Author Topic: The SSSS Scriptorium  (Read 787223 times)

Jitter

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Re: The SSSS Scriptorium
« Reply #3765 on: July 23, 2020, 07:03:33 AM »
Edited upon noticing Shep’s update of being up to date :) Never mind most of what I said - look at canon violence to make sure.

Shep, your question is slightly tricky. Canon typical violence is ok. However the problem is you are not very far along in the canon yet, right? Are you out of the train yet? Take a look at the train incident to get an idea.

In my opinion a human death is not the deciding factor but the amount of gore. So, I would approve “they sustained such grievous injuries, there was nothing to be done” but detailed descriptions of the injuries or the event leading to them may easily slip over the limit. Description of battle is ok, celebrating the injuries and gore is not. (Please bear in mind this is my opinion only, I cannot give “permission” for any type of content).
« Last Edit: July 23, 2020, 07:07:50 AM by Jitter »
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ftmshepard

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Re: The SSSS Scriptorium
« Reply #3766 on: July 23, 2020, 12:37:14 PM »
Jitter thank you! I will keep that in mind.

Yeah, I'm caught up! Many Tuuri, much dragon age mage Lalli.
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Jitter

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Re: The SSSS Scriptorium
« Reply #3767 on: July 23, 2020, 03:17:08 PM »
I was agonizing over how to answer for you that major character death is canon typical without major spoilers :tuuri: Glad it was useful after all that.

BTW we also have an adult board for adults (obviously) which is a) currently quiet and b) mostly focused on the other type of adult content but it’s also for works that are rated above PG-13 due to gore or otherwise adult themes.
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Lallicat

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Re: The SSSS Scriptorium
« Reply #3768 on: July 23, 2020, 03:27:46 PM »
I wrote this a while ago, it's a story taking place in Africa in the SSSS world. This is mostly a prologue to the actual story, quickly written and only quickly revised. :P I may or may not finish it, but I wanted to put it here for some feedback so... enjoy?

Chieftain Adaliya carefully surveyed her surroundings. The beast attack had taken out 3/4 of their party and had gravely injured at least half of the survivors. Her right hand man, Ekon, cleared his throat to gain her attention. "It's done, Ma'am. They are at rest now." She turned to face him. "Good. Are we ready to head out? We've stayed far to long in this spot." Ekon shifted uncomfortably "Ah, not quite ma'am. We still haven't figured out what to do with the baby." "Status?" Inquired Adaliya. "Relatively healthy, but was born with a twisted leg." After a long silence, Adaliya made her decision. We can't take her with us. We leave her near the closest shrine. She will be an offering to our Gods. "But... she... she is just a child!" Ekon stammered. "She is an extra mouth to feed. Her mother was able to catch enough food for both of them, but she is gone now. And if she somehow manages to survive, with that leg she will slow us down, and make us susceptible to another beast attack. Cape buffalos are nasty creatures, Ekon, and we won't survive another attack. It is the way of life here. The strong survive and the weak die." She paused for a moment. "If it is any consolation to you, she is a frail thing. She most likely would have died anyway." "Well at the very least give her a name, so she can be guided into the beyond properly. Don't leave her soul to wander here for all eternity!" Ekon pleaded. "Very well. Child, I name you Mkali."
« Last Edit: August 01, 2020, 08:49:04 PM by Lallicat »
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Róisín

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Re: The SSSS Scriptorium
« Reply #3769 on: July 23, 2020, 06:08:28 PM »
Well written. A cold equation indeed.
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thegreyarea

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Re: The SSSS Scriptorium
« Reply #3770 on: July 24, 2020, 10:27:13 AM »
Lallicat, I like it (although of course I don't like the idea, but that's understandable considering the context). The SSSS world is a hard one, and Africa, with many large mammals, would be even worse.
Would this story be in the same time frame of the current SSSS (Y90-91)?

