Covid 19 - Thoughts and feelings

[Noodles]

I'm a reasonably solitary person, and have not been feeling socially deprived at all over this last week in lockdown.  After all, I'm in almost daily contact with my daughter, I have you all in the fandom, and I'm very busy working, putting 9-10 hours a day at my dining table desk.
Then my brass band manager called me this arvo to see how I'm doing & chat for a minute, and I swear I unleashed a half-hour barrage of yakkity-yak at the poor woman.  I guess I'm more socially deprived than I thought.

The exact same thing happened to me! I live with friends and a few people have been filtering back to the house as their home situations become untenable and I thought I'd been doing just fine with the two other people who were here for a week but then another person moved back and I just got a whole dang bucket of Feel Good Brain Juice and didn't stop talking for like an hour...two more people are going to move back in the next week or two and I'm very excited. new blood new blood!!!

[Kyara]

So I guess that we are all socially deprived at some point ? But we only realize this when we chat with people? I had the same feeling, after just a lab meeting by video mith my colleagues. I feel lighthearted now, even if I didn't feel any real lack.

Not to mention, that (it's horrible to say, I explain latter), but the current situation is a kind of dream for me.
I was lucky to be at my parents'house with my boyfriend for a weekend when the moving restriction was decided in France and we decided to stay there.
I have very rarely the opportunity to come back to see my parents and my boyfriend lives far away (6h drive away) and I can only see him on weekends (sometimes).

And now it has been three weeks that we can work and spend time together, not to mention that I can help my parents with their household chores. My father is a physiotherapist and clutched to his work, even if he is starting to get old, so I try to lightweight their burden by doing everything that is possible at home.
Never in my life did I think I could stay with them two months in a row, because of my work. The house is large so we each have our own space if necessary. There is a garden to enjoy being a bit outdoors. Yes, it is horrible to say but apart from my laboratory work which I miss, I am very happy now.

It's just my feeling. I feel guilty for being like this when thousands of people are dying everywhere. I'm just very lucky, but I don't want to regret either. Just ... enjoy. Because I can. And help elderlys around with their groceries, chatting with them by phone too (we managed to repair our neighbourhood old lady's glasses and she offers use a wine bottle, that was so cool).

[Mariiii]

I understand your feelings Kyara, it's a little bit the same for me.

When the government announced the closure of schools and universities, I decided to go back to my parents' house and it was a very good decision because a couple of days later, the lockdown was announced. I'm missing my friends but in a way I am happy because I can spend a lot of time with my family, especially since I am suppose to go abroad for a 5-months internship from June so I won't be able to see them for a long time. I am also trying to not get overwhelmed by the work that teachers give us, but for the moment I manage to not have too much late work.

So yes I am feeling a bit guilty to be happy in this situation, when this disease causes so many deaths, but at the same time there nothing that I can really do except respecting the hygiene and containment rules to limit the spread of the virus. I am also really afraid about my internship, because it is suppose to begin in June and if the situation is not solved by then, it might get cancelled. So I am just waiting for this situation to get better and sending mental support to the medical staff and all the people whose work lead them to be in contact with the virus.

[thorny]

I don't think people need to feel guilty about happiness. It's not as if your being unhappy would improve anybody else's situation. And it reads to me that you're doing what you're supposed to in order to support others and in order not to make the situation worse.

I'm really grateful to have so much of my work at home, and to have acreage to work on outside and just to be outdoors in whenever I please. And I do need to be aware that others are in much worse positions. But neither the gratefulness nor the awareness requires guilt.

[Mebediel]

Seconding Thorny, although I understand the guilt. It's important to find joy in difficult times, and I don't think you need to feel guilty about finding those joys more easily than most people might.

