General > General Discussion Board
Bad jokes thread
urbicande:
Where does a general keep his armies?
Spoiler: showIn his sleevies!
Double H:
Here are some that I like:
Two guys are in a boat with three cigarettes. They had no fire, so they threw one of the cigarettes overboard, and the entire boat became a cigarette lighter.
I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
Why couldn't the bicycle stand up? - Because it was two tired.
Two fish are in a tank.
One turns to the other and says, "How do you drive this thing?!"
Kiraly:
(Bless this thread, it's exactly what I needed).
This one is better if it's said aloud, but I'll try to approximate with text:
Two whales walk into a bar. The first whale says:
"OOOOOOOOEEAAAUUUEEEEOOOUUUUUEEEAAAAAAUUUUUUEEEEEEEOOOOOOOUUUUUUEUEIEIEEEEEEIAAAAAOOOOUUUUUEEEAAAAOOOOAAEEEEEEEEEAAUUUUUOOOOOOOOOO...."*
The second whale says,
Spoiler: showShut up, Frank, you're drunk!
*This part can go on for as long as you can make whale sounds. I have a friend who likes to tell it at parties and he can make the whale sounds go on for a long time.
Noodles:
Warning: dorky science jokes ahead.
"We don't serve your kind in here."
A tachyon walks into a bar.
What should you say if someone offers you bootleg sodium bromate?
Spoiler: showNaBrO
Purple Wyrm:
Only really works if read out loud but...
A piece of string walks into a bar. The bartender says "Get out! We don't serve string here!". The string walks out, bends himself into a loop, messes up his hair and walks back in. The bartender asks suspiciously, "Are you a piece of string?". The string says "No, I'm afraid not".
Also the schoolyard classics...
Why did the parrot fall out of the tree?
Spoiler: showIt was dead
Why did the cat fall out of the tree?
Spoiler: showIt was stapled to the parrot
Why did the possum fall out of the tree?
Spoiler: showPeer pressure
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