I hope you don't mind some observations/suggestions from a non-native English speaker/writer. (so I may be wrong) :)

Wouldn't the "leave her near the closest shrine. She will be an offering to our Gods" imply that Ekon is not going with Adaliya? (or she's ordering him to go find one, unless there's a shrine very close, but then the "closest" to me reads like "the first shrine we find on our way"). But it seems they are going together, and in a hurry, so wouldn't be better to add "we" before?
Also, wouldn't it be "on" the shrine, instead of "near"? Offerings are usually put on (or over, or inside) the shrine, I believe. So we would have:
"We leave her on the closest shrine. She will be an offering to our Gods".

Isn't too cruel to leave a baby to die (or trollify) in the shrine? It seems (to me) that it would make more sense to "put it to rest" (however bad it sounds). But maybe there are strong cultural reasons for not killing, like "the Gods prefer that way", or maybe our storyteller is planning that the baby will survive, or be saved by someone else, and become a protagonist in the actual story (since this would be a prologue) ;)

I hope my comments are useful, and also that you go ahead with the story.
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Lallicat

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Re: The SSSS Scriptorium
« Reply #3771 on: July 24, 2020, 12:26:29 PM »
thegreyarea I hope this will clear up some confusion about the prologue :P And yes, it is set around Y90-95ish


The Alfa lioness opened her eyes. The pride was slumbering under the shade of a tree and all was well. Then she noticed the small human child. She silently rose to her feet and inspected the tiny thing. The baby opened it's eyes. They were black and shiny and full of life. She gave the child's cheek a tentative lick. It giggled. Satisfied, the lioness gently picked it up by the scruff of it's neck and placed it next to her cubs. The pride did not need extra food. As messengers of the Gods, they were entitled to the livestock the humans could spare. The humans never hunted in their territory either. Her pride had been prosperous since the days of the Illness. In exchange, the pride would protect the villages in their territerritory from beasts. It was a good arrangement. While she didn't know the reason the child was left here, she felt that eating it would be a violation of the agreement and trust that her pride and the humans had slowly built with each other. She would raise it as her own.

It seems Mama Lion has a better moral compass then those silly humans...
« Last Edit: July 24, 2020, 12:34:24 PM by Lallicat »
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Jitter

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Re: The SSSS Scriptorium
« Reply #3772 on: July 24, 2020, 01:43:21 PM »
The Mama Lion also has cubs at the moment, resulting in a) milk and b) hormones making her prone to be protective of young things :) I like what this is building up to!
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Lallicat

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Re: The SSSS Scriptorium
« Reply #3773 on: July 24, 2020, 02:00:09 PM »
Jitter thank you! I'm glad you're liking it!
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ftmshepard

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Re: The SSSS Scriptorium
« Reply #3774 on: July 24, 2020, 10:43:10 PM »
I'm writing a sad angsty thing that is an au but only to make things sadder

canon character death, rash illness

Spoiler: show
He found her on the edge of water.
“Tuuri—” Lalli started, and frowned, grabbing her by the back of her jacket. That was easier, more efficient, than words. “You—”
“I found the rash,” she said. “On my neck. It will spread, and then I will be trapped, and I will become—” She tried to pull away from Lalli’s grip. “At least I can see the world without fear, for a little while.”
Lalli looked out over the water. This was not a new sight to him, though it was vaster than the rivers of the archipelago.
“What were you going to do?” he asked. He was, he realized, terrified. With Tuuri gone, he would be alone. 
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Lallicat