[Vulpes]

 I know what you all mean about feeling a little guilty - I'm pretty happy with my situation. I'm in a beautiful, peaceful place where I can go out without bumping into anyone. I go to town once a week to stock up, work online, get lots of outdoor exercise, and wasn't all that social to begin with, so other than not knowing what day it is half the time, I'm doing well. I've checked in with all my friends and family, and everyone is doing fine. I have a spouse and two cats for entertainment, we chat with the neighbour from a safe distance once in a while, and the internet keeps me connected to others. I admire and deeply thank all the medical staff, grocery and pharmacy staff, truckers, and the other essential workers who are keeping the lights on and the internet functional.

The biggest effect for me is to throw my sabbatical plans into disarray - such a first world problem! I was planning to be in Norway, Iceland (maybe - that was not sabbatical-related and depended on a friend), Finland, Sweden, and the UK, all between early August and early November, but given the high odds of a second wave in the autumn I figure none of that's happening. It's going to have to be a "staybbatical", I guess I'll get around to fixing up a proper home office.

I'm so curious to see if/how this is going to permanently change our world. Again, that hopeful curiosity seems at odds with the hardships others are experiencing, but as thorny says, being miserable isn't going to help anyone. Maybe I'll find a way of helping people to assuage my guilt!

[Mebediel]

CW for...idk morbidity? idk, this one feels like it needs a CW though:

Spoiler: show

One of my close friends (one of the ones whom I've mentioned in other posts as working in public health [specifically infection control] at a NYC hospital) just posted an update on Facebook about how she has been working on a way to sew body bags because the hospital she works at ran out on Wednesday. She's already been working 12 hour shifts and macgyvering hand-made face shields because they didn't have enough manufactured ones, and now she has to design and sew body bags out of tarp herself (which she still hasn't figured out how to do effectively because her first attempt started leaking after a few hours). And on top of that, FEMA is only providing the trucks to transport the dead; hospitals are expected to build the shelves for the bodies themselves. Their doctors and nurses are getting sick and have to continue to work using N95s that they reuse because they don't have enough. My friend's gotten sick, too--she has a dry cough but no fever, so it doesn't seem like it's the virus, but who knows. She's obviously extremely sad and angry--she called the situation "actual Hell"--and I really, really wish I knew how to support her. I might be able to send her a care package, but the NYC postal service is already extremely overwhelmed, so who knows when it would reach her.

As she ended her post: "Don't let your communities become this. Help each other. Above all, be kind," and "Kindness is an action, not a feeling. You can fuel kindness with anger and grief, and your kindness can fuel them in turn. It is staring at suffering and saying 'no, this is not okay, and I will help.' There are many ways to help but do not forget about your own suffering too."

[Róisín]

Mebediel, all the yes to what you say. We need to remember to be kind to one another, to pitch in as we can while doing what we are able to for ourselves and our households. I am growing food and food plants for the Farmers Market, and spending a lot of time on the phone to young folk I know who have never lived through anything like this before, giving advice and suggestions for how to survive and help. I have survived a number of disasters and crises in a long and varied life, and know a bit about getting through them. And helping and caring about one another is a huge part of that, whether it is a cyclone, flood, storm, bushfire, power outage or pandemic. Good luck, everyone!

[Keep Looking]

Yes, one thing that I find comforting in this time is the knowledge that people can and have lived through times like this and worse.

Kyara and Mari, I feel like I'm in a similar situation to you guys right now - I'm fortunate in that my parents are still capable of earning money at this time, and doing schoolwork from home actually really suits the way I like to work (I'm a pretty self-directed person) - I'm finding it easier than going to school in person (plus it gets rid of the hour of travel time each way). I get to have some outdoors time whenever I take the dog for runs at the park or we take her down to the beach, and I can connect with my friends over the internet.

Before the schools closed, I felt extremely frustrated at the government and stressed, plus it was pretty scary going out to school with the risk of catching the virus (at that point, we still weren't allowed to miss assessments). But now things have fully shut down, I'm finding it a lot easier and my load of anxiety has reduced significantly.

