Things Mikkel Madsen is Not Allowed to Do:

[Ragnarok]

I am not allowed to yell 'Just as Planned!' when something goes horribly wrong.
I am not the High Priest of the following deities:
Zeus, Dionysus, Poseidon, Khorne, Ares, Aphrodite, Baal, Ishtar, Slaanesh, Yahweh, The Golden Emperor, Cthulu, Mars, Hypnos, Arceus, Nurgle, Om, Terry Pratchett, any form of Greater Demon, The Flying Spaghetti Monster or Tzeentch.
This applies to all deities not on this list.
I am not allowed to make up new deities to worship.

[Talimee]

I am not allowed to yell 'Just as Planned!' when something goes horribly wrong.
I am not the High Priest of the following deities:
Zeus, Dionysus, Poseidon, Khorne, Ares, Aphrodite, Baal, Ishtar, Slaanesh, Yahweh, The Golden Emperor, Cthulu, Mars, Hypnos, Arceus, Nurgle, Om, Terry Pratchett, any form of Greater Demon, or Tzeentch.
This applies to all deities not on this list.
I am not allowed to make up new deities to worship.

I approve of Terry Pratchett being a deity! And Mikkel would be sooo into the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

[Ragnarok]

I approve of Terry Pratchett being a deity! And Mikkel would be sooo into the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

Added. Will continue to expand list.

[Purple Wyrm]

There is neither a Blood God nor a Skull Throne, and they do not require either blood or skulls, respectively.

I am not allowed to instruct new recruits in the worship of corn or anything that sounds like 'corn'

[Aierdome]

I am not allowed to praise Malal.
Malal never existed, doesn't exist and will never exist.

I am not allowed to pretend to be a bartender in order to obtain free drinks.
I am not allowed to pretend to be a bartender in order to poison anyone, especially my superiors.
I am not allowed to get a job as a bartender.
I am not allowed to get a job as "drink specialist" or anything concerning handling of drinkable liquids.
Despite my personal opinion on the subject, water is a drinkable liquid.

[Róisín]

Aierdome: much amused, and reminded of the lines in Adam Lindsay Gordon's verse-play 'Ashtaroth', in which a lordly person in a siege is expressing his annoyance at the lack of anything to drink, and his page is being unsympathetic, thus:
'Then, my lord, thou must even go thirsty, or else
Drink water, as I do.'
Which gets the response:
                               'Thou knave
of a page! Dost thou wish me a colic to have?'

[OwlsG0]

My evil twin did not do it
I do not have an evil twin

While it has been brought to my superiors' attention that I do in fact have a twin, they also know she is female and cannot be mistaken for me

My twin is no longer permitted to dress as me or give the impression she is me
My twin and I must wear tags labelled 'Madsen 1' and 'Madsen 2' at all times
My twin and I are not allowed to swap the tags at any time

[Ragnarok]

I must keep my eyes open when using an axe.
I must keep my eyes open when using any sharp instruments.

[OwlsG0]

A list of terms I am not permitted to use to describe my commanding officer

The Dark Lord
The Evil one
Mom
She who must not be named
Bride of Satan
Our benevolent dictator


Similarly, my graduation ring is not 'The one ring to rule them all' and I will stop referring to it as such

[SectoBoss]

I am not allowed to end speeches with "Carthage must fall".
I am not allowed to end sentences with "Carthage must fall".
I am not allowed to substitute "Iceland" or "Reykjavík" for "Carthage".
I am not allowed to comment on the desirability of the destruction of any nation or city, former or extant, unless it is relevant to the matter at hand.
I am not allowed to make decisions regarding the relevance of destruction on city or nation wide scales.

What have I done?

[Ragnarok]

'Troll' is not a language, and I am not allowed to list it as such in my resume.

Ominous booming thunder should not be heard after my name is spoken.

I am not allowed to ask mages for help with the above action.

[Keeper]

"Distracting" people is not in my job description, and I am not allowed to request to have it added.

[OwlsG0]

I must not prank the new recruits during target practice with ketchup and a convincing death rattle.
I must not fake amnesia to get out of duties including target practice, clean-up, cooking and patrol
I am not the last Mohican and will stop referring to myself as such
Neither am I the last dragon and will stop referring to myself as such
Neither am I Batman and will stop referring to myself as such

[Tr]

I must not prank the new recruits during target practice with ketchup and a convincing death rattle.
I must not fake amnesia to get out of duties including target practice, clean-up, cooking and patrol
I am not the last Mohican and will stop referring to myself as such
Neither am I the last dragon and will stop referring to myself as such
Neither am I Batman and will stop referring to myself as such

Neither am I the last unicorn, and I will stop referring to myself as such.
I will not refer to my superior officers as any of these things.

[Aierdome]

While I can claim that I am Superman, I am not allowed to call red-and-blue suit with yellow S emblazoned on it "my uniform".
Scratch the above - I am not allowed to claim that I am Superman.
Contrary to what I say, cape does not improve my aerodynamics.
We have never hunted, do not hunt and will never hunt a man called "Lex Luthor".
I am not allowed to call anything that I possess "Mikkelsomething", ex. Mikkelgun, Mikkelmobile, etc. I will refer to them by their proper names.
I am not the person to decide on what is a proper name for my equipment.
I am not allowed to take sidekicks.
I am not allowed to put any of my subordinates in circus clothes.