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Re: The SSSS Scriptorium
« Reply #3775 on: July 31, 2020, 07:43:21 PM »
I put my current fic aside, for a Human!Kitty AU one. And phew! It was considerably harder than expected to translate comic panels into words.  O_O It isn't perfect yet and needs some revising, but here's the general gist of the first part:
Spoiler: show
 "Emil! Come back here, that's just a cat!" Sigrun shook her head. Emil was very high strung. She turned her attention back to the cat in question. It was lying down in a large puddle. She examined the cat carefully, and it became clear that she sported a fatal wound. She knew she would have to put it out of its misery. Emil, apparently having recovered from the scare he had received from this helpless animal, joined her as she prepared to deliver mercy on the poor cat. He turned away, suddenly interested in a hole in the wall. Despite his tough guy appearence, Sigrun had to constantly remind herself that he had never really seen death. Once the deed was done, she turned back to Emil. He was holding his head in his hands. She looked inside the hole and saw tiny kittens, all dead. "Look Emil," she started, unsure how to comfort the Swede. "Sometimes animals die and there's nothing we can do about-" she was interrupted by a soft "miu!" They both stared at each other, then pressed their faces to the hole. For a fraction of a second, Sigrun thought the shadowed figure was another kitten, but the moment passed, and she saw clearly what was huddling in the dark. A human child.
"Wha-" Emil started to say, but was interrupted by fierce hissing. Before Sigrun had time to blink, the child sprang out of the hole, knocking down both Sigrun and Emil. With surprising agility she shimmied up the remains of a telephone pole. Squaring her shoulders, Sigrun spoke up to the child. "Come down, I know a healer that can take a look at you. And give you food. This will be really easy for both of us if you just climb down now. Or you can be difficult about it." The wisp of a girl bared her teeth down at her. "Fine then, you wanted it this way." Sigrun started to climb the pole. She didn't have time to ponder where the child had come from, or how she had survived in the Silent World, she just knew she had to get that child to Mikkel before it was too late. She may not have been able to save the cats, but she was certainly not going to let this girl die without putting up a fight. "Pshhhht!" The girl hissed at her from atop her perch. Sigrun didn't flinch. "Yeah whatever" she told her. "C'mere Kitten Girl," she called to her as she got to the top. The little brat pushed her hand away as she tried to pick her up. "Stop that, don't you see I'm trying to help you?" A sharp pain passed through her hand, as the small devil bit her. "BAD CHILD! NO!" she scolded. Then the girl went limp. This was excellent, in a way, as she now stopped putting up a struggle, but very, very, bad as she stopped holding up her weight. If it wasn't for her military training, Sigrun would have fell to the ground immediately. She slowly started her descent, but all that dead weight was taking a toll on her injured hand. She started to feel the kid slipping, and knew that she had to do something. "Emil!" She fretted between clenched teeth, "get ready to catch her!" She was so close to the ground, when her arms finally gave way. She landed hard on her back, as she heard Emil grunt a curse, then exclaim, "Got her!" Without giving herself a moment to clear the stars circling in front of her eyes, she pushed herself up and motioned at the unconscious girl. "Give her to me, we need to get to Mikkel as fast as possible." Emil shook his head.
"Not after that fall. I can carry her, don't worry." He hoisted the girl on his back, in an approximate piggyback ride, then took off full speed with Sigrun towards the Cat Tank.


Yes, I moved some events around, but the idea of Sigrun wrestling with a tiny demon-child on top of a pole was to good to pass up.
« Last Edit: July 31, 2020, 07:45:23 PM by Lallicat »
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wavewright62

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Re: The SSSS Scriptorium
« Reply #3776 on: July 31, 2020, 08:27:29 PM »
Heee, go go go...
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Re: The SSSS Scriptorium
« Reply #3777 on: July 31, 2020, 09:38:25 PM »
I put my current fic aside, for a Human!Kitty AU one.
* LooNEY_DAC is still thinking.

Keep Looking

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Re: The SSSS Scriptorium
« Reply #3778 on: July 31, 2020, 09:46:43 PM »
I love this!!!
I write poetry sometimes.

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MollyVampiric

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Re: The SSSS Scriptorium
« Reply #3779 on: August 01, 2020, 12:34:48 AM »
Hehe that was good!

(I'd also like to say I was thinking, but I barely have two brain cells to rub together, so it would take me forever)
Constructive criticism is highly appreciated! <3