[Róisín]

I was perhaps fortunate that I grew up among much older kin, some of whom had lived through serious horrors, including a greatgrandmother and greataunt who had survived the Irish famine and were still alive, though very old, when I was a kid (I’m 82 this week), and a grandfather who had been a field medic in the First World War, all of whom had advice and suggestions for surviving the things that they had lived through. I have found it useful.

[Vulpes]

Oh, Mebediel, that's hard, having a friend living through that and no direct way to help. I suppose the best you can do is assure her that you are heeding her advice, and find small things to do to help where you are.

I'm on the board of directors for our local ski club, and getting very frustrated with some of my fellow board members. We closed the lodge a couple of weeks ago, but the trails are still being groomed, with lots of signage up reminding people to follow physical distancing guidelines, ski conservatively to avoid injury, and not linger around the trailhead. But recently the Chief Medical Officer of Health and health minister have both stepped up the advisories, asking people to not drive anywhere if not absolutely necessary. Some of the board feel that keeping the trails open encourages people to ignore that advice, others put more emphasis on the CMOH's advice to get outdoor exercise, and a huge debate has been raging over whether we should stop grooming. The pro-grooming folks refuse to ask the CMOH for advice because "she's busy with more important stuff." Several local doctors who ski recently posted on the facebook club members group saying it was time to stop grooming, but their opinions have been dismissed as "just their personal opinion, not medical advice," and more weight put on the various members who post to say thanks for keeping the trails open. Our communications people are increasingly uncomfortable with the situation, and are taking a lot of flack for pressing for getting guidance from the CMOH. Some of us feel that we should stop undermining the government's "stay home" message, there's only a few more weeks, tops, when grooming will even be possible - we could reinforce government messaging and save money for next year (I do hope things will be a bit more normal by then) and show some leadership, but the pro-grooming group includes the board president, so we've been shouted down. It's disheartening.

Whew, that turned into a bit of a vent. I feel for the communications folks, they're bearing the brunt of this. I logged out of my email so that I wouldn't be tempted to read any more of the discussion going on, I have marking and exam prep to do and it's very distracting. And now my coffee break is over, back to it! Ranting made me feel a bit better, anyway. 

[Mebediel]

Hearing about the kindnesses that people are doing for their communities near and far is really good to hear. Getting advice from people who have lived through terrible times before is helpful, but knowing that they're able and willing to share that knowledge is also comforting. So, if no one has told you this yet, Róisín, thanks for all you're doing!

Venting is good, Vulpes! Since things are changing so rapidly, hopefully people start listening to the no-grooming group soon before grooming becomes impossible anyway.

[Róisín]

Vulpes, good luck! And yeah, it helps to swear a bit when there is no answer acceptable to all the people involved!

Mebediel, thanks! Long experience suggests to me that everyone’s chances of getting through this are better if we care what happens to one another, and help as we can. Also, in miserable times I think we feel better if we can do even little things.

[DancingRanger]

The lack of work and being home all the time is really starting to drag on my emotions and combined with the fact that I kinda had a fight with a friend and we haven't spoken in almost a week now, has made me feel really lost. I feel really drained. I have found Minna's stream and youtube videos to be oddly calming and a bit of a comfort to listen to.

[Kyara]

Thank you all for your thoughts on the situation. It is reassuring to know that other people are feeling like that. I feel a bit.... Lighter ?

Mebediel Even if you can't physically bring something, you should never underestimate the moral support you can provide. There will always be encouragement words in the back of your friend's mind when she is working (you know, when the brain is too tired and only able to remember a few things). The idea is to make that these little things as positive as possible, right?

DancingRanger: It's true that Minna's videos are relaxing. For me it's almost a form of ASMR. I'm sorry for the situation between your friend and you. It may be more complicated to discuss by writing/audio due to the confinement, but you can still set out to get things right. We can all argue, it happens and it is normal to be confused.