The Forum's Scriptorium

[Viisikielinenkantele]

Kjeks: Huh, creepy... it reminds me of a certain short-story, let me see, if I can find it...ah, yes: "Der Winterkrieg in Tibet" by Friedrich Dürrenmatt.

Asterales: Oh, a very intriguing story! I would love to hear more of it! I am waving from the south-east of Germany too . Nice to see a neighbour here.

[Asterales]

Oh, a very intriguing story! I would love to hear more of it! I am waving from the south-east of Germany too . Nice to see a neighbour here.

Thank you! I am not sure how much I want to write. I was actually contemplating which of my other stories I could put up in it's entirety, since I am not much one for fanfiction, but they would all be too long. I'd need another account somewhere and I am just too lazy for that
Greetings to you as well! *bows prettily* Though as for the neighbour thing... you are faaaar to my south. Well, at least more than an hour drive away (I saw your name on the reader map, it's so long that it's easy to remember!)

[Marienara]

I'm going to do something crazy here, something that I'm not sure if I should actually be doing, but I'm going a bit crazy without any feedback, so here goes.

Hi, my name is Marienara, I've been following SSSS for a while, and have even made a few comments. This is the first time I've visited the fan forums, as I've been afraid they would suck me in if I let them, but I feel I'd get the best response here. Just so you know, I like to write. It's something I've always enjoyed, and for the last decade or so (okay, 17 years, so I guess it's closer to two) I've been working on one "story" in particular. I've got some rough drafts started, and lots of different notebooks full of notes, and some charts, and spreadsheets, and...well, you may be starting to get the point. One thing that I've never actually done, is to sit down and actually write an outline for the thing. So I've decided to go ahead and do that, because I think it's time and that I'm ready to do so.

I've decided to write things out as a timeline, and got started typing it up some time last week. I didn't get very far, as I've been forgetting to spend much time on it and so have been writing up more detailed outlines for way down the line bits of things that happen. Today I committed to actually sitting down after dinner and putting some solid work into it. It is now 6 in the morning and I have been wandering around for an hour looking for people to read what I just spent the previous ten hours on. So if I sound a little crazy, then yes, I've already admitted that I think I am.

I did have fun working on the timeline though, I even wrote an excerpt that won't actually show up in any of the books (assuming I ever get it completed enough to publish that is, I imagine it'll probably take another decade or two at the rate I've been going...) but I do like doing things like that. It's a bit rough, as I just sort of puked the text out of my brain onto the screen, and have really only been through it a couple of times (mostly correcting spelling and tense errors, I kept switching from past to present for some reason...though the changes left should be deliberate) and I usually edit things a ton of times before I'm happy with them, and then they're often edited again as I change things that happen later on. For me, writing is all about discovering new things about the characters and their history, and this time I discovered something fantastic and am just itching to share, but it's early in the morning, and I recently moved, and have no one to share it with yet, so I'm turning to you, the minnions, to help me stay simply crazy, and not move on to insane. You'll find the link below.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1PFJ7Iv533deHHY_fCF_PYlU2f1bDheQbla5mTPJ6rAA/edit?usp=sharing

[Aierdome]

Hi and welcome to the forums! Here, have a welcome cookie of your choosing. *passes the plate*

The timeline certainly sounds interesting to read. The only problem I see with it is the age of Brook when he makes all of his discoveries - the cure, the teleporter, etc. I understand he's supposed to be a genius, but a ten-year-older is rather improbable - perhaps it would be better to have him start when he's fifteen?

[Nimphy]

Hello and welcome!

While the project is interesting (first: need more time to read through all of it as I only read the first part; second: consider joining the Creative Writin Group!), I'll echo the user above: ten years us really too young for such an important work. Ten years is also a susceptible age where you don't make many important decisions on your own because you are easily influenced, so it does sound very improbable.

[Marienara]

Negative, when he is fifteen, he is already abandoned on the planet and deep into researching the folding of space/time. Brook is a very unusual child, the likes of which have never been seen before or since. If someone like me could understand college level science when I was nine (which I did) then someone like Brook would be leagues beyond what our current top scientists can achieve. Also keep in mind that his world was far more advanced then ours, they were able to build a fleet of interstellar ships after all, so Brook had a head start on his learning to give him even more of a boost. His parents were top government scientists, they began his scientific training before he could even walk.

[Jethan]

Welcome to the forum! *Sets a tray of tea, cookies, and cakes out*
I read through the whole outline, and I found the time travel paradox potential to be quite suspenseful.  And that High Priestess Regent, does she become a problem later on in the story?  You almost destroyed the universe!!!   Oops...
But mostly I'm curious about what happened to Aryn's original inhabitants and did their government ever get reformed or did they continue on and become an antagonist for the later Yachet worlds?

And I don't think you're crazy for wanting feedback, especially after working ten hours on this!

[Marienara]

Honestly, this is the first time I've ever met the High Priestess Regent, I didn't even know she existed before tonight. I knew that Brook encountered a life threatening situation on Yachet that Tekesh and Sarah rescued him from, but I had no idea what it was. As far as the original inhabitants of Aryn. I hadn't really given them much thought, they were always just, gone, but what I imagine happened to them was that after a few generations they turned in on themselves and were totally wiped out. Perhaps at some point I'll write a story about someone encountering the empty ruined hulk of the fleet, drifting about in deep space.

