
American Pie")
A long, long time ago,
I can still remember
How the Illness took away our smiles.
And I knew that our only chance
Was to adopt a hardline stance
And maybe close our borders for a while.
But February made me shiver,
With every paper I'd deliver.
Grosslings on the doorstep,
I couldn't take one more step.
I can't remember if I cried
As I watched my friends get trollified.
But something touched me deep inside,
The day the Old World died.
So bye-bye, Scandinavian pie.
Drove my cattank through the ruins of an era gone by.
The trolls will eat you in the blink of an eye.
Better Stand Still and Stay Silent, or die.
Stand Still and Stay Silent, or die.
Did you know that books are rare?
You could get rich if you sell them there.
My employer told me so.
So our crew -- two Finns, a Dane, a Swede,
And a most best Norse girl who would lead --
They drove off across the bridge, reeeeeeal sloooooooow.
Well, inside a crate, a boy we found,
And we saved a kitten from a hound.
The ghosts chased us, it's true.
And they tried to murder the crew, hoo!
He was a lonely teenaged Finnish mage,
And he summoned Kokko's fiery rampage.
But we were filled with grief and rage,
The day that Tuuri died.
We started singin',
Bye-bye, Scandinavian pie.
Drove my cattank through the ruins of an era gone by.
The trolls will eat you in the blink of an eye.
Better Stand Still and Stay Silent, or die.
Stand Still and Stay Silent, or die.
Now, for three days, we've been on our own,
'Cause ice floes brought us far from home.
And Lalli's in my head with me.
Well, a Notoro tried to make us food,
And I shot it, but awoke its brood.
So we hid, and hoped they wouldn't see.
Meanwhile, the gang of ghostly clowns
Pursued us to this church we found.
The Pastor was a troll,
Not evil, in control!
And she exorcised that spectral horde.
Our two lost boys came back on board.
And we set off, our hopes restored,
The day that Sleipnope died.
We were singin',
Bye-bye, Scandinavian pie.
Drove my cattank through the ruins of an era gone by.
The trolls will eat you in the blink of an eye.
Better Stand Still and Stay Silent, or die.
Stand Still and Stay Silent, or die.
Helter-skelter, finally back to shelter.
Reynir trained to be a magic helper,
And Kitty went to school for caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaats!
We landed on Finland's grass.
The gull mage warned against gunshot blasts,
Because Surma's gonna hear you, and it's fast!
We survived a fight with Tankertroll,
And caught up with Onni and Tuuri's soul.
He told us of his prey,
And the three bears in the way!
Well, we flashed back to ten years ago,
When Hilja laid the whole town low.
Do you recall that day of woe?
The day that Ensi died.
She was singin',
Bye-bye, Scandinavian pie.
Drove my cattank through the ruins of an era gone by.
The trolls will eat you in the blink of an eye.
Better Stand Still and Stay Silent, or die.
Stand Still and Stay Silent, or die.
Oh, and there they were, all in one place,
Surma (with concrete for a face),
The Kade, and the bears again.
So come on, Swan be nimble, Swan be sleek,
Swan, show us where our foe is weak, 'cause
Shaking out its soul led to its end.
Oh, and as our grandma was uncaged,
Ma Bear fought Surma in a rage.
She nearly lost the war,
But Kadettes evened the score!
And as she mourned her cubs into the night,
She fell to pieces from her fight.
But they were reborn, to our delight.
The day the Kade died.
They were singin',
Bye-bye, Scandinavian pie.
Drove my cattank through the ruins of an era gone by.
The trolls will eat you in the blink of an eye.
Better Stand Still and Stay Silent, or die.
Stand Still and Stay Silent, or die.
We're stuck in Finland till next spring,
So we took a job snow shoveling,
To try and earn some extra pay.
I came in from the snowy yard,
Where I saw the guys just playing cards,
But they told me they had no clue how to play.
And meanwhile, here in the real world,
Our Minna Sundberg's plans unfurled.
The message she was sending:
The comic soon was ending.
'Cause the author I admire well
Has other tales she wants to tell.
And so I bid a fond farewell.
Today, this comic dies.
And we were singin',
Bye-bye, Scandinavian pie.
Drove my cattank through the ruins of an era gone by.
The trolls will eat you in the blink of an eye.
Better Stand Still and Stay Silent, or die.
Stand Still and Stay Silent, or die.
We were singin',
Bye-bye, Scandinavian pie.
Drove my cattank through the ruins of an era gone by.
The trolls will eat you in the blink of an eye.
Better Stand Still and Stay Silent, or die.
