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Author Topic: Bad jokes thread  (Read 108012 times)

Róisín

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #405 on: November 29, 2017, 09:34:29 AM »
Grrroooannn! Anna, that's a shaggy story.
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Anna

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #406 on: November 29, 2017, 10:13:52 AM »
Quote from: Róisín on November 29, 2017, 09:34:29 AM
Grrroooannn! Anna, that's a shaggy story.
Why, thank you!  ;D
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urbicande

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #407 on: November 30, 2017, 12:39:18 PM »
Quote from: Anna on November 29, 2017, 09:16:44 AM
A boy is taking his girlfriend to prom. He waits in the ticket line for a really long time but he gets them. He goes to rent a limousine. The rental line is very long but eventually he does it. He goes to get her flowers. The line at the florist’s is very long but eventually he gets the flowers. At prom, she asks him to go get some punch. He goes to the refreshments table and there’s no punchline.

*groan*
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wavewright62

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #408 on: November 30, 2017, 02:29:26 PM »
Quote from: Anna on November 29, 2017, 09:16:44 AM
A boy is taking his girlfriend to prom. He waits in the ticket line for a really long time but he gets them. He goes to rent a limousine. The rental line is very long but eventually he does it. He goes to get her flowers. The line at the florist’s is very long but eventually he gets the flowers. At prom, she asks him to go get some punch. He goes to the refreshments table and there’s no punchline.

bwahahahaHAHAHA Okay, I admit that I really like shaggy dog stories.  I was the only one of my siblings who really shared this love with my father. *sniff* Dad jokes ftw.
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JoB

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #409 on: December 25, 2017, 08:09:41 AM »
My dad's been going through some papers today, and I snarfed a couple vintage (2012) ones from his collection as a by-product, so to speak:

Q: What happens if you put a bomb in a tin of alphabet spaghetti?
Spoiler: show
A: Well, if it goes off, it could spell disaster.

Q: What do you call a blind reindeer?
Spoiler: show
A: No eye deer.

Q: What's the name of Father Christmas's wife?
Spoiler: show
A: Mary Christmas.

Q: What do you call Father Christmas's helpers?
Spoiler: show
A: Subordinate clauses.
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Anna

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #410 on: January 17, 2018, 02:06:31 PM »
If we got all the cats in the world to meow at once, it would be catastrophically loud.
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JoB

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #411 on: January 17, 2018, 07:04:20 PM »
Quote from: Anna on January 17, 2018, 02:06:31 PM
If we got all the cats in the world to meow at once, it would be catastrophically loud.
[ponders arranging them into a fsssst array]
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Iceea

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #412 on: February 13, 2018, 11:20:00 PM »
Time to perk things up here.

What is Yoda's favorite dinosaur?

Spoiler: show
The Do-ceratops
There is no Tri!


And there's another one I heard tonight; oh yea almost forgot;

A blind man goes shopping with his seeing eye dog.
He walks into a store, stops in the middle, picks the dog up by the tail and starts swinging it around and around.
A clerk sees this and comes running up in great distress and in a very anxious voice asks the blind man, "Sir, sir what are you doing??"

Spoiler: show
The blind man says, "I'm just looking around".

« Last Edit: February 13, 2018, 11:24:25 PM by Iceea »
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JoB

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #413 on: February 14, 2018, 05:49:24 PM »
Quote from: Iceea on February 13, 2018, 11:20:00 PM
A blind man goes shopping with his seeing eye dog.
He walks into a store, stops in the middle, picks the dog up by the tail and starts swinging it around and around.
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Anna

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #414 on: February 21, 2018, 11:56:26 PM »
How many books can you put in an empty backpack?
Spoiler: show
One. After that, it’s not empty.


How much does it cost to get a piercing from a pirate?
Spoiler: show
A buck an ear.


Where does a werewolf sit in a theater?
Spoiler: show
Any”were” they want!


Mitch: What kind of bird did you get at the pet store?
Joey: A keet.
Mitch: Don’t you mean a parakeet?
Joey: No, I only got one!
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wavewright62

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #415 on: February 22, 2018, 02:42:44 PM »
Keep 'em coming, Anna!  I love these, anyway.  ::)
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Iceea

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #416 on: February 24, 2018, 10:57:52 PM »
Anna, I'll be groaning for days over the pirate one...............

Edit 2/26: I passed that on to a friend who enjoys them, he responded with;

That reminds me of the time when one older kid came trick or treating to my house.  He was dressed up as a pirate.  I asked where his buccaneers were.  He said,
Spoiler: show
“Under me buckin’ hat”.

"I think that was the only joke my father-in-law ever told me."
Allen P

« Last Edit: February 26, 2018, 11:12:17 AM by Iceea »
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Anna

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #417 on: February 26, 2018, 09:13:29 PM »
Which is heavier, 100 pounds of bricks or 100 pounds of feathers?
Spoiler: show
The feathers. A hundred pounds of bricks is just bricks, but if you try to carry the feathers, you also have to carry the weight of what you did to those poor birds.
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wavewright62

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #418 on: February 27, 2018, 05:35:10 PM »
Quote from: Anna on February 26, 2018, 09:13:29 PM
Which is heavier, 100 pounds of bricks or 100 pounds of feathers?
Spoiler: show
The feathers. A hundred pounds of bricks is just bricks, but if you try to carry the feathers, you also have to carry the weight of what you did to those poor birds.


D'awww.  As with all the best jokes, it carries truth.
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Grade E cat

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Re: Bad jokes thread
« Reply #419 on: May 03, 2018, 02:58:23 PM »
My mother knew she had come up with a bad bilingual pun when I laughed at it. I came up with the question.

What does a French person say when they have to reluctantly throw a bunch of vegetables away?

Spoiler: show
Tant pis!


If you don't speak French.
Spoiler: show
"Tant pis" basically means "too bad", the "pis" is pronounced like "pea".
« Last Edit: May 04, 2018, 04:04:54 AM by Grade E cat »
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