[Jethan]

Man, being trapped in space and having everyone fight each other...that sounds pretty grim.  And then all the life-support systems would get damaged and everyone would die faster...
The crazy time travel and dimensional hopping sounds like much more fun.

[Marienara]

Indeed, which is why that is the focus of my story, though I haven't done a whole lot to flesh out Brooks life and adventures, and he's the one that gets to do all the time travel stuff, at least originally.

[Nimphy]

Negative, when he is fifteen, he is already abandoned on the planet and deep into researching the folding of space/time. Brook is a very unusual child, the likes of which have never been seen before or since. If someone like me could understand college level science when I was nine (which I did) then someone like Brook would be leagues beyond what our current top scientists can achieve. Also keep in mind that his world was far more advanced then ours, they were able to build a fleet of interstellar ships after all, so Brook had a head start on his learning to give him even more of a boost. His parents were top government scientists, they began his scientific training before he could even walk.

You can modify age. If anything, and I mean anything at all in your story is set in stone, you've already made a mistake. I know authors who created a main character and sometimes later turned them into the antagonist. I know writers who while editing their work completely eliminated 100k+ words of the idea that actually gave birth to the book in the first place. Age? That's nothing.

You could understand college level science at 9 - I read science books aimed at teenagers when I was 6. Does that mean that any of us could have the practical knowledge to invent something new and of this importance level at 10? Nope. That would require first and foremost a bit of abstract thinking, and that develops in all children at about 13. Even 13 is a good age to me, but 10? Definitely not. Not enough to think about something new. Not enough to think about defensive measures. Not enough to decide who to trust and who not to trust.

Then again, it's your story - I'm just offering my opinion. I once tried to write a story with little geniuses - they ended up being in their early twenties because intellect or not, to face certain situations you need a kind of emotional maturity that no child, even a genius, could have. Repeat: your story. You decide. Offering my POV as a reader,  telling you that I am willing to suspend disbelief under certain circumstances, and not under others, I obviously can't force you into anything, nor do I wish to.

[Marienara]

I understand what you're saying about the emotional maturity and appreciate the thought. As I have stated previously, Brook is a very special case. I think it may have something to do with all the time travelling he did during his life. When you cross as many dimensions as he did, you leave your mark on the universe, almost like footprints. I believe that the older "footprints" found their way to him when he was born and so contributed to his rapid maturity and intellect. Some of those bits were around for a very very long time.

[Aierdome]

In addition to what Nimphy said, there's a matter of time. IIRC, kids usually learn to read when they're about four-five years old and write  (whether by hand on on keyboard) when they're six-seven. Even with tutoring from parents, for such an important work as this, Brooke would have to do some studying and notes-keeping of his own, which requires both. This leaves him with four years to find the cure. Now, account the fact that as the government's "miracle child" he's being the centre of attention, and that he works essentially alone, perhaps with his (no doubt busy otherwise) parents' input. You also have to account for the fact that Brooke needs rest, socializing and the like. Developing a cure, even when it's big concerns that work on it, can take years. Even if Brooke started to work on the cure from the moment he learned how to read and write, he'd still have to take at least three years to gather adult's knowledge of biology, virology and medicine. Then there's the matter of developing the cure, which I'd say would take at least three years as well, and of course testing, which should take a year at least to check for any possible bad consequences. Add to that the fact that government is clearly not happy about someone breaking their threat stick and it's even more time.

Of course, there's no problem with child prodigies. It's just that the reader may cry foul at seeing such a great accomplishment at such a young age.

Then again, the supernatural influence may play its part.

[kjeks]

In addition to what Nimphy said, there's a matter of time. IIRC, kids usually learn to read when they're about four-five years old and write  (whether by hand on on keyboard) when they're six-seven. Even with tutoring from parents, for such an important work as this, Brooke would have to do some studying and notes-keeping of his own, which requires both. This leaves him with four years to find the cure. Now, account the fact that as the government's "miracle child" he's being the centre of attention, and that he works essentially alone, perhaps with his (no doubt busy otherwise) parents' input. You also have to account for the fact that Brooke needs rest, socializing and the like. Developing a cure, even when it's big concerns that work on it, can take years. Even if Brooke started to work on the cure from the moment he learned how to read and write, he'd still have to take at least three years to gather adult's knowledge of biology, virology and medicine. Then there's the matter of developing the cure, which I'd say would take at least three years as well, and of course testing, which should take a year at least to check for any possible bad consequences. Add to that the fact that government is clearly not happy about someone breaking their threat stick and it's even more time.

Of course, there's no problem with child prodigies. It's just that the reader may cry foul at seeing such a great accomplishment at such a young age.

Then again, the supernatural influence may play its part.

Well I have kids in school who could read well at the age of four.
then the contest "Jugend forscht" (youth researches) has an 11 year old in the winning categories. She had designed a robot that helped people putting stuff in storage technical environment into order. She won against many people older than her. And she was alone on her project...

[Aierdome]

Well I have kids in school who could read well at the age of four.
then the contest "Jugend forscht" (youth researches) has an 11 year old in the winning categories. She had designed a robot that helped people putting stuff in storage technical environment into order. She won against many people older than her. And she was alone on her project...

 ??? Alright, my bad then. However, that's still more than ten, and making a functioning cure requires more of more complicated know-how, time and study than designing